Tag: tiredmom

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Coping with Emotional Exhaustion

Woman on beach

It makes sense that so many mothers are experiencing emotional exhaustion or burnout. The last few months have pushed many mothers to their limits with added responsibilities and stress. The mental and emotional load has been relentless as we tend to everything and everyone at home. Many mothers are feeling depleted and are experiencing difficulty with the day-to-day demands of motherhood, along with meeting their own needs as they meet everyone else’s.

We’re human and it’s normal to feel increasingly frustrated and exhausted with the ongoing demands of our children, our homes, and for many of us, work on top of that. Not to mention health challenges many mothers may be experiencing, and the overall stress of being in the midst of a pandemic, and all the unknowns associated with it.

So how do we keep going amidst all of this when we feel so emotionally exhausted?

  • The power of our thoughts. What have your thoughts been mostly centered around? That can give you a good indication as to what is distressing you the most. Is it a scenario that hasn’t happened yet? Something from your past you’re thinking about? Thoughts of self-doubt? Thoughts about comparing yourself to others? It’s hard work and quite a process to examine and change our thoughts but it definitely is needed to help change how we’re feeling. Remember, our thoughts are not facts. But they can certainly become beliefs if we don’t examine and challenge them.

  • Examine what is contributing to your daily emotional exhaustion. Write it out if you have to. Make a list of everything you’re trying to tend to currently. Some things we can limit from our lives, postpone, or remove altogether. Some responsibilities however, we cannot let go of so it helps to know what we can do without for now. If you feel guilty about letting something go for now, keep reminding yourself that your health and well-being are the priority now and that everything else can wait. I’ve learned the hard way that if we keep pushing through despite our exhaustion, our bodies will force us to rest.
  • Sleep. I can’t emphasize the importance of good sleep on our emotional well-being. But I know as mothers, this isn’t in our control when we have little ones sometimes needing us throughout the night. But trying to sleep earlier to increase our overall nighttime sleep is so important, despite how tempting it is to stay up and binge-watch our favourite shows with all the snacks. Try sleeping 15 minutes earlier each night and practice some meditation or deep breathing before sleep. Another important tip is to try and reduce screentime right before bed if possible.
  • Voice your needs. Is there anyone around that can help lift the load off of you, even if it’s just for a bit as you regain your composure? Your health matters too mama and if there are others that can help you out, now is the time to let them in.
  • Time for yourself. I know this may seem like a far-fetched reality for many mothers out there who don’t have the proper support system needed to enable them to carve out time for themselves so they can recharge. It’s so important for mothers to have some time to themselves where they have no demands placed on them, where they can hear themselves think, where they don’t have to supervise anyone or tend to anyone else but themselves. I know we’re stretched too thin right now but it has never been more important to have some time to rejuvenate and feel like yourself. Start with short periods of time if this is all that is feasible now-even 20 minutes at a time of rest, a walk outside alone, reading a book on your deck/balcony, calling a friend without any interruptions- small steps are the way to start.
  • Nature. The benefits of spending time in nature on our well-being are manifold. If you have a nearby park or your backyard even, try to step outside and take deep breaths and look up at the sky. Sit on the ground, feel the earth beneath you, and repeat calming affirmations to yourself such as “I’ll be okay” or “how I’m feeling now is temporary.”

Your health and well-being matter, mama. There’s only so much you can handle before it really takes a toll on you. Listen to your body, and your needs and remember how important you are to your family.

This is intended for educational purposes only- please seek professional support for ongoing difficulties.

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To the mom who’s doing it mostly on her own:

mom holding child on her back

I see you dear mama- you wake up after a not-so-restful night to the sounds of your precious little ones waking up with full energy to start the day. You close your eyes for one second and take a deep breath and pray that you’ll have enough energy to get through the day. You feel the weight of your body on your bed and how comfortable it feels to keep laying down and closing your eyes, but you know that there are people waiting for you and depending on you.

You get up and get everyone changed and fed and answer 153 questions about why chairs have four legs, amongst other things that make you scratch your head. Your husband may be traveling for work, he might work long hours, or maybe he’s unable to keep up with all the work that needs to be done due to health difficulties he’s facing. You’re bearing most of the parenting and day-to-day tasks on your shoulders and it’s hard.

People ask me quite often how I do it. How I take care of two little children who are so young and dependent on me for everything while my husband is away. To be completely honest, it’s hard. You can’t expect your husband to walk through the door at 5:30pm and help out. You have no one to share “this is so crazy” looks and chuckles with. No one to look after one of the children while you tend to the other. No one else to take care of the kids while you go to the bathroom, take a much-needed shower, or step outside for some fresh air. No one else is around to do the dishes, vacuum, or take one kid to the potty while the other needs their diaper changed. No one else to look at that “super cool” lego structure that was built and no one else to comfort the crying baby. No one to share the joy of your baby saying their first word.  It’s just you mama. And it’s hard and lonely. Lonely even though you don’t have a minute to yourself.

But I have to say, after doing it for some time, it does get somewhat easier. The loneliness still gets to me but the ability to manage the chaos gets somewhat easier with time. You become stronger, more capable, and know what to expect. You figure things out. You realize that you’re able to do things you never thought you’d be able to. I know there are many other moms in the same boat as me. I know it’s hard, but I’ve realized that there are some things I can do to take care of myself and survive this phase. Here are some of the things that have helped me and may help you as well:

Find a way to have time for yourself. Whether it’s on the weekend, or when your partner comes home from his trip, or if you can hire a babysitter a couple hours during the day/evening just so you can do something to rejuvenate you, please do it. It shouldn’t be seen as a luxury-it really is a necessity.  When things are really going out of control around here while I’m alone with the kids, I find some peace in knowing that I have some time to myself to look forward to even if it’s going out with a friend or going out shopping by myself later that week. It really helps to have some time alone and clear your head and not have to be responsible for anyone even if it’s for a short period of time.

Find something to look forward to everyday. This can really help make the days seem a bit less difficult and maybe even enjoyable. For me, it’s enjoying my cup of coffee and reading a book while my daughter naps and my son is watching Paw Patrol. Yes I allow some screen time so I can start my morning off with some peace and quiet. I’ve let go of the momguilt associated with screen time because it only gets used for short intervals of the day and it makes everyone feel better so win-win situation.

Have realistic expectations. This is my final and maybe my most important tip. I realized during the first time I was on my own with the kids that I wasn’t going to be able to keep up with everything that needed to be done. I also realized that working myself into a mental and physical breakdown would not benefit anyone. That is why we sometimes order take-out instead of cooking. It’s also why after putting my kids to bed I sometimes crash right afterwards instead of folding laundry or doing the dishes. It took me a long time to get to this point, but once I did, life became much simpler and I’ve become kinder to myself.

I know that no matter what, there will still be challenging days while you’re navigating this motherhood journey and doing so much on your own.  You will figure it out, mama. And when the kids are all in bed and you breathe in the silence and peace of your once-chaos-ridden home, you feel like you can conquer anything. I see you, and I know it’s hard. But you can do it- maybe not everyone can do what you do, but you dear, strong mama, can.