It’s the third week of school already! I’ve definitely learned a few things over the past three weeks that have helped make our mornings before school and our afternoons after pick-up from school smoother for everyone. My son started junior kindergarten this year and we’ve made it through the transition and now we’re working on developing a good morning and after-school routine.
So what does our routine look like?
Prepare the night before. There are the obvious things I do the night before to make our mornings smoother such as prepare his lunch, his backpack, and clothes. It makes things much less stressful in the morning.
Try to start your day earlier to avoid the stress of rushing. In the morning, I try to get an early start for the day to give us time to deal anything that may come up and just to give us enough time to get ready without the stress of rushing. Even fifteen minutes earlier can make a difference.
Validate, and don’t dismiss feelings when they’re expressed. My son today told me he doesn’t want to go to school. I asked him why and he said he was scared. I sat beside him and asked him more questions about how and what he was feeling. I gave him time to talk about it and validated his feelings and helped him settle some of his fears and problem-solve around them. It’s important to give some time to settle your children’s fears when they voice them but I know it can be stressful when you’re rushing to get everyone ready and out of the house. A few minutes can go a long way though- it makes me think of how nice it is when as adults we’re struggling with something and someone takes the time to listen to us- just that in and of itself and can help us feel better.
Use a visual timer. I don’t know about your kids but my son likes to take his time getting dressed and we try to foster some independence in this area and get him to do as much as possible but we obviously step in and help when needed. It’s usually a very long, slow process though to get him to agree to get dressed for school so I started using a visual timer for my son to see how much time we have for this. He’s actually responded well to it and tries to beat the timer which has saved me a lot of nagging in the morning. A friend of mine uses the timer on her phone which works well too!
Now for after-school:
Food. Always have food on hand. When I go to pick up my son, I pack a couple snacks for him to eat on the way home as he’s usually starving! He’ll sometimes finish some items from his lunch but I also bring a back-up in case he has nothing left. I try not to let him snack too much as we have dinner a little while after we get home but I give him enough to avoid the hangriness and the ride home is usually much smoother and happier for everyone.
Give them time to unwind. The drive home is typically quiet as my son is usually busy munching on his snacks and I ‘d rather give him some time to unwind after a long day before chatting to him all the way home about his day. After we get home, we wash up and change and then I tell my son to go rest on the couch for a bit (if I can’t do that, someone else might as well do it) or play until I empty out his lunch box and backpack. He usually asks for the TV right when we get home but I try to delay it a bit until he’s rested and had some quiet time after a loud, busy day at school. I’ll then come and talk to him a bit about how his day went then I’ll turn the TV on while I’m preparing dinner.
Expect that meltdowns and tantrums may happen. Learning about the concept of “after-school restraint collapse” has been super helpful in getting me to understand my son and why he has meltdowns sometimes after school and how to respond to them. He’s not doing it to make my life harder- he’s genuinely struggling after a long day of trying to keep it together and now he feels safe to let all his feelings out. Perhaps he got in trouble for something he didn’t do or a friend stopped playing with him or got called a name by someone in his class. Our children don’t always tell us everything they’ve experienced and may just respond with “good” when we ask them about their day. They may have experienced so many difficult emotions and not had the opportunity to process them so they save that for home. It’s important to empathize and give them their space and not to take it personally- they need a safe, compassionate person to help them through it (You!)
I hope everyone’s back-to-school transition has gone smoothly and that everyone is adjusting well! If not, don’t let it bring you down as it is common for the transition to take time. I’m still trying to get things in order as there are days where we definitely don’t have it all together. It’ll take time and we’ll all get there eventually.