Tag: workingmom

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To the Mama Trying to Manage Family Life With Work

Balance is a tricky thing and many people have actually stated that there is no such thing as balance. One thing in our lives will always consume more of our time and energy and mental capacity than the other things we have in our lives.

I’ve strived for this notion of family-work balance for years since I went back to work after having my first child four years ago. I tried different processes and tips and tricks to keep my head above water while working full-time. It wasn’t easy to say the least. I always felt like I was dropping the ball in at least one aspect of my life while I tended to the others. The most important part of my life however has been, and always will be, my children.

It was hard to maintain this semblance of family-work balance as it wasn’t easy when one of my children were sick and needed me to stay home with them. I was falling behind at work, having to leave early to take them to appointments or run errands before picking them up as that was the most convenient time I could do my errands while my kids were at daycare. I was one of the only employees at my old workplace who had children and there was always this uneasy feeling I had when I couldn’t be 100% present at work because I had something far more important to occupy my mind and time. I couldn’t stay late and get more work done like others could and I got to the point where I stopped feeling guilty about that. After about four months of going back to work after returning from my maternity leave with my second child, I felt the need to leave my job. It was one of the hardest decisions for me to make as it was a job I loved and I had made friends with wonderful people there. I was so passionate about mental health and leaving that job was a very emotional task for me. But I realized that it wasn’t sustainable in the long run to continue working in such a demanding job with two young children who needed so much of me.

I started a new job in my field and it has helped me in getting closer to that family-work balance point. It’s still very busy but it’s definitely less intense and I’m able to keep my head above water more.

I’m sharing my working mom journey with you because I know how difficult it can be dear mama. When your kids reach out to you in the morning and tell you they want to stay with you and you pry yourself away with tears in your eyes, feeling guilt like no other for the rest of the day. I know how it is when you feel that you’re lagging behind others at work because you’ve had to leave early or come in late or miss several days at work because your babies needed you. I know how it is when you have responsibilities piling up and by the time you get to the weekend, there’s barely time to relax and spend time with your children because other things need your attention too. It’s so difficult when your to-do list is growing and you feel that there aren’t enough hours in the day. It’s an almost impossible juggling act that can take a toll mentally, emotionally, and physically.

I get it. And I know how hard you’re trying.
So don’t feel bad if you still haven’t reached that magical (possibly hypothetical) balance.

Take a deep breath, focus on your priorities and realize that you are an amazing mother who is loved and appreciated 

💕
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Choosing the Right Daycare and Transitioning Your Child

Childen playing on the ground

Choosing the right daycare for your child can be tricky and I know it can already be a time of heightened emotions as you think about leaving your baby in the care of someone else.  Here are some of the things that helped me in choosing the right daycare for my child and I hope they help you too!

  1. Start early– here in Canada our maternity leaves are typically 12-18 months long and I started looking for a daycare when my babies were both around 3 months old. I started doing an online search of all the daycares close to me and I read reviews on each one. Daycares fill up fast so the sooner you start, the more likelihood you’ll find a spot at your preferred daycare.
  2. Make a list of the most important things you want in a daycare.  This will help you decide which daycare to go with at the end-the one that meets most of your criteria. Of course no daycare centre is perfect but when you take time to think about what is most important to you at the daycare where your child will be, it will really help you choose the right daycare that you’re most comfortable with.
  3. Personally visit each daycare centre. Make a list of all the potential daycare centres you are interested in and call each one. Set up appointments to go in and take a look around and meet the staff. This step is huge!
  4. Pay attention to how things run and ask make a list of questions to ask. When you’re visiting the daycare centre, here are some things you may want to pay attention to:
    • Class layout-are there activities/toys that seem in relatively good condition? What kinds of things are available for the children to play with?
    • Daycare’s philosophy: Ask the daycare about their philosophy and if they encourage mostly free unstructured play or if they have planned activities with the children or both.
    • Toys-do they get sanitized/cleaned regularly? Do they rotate the toys? Do the toys appear to be safe for your child’s developmental level?
    • Food- ask to see a menu and ask about portions.
    • If you are still breastfeeding and would like to continue breastfeeding your child while they are at daycare, discuss this with the daycare from the start. Just be prepared that if you do go in at mid-day to breastfeed your child, leaving him/her again might be very difficult- I talk from experience!
    • The caregivers can make or break the class so get to know them and observe their interaction style with the children. Do they seem overwhelmed and easily frustrated by the children? Do they complain about their job to you? Do they seem warm and nurturing?
    • Biting/hitting policy- it’s important to know this ahead of time so you know what to expect in case your child gets hurt or hurts another child.
    • Sick policy-most daycares have a policy regarding when a child has to go home after exhibiting certain symptoms and how long they have to be symptom-free before returning.
    • Does the daycare have more enhanced technology in that they provide parents with pictures/updates throughout the day? Some daycares have Ipads that the staff use to take pictures and email to the parents which most parents find reassuring.
    • Trust your instincts. This is where your child will be spending most of his/her day. If you walk in and you don’t feel welcomed, or if you feel that everyone seems stressed/overwhelmed and that you just don’t have a good vibe, chances are you’re right.

Transitioning Your Child:

  • Go for several visits at different times of the day. When you’ve narrowed your choice down to the daycare you’re most comfortable with, plan to go for visits 1-2 times a week, starting a few weeks before your child is due to start attending regularly. Visiting your chosen daycare at different times of the day is a good strategy-one day plan to go in the morning, another day go closer to lunch time and then go near the end of the day on another visit. This step is really important as it not only helps you see how the centre functions at different times of the day when different things are going on and perhaps different staff are around, but it will also help your child feel more comfortable in this new environment.
  • Transition your child slowly to the new daycare centre. I took my daughter for visits 1-2 times per week starting the month before returning to work so that she could become more comfortable and it really helped her transition. I would stay with her during these visits and then I had her stay by herself two half-days a week, and then two full days the week before returning to work. I wanted to make sure she was comfortable in her new environment and with the staff and that her naps were going well.
  • Engage with the daycare staff in front of your child. This will help your child learn that they are safe people and become more comfortable with them.
  • Provide your chosen daycare centre with important information about your child. This can include their nap-times, how they usually nap, their coping/soothing strategies and coping items, their likes and dislikes, anything that you think will help them know your child more and therefore help them transition as smoothly as possible.

Keep in mind: it will be a difficult transition for both you and your child even if you do all the above or some variance of it. Separation is not easy and it will take time for both of you to get used to it.  Listen to your gut-if something doesn’t feel right, address it.  Also, it helped me to have the realistic expectation that no childcare provider is perfect. Even a child’s own parents will still have their moments where they don’t act/talk in the best manner possible. We can’t expect the people caring for our children to be flawless and be Mary Poppins all day long around our children. Having said that, you should feel comfortable and reassured that you’re leaving your child in good hands.

It may be helpful to reach out to other mothers who are currently in the same boat or have experienced putting their children in daycare before. I had a wonderful friend who gave me a lot of encouragement and reassurance and made the whole transition back to work much easier!

It will always be difficult leaving your child.  I still miss my children everyday when I drop them off but knowing that they’re happy and safe and in a stimulating, engaging and nurturing environment is reassuring!

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To the Mother whose Maternity Leave is Ending Soon

mother kissing baby

I feel you dear mama as the clock is ticking and the time between now and your return to work is getting shorter. When you can’t imagine spending so many hours away from your baby because you’ve been attached at the hip since birth. I feel you and the tremendous guilt that is front and centre in your mind and in your heart. The thought of someone else taking care of your body and meeting his/her needs while you’re away which has been nagging at you and it has taken everything within you not to go back on your decision to return to work.  

I know how hard it is imagining that someone else will be putting your baby down for their nap, and someone else will get to look at their adorable face as they wake up. I know how hard it can be to imagine that someone else will be feeding, changing, and playing with your baby. I know you love your child more than anything and that your decision to go back to work is one of the hardest decisions you’ve ever had to make. I know you’re taking as many pictures as you can so you can look at them when you’re at work, when your heart is longing to see your precious one.  I know your eyes will well up when colleagues ask you how your baby is doing and you’ll choke back tears as you talk about them and how amazing they are. I know that the best part of your day will be the minute you walk in and see their eyes light up at seeing you and you embrace them so tightly and never want to let them go.

I know you try to think of all the perks you may enjoy while at work as a way to comfort yourself when you feel down. Perks such as eating your lunch uninterrupted, having adult interaction, and perhaps drinking your coffee or tea while it’s still warm.  I know you may start to feel mom-guilt for thinking about these perks and how you may enjoy some of the time that you’re away from your child.

I know your maternity leave feels like it flew by and you wish you could pause time for a bit. I’m feeling that now as the weeks, days, and minutes seem to fly by as my maternity leave is coming to an end. I look back on this past year and I can’t believe where the time has gone. Of course during the beginning of my maternity leave when I was in the thick of it (aka newborn trenches, aka not sleeping more than 2-3 hours a night), the days felt like they were dragging on and some days I wished time would go faster to the point where my daughter would sleep better and I could have some time for myself instead of being on nursing duty 24/7. Now I wish time would slow down-way down.

I know it’s hard and a mother’s decisions are never easy. Our societies expect mothers to work as if they don’t have children and finding flexible, understanding workplaces is a rarity. I know you’re worried about how you’ll manage it all and find that “balance.” I know you’re going to be giving all your energy to your work and you may feel the guilt again when you get home and you feel drained and wish you had more energy to give your child.  I know that this balancing act is hard and some things have to give for other things to happen.

But guess what? Although the first little while of adjusting to this new routine will be difficult for you and your family, it will get better. You’ll always miss your baby and you’ll always spend every free minute looking at their pictures, but once you get into a good rhythm and find ways to cope and keep the ship afloat, you’ll realize that initial gut-wrenching pain of being away from your baby will become less and less. The time you spend together will be much more special and you’ll find your new normal. You’ll be amazed at all the interesting things your child is learning and you’ll feel so proud of this little baby that is growing and developing and having fun.

It’s hard and I know you wonder if you’re doing the right thing. I’m right there with you. We’ll all come out on the other side. One day at a time.