Tag: postpartumrecovery

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To the Mom Who Wants to Take Better Care of Herself, But Can’t Figure Out How

Dear mama, I know you’ve heard the statements “you need to take better care of yourself” or “you need to make time for self-care” and each time you do, you may make a mental note of how you’re going to do this but then the next day rolls around and you find that there just the time, energy, or mental capacity to even know where to start along the path of self-care. Do I start with exercising? Do I start with figuring out what makes me happy and trying to factor it into my day? Do I start with better sleep? Do I start by eating better? I know how daunting it can be and we may end up feeling worse as we look upon the mountains of laundry, dishes, and tasks that revolve around keeping our children healthy, happy, and safe, as well as keeping the ship afloat at home. I personally found after having my second child that I had to work really hard at incorporating self-care into my day. I didn’t realize how much harder it would be once I had two little ones to continue to take good care of myself but I found out the hard way that I either make time for myself, or my body will force me to take the time.

So I get it dear mama. I know you have days where you don’t feel like yourself. I know you look back on yourself ten years ago and you can’t recognize who that person was and what they used to like doing with their time. I know you have passions and things you love to do, but there’s so much on your plate that it can seem like a far-fetched reality to try and engage in those desired activities again. I know you go to bed each night perhaps feeling depleted, exhausted, and not knowing how the day passed. You may feel as though you didn’t get everything done and you realize that yet another day has passed where you remained at the end of your never-ending list of things to tend to. It’s not your fault. It never has been. When I talk about self-care for moms, I’m very careful about how I approach it because I never want a mother to think that it’s her fault that she feels the way she does or that she hasn’t tended to her needs. This isn’t a blaming game- it’s a wake-up call that we all need once in a while to help us do a little shift in our perspectives, priorities, and lifestyles. When I talk about self-care, I try to frame it from the aspect of what does society need to do to enable us to take better care of ourselves? Because let’s face it- all of our responsibilities are here to stay. So how can we incorporate this vital aspect of our lives into our already overflowing schedules?

I’ll tell you what I did. I started small. And by small, I mean 10 minutes. I mean I started becoming more intentional about my day and what I spent my time on. It meant being selective about what I gave my energy to. It meant going to the Doctor to discuss some symptoms I had been having and getting treated for them. It meant setting aside 15 minutes each night before I sleep to drink a cup of tea while reading a good book and telling myself that I was doing this because I deserve to do things that I enjoy in my life and that bring me peace and comfort. It meant that I schedule down time during my day where I don’t feel the need to fill every second of it with some task that needs to be done. It means meeting up with a good friend once in a while. It means going out by myself for 30 minutes and coming back feeling refreshed and rejuvenated even though there is laundry and dishes and cooking and work to get done. It means limiting interactions with others that don’t contribute to my well-being. It means putting my needs first once in a while because when I do that, I’m much more able to tend to the needs of those I love the most.

That is what I did and you know what? It didn’t take as much time as I had made it to be in my mind. In fact, I felt more productive to continue on with my daily responsibilities, and I felt happier, lighter, and more at peace. Do I always get to engage in the self-care that I need to? Nope. But I do make an effort to incorporate at least one thing and to be intentional about it.

Mama, you are so important. Your health and well-being are vital to the health and well-being of your entire family. I know there’s so much to do and not enough time and I know those beautiful children of yours are so dependent on you and take up most of your energy and time. But you are a person too. And a very worthy person. A person who deserves to go about her day at a pace that lets her breathe. A person who deserves rest, love, support, and appreciation.

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Let’s Talk About the Postpartum Experience

baby laying on bed

There’s so much emphasis on pregnancy, labour, and childbirth but I’ve noticed that the postpartum experience of a mother isn’t given as much attention as it deserves. Regardless of how many times you’ve already experienced it, each postpartum experience can be different and comes with unique struggles and joys. After enduring labour pains, childbirth and then experiencing all the emotional highs of meeting your precious baby, the postpartum period can be quite challenging on so many levels.

I recently took a training course on postpartum recoveries and practices in different cultures and I was astounded to learn how mothers are treated in different parts of the world. In Morocco for example, the mother is held in such high stature and is tended to for at least 40 days by family and friends. There are beautiful traditions that take place in this culture and in many others where the mother is enveloped in support by those around her and all that is required of her is to rest, take care of herself, and her child. According to studies done, the incidences of postpartum mood and anxiety disorders in these cultures is noticeably less. 

I find here in North America the postpartum experience is generally quite different. Mothers may be living away from family or they may be living near family but their families are unable to support them as much as is needed. Mothers may end up feeling alone, isolated, burnt out, and ultimately, depressive symptoms start to arise along with heightened anxiety, among other mental health challenges.

The supportive village that is so essential to mothers’ emotional, physical, and mental wellbeing is unfortunately not the norm.   Mothers are having to juggle housework, school/daycare drop-offs and pick-ups (for those with multiple children) as well as keeping up with so many other demands. This is all being done while the mother is simultaneously trying to take care of a newborn baby with needs around the clock, as well as trying to heal herself and recover from such a remarkable experience.  She may find that hours have gone by without a sip of water or a bite to eat as she’s trying to manage the demands of her new life and trying to adjust and find some semblance of a functional routine.  

The postpartum experience can be even more challenging when a mother receives negative comments or unsolicited advice that may leave her feeling less confident, more guilty, and less equipped to care for her baby. We need to encourage and empower mothers to seek help when they need it, and to also trust their intuition. When offering a mother advice, it should be done with kindness, compassion, and letting her know that she should decide what is best for her baby.

Many mothers I’ve spoken to discuss how lonely they feel and that they struggle along their motherhood journeys and these feelings are further perpetuated by society’s expectations to bounce back and manage everything all on their own. This isn’t even mentioning the difficulties some mothers experience with returning to work so soon after the birth of their baby (in some countries, maternity leaves are only 45 days- I’ll be dedicating an entire post to this so stay tuned).

There’s a lot of emphasis on baby’s health and how baby is doing which is of course essential, however do we look as closely to the mother’s health and well-being? Many women are not screened for mental health challenges at their 6-week check-ups and they are sometimes too afraid or embarrassed to open up about how they are feeling to others. What could we be doing better as a society to help support, empower, and encourage mothers during such a pivotal time of their lives?