Tag: parenting

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Preparing our Children for Back-to-School (In Person and Virtual Learning)

back to school chalkboard

The topic that has been on every parent’s mind- do we send our children back to school or keep them home? For some parents the decision was already made by their school district which mandated virtual learning from the get-go, while for others, the decision weighted heavily on parents’ hearts and minds.

Regardless of the decision you made dear mama, you made the decision you needed to make for your family.  As we prepare our children for how this school year will look like, I know many parents are feeling the heaviness of this new way of life that has been thrust upon us all.

Having worked with children in schools, and having my own kids, I’ve been thinking of all parents who are trying to prepare their children whether it’s for in-person schooling or virtual schooling.  I devised some tips that may help you prepare your child for what this school year will look like.

  1. Talk to your child about how things will look like when school begins.

Sounds simple. However sometimes we aren’t sure how to start a conversation with our children or we’re so overwhelmed ourselves. It helps as school approaches and as you find out more from your school district what the safety measures within the school will be to discuss these with your child. Discuss with them the importance of looking after themselves, being mindful of others and their personal space, hand hygiene, masks, and try to explain in appropriate terms the reasoning behind these safety measures. Ask them if they have any questions. Our children have been out of school for months and it’s important we explore the thoughts they may have or worries regarding returning to school.

2. Social Stories

Social stories can really help children understand a concept or challenge that they’re experiencing. You can even have your child draw the pictures that go along with the story. The story can be how your child’s first day of school will go (i.e. wake up, brush teeth, get dressed, have breakfast, go to school, finding that things are different than usual, everyone wearing masks, etc.)

3. Get them involved.

Children love to be helpful and to be involved, especially when it comes to new school supplies. Have your child pick some of their school supplies, including their masks or at least have them involved in opening the packaging and organizing their supplies. Let your child pack their backpack with everything they’ll need (i.e. extra clothes for the little ones, extra masks, school supplies, indoor shoes, etc.). Making a checklist together that can be posted near the door can be a helpful way of getting them involved and also remembering all the items they’ll need to have each day as they head off to school.

4. Drive by their school

If your child is starting at a new school or starting kindergarten, it helps to take them for a drive to their school and show them the yard and familiarize them with where everything is. Even if your child isn’t starting at a new school, they’ve been away from their school for over five months and the anxiety of returning can be reduced by taking them to visit their school before the first day. Show your child where they will likely line up and where parents have to stand as some schools don’t permit parents to enter the school gates or school yard. Practice how drop-off will go and answer any questions they may have.

5. Ask them what they’re most excited about

In the midst of preparing our children for all the new measures they’ll find at school and that they’ll have to follow, it helps to have them think of the positives that they’re looking forward to at school. Try to end discussions around school on a positive note (i.e. what subject are you most looking forward to? What game are you looking forward to playing with your friends at recess? Who are you most excited to see at school?”)

6. Practice coping strategies they can use when feeling sad or overwhelmed at school.

Coping strategies like deep breathing, muscle relaxation and asking for a break when they need one are all important and can help your child feel better when things are difficult at school Some children also find comfort in taking a small item from home that they can keep in their pockets to touch whenever they feel overwhelmed.

Virtual learning preparedness

Talk to your child about how your day will typically look. After spending the past two months of summer break, children need a refresher for what virtual learning will look like. Let them ask questions and give suggestions on what they want the day to look like.

Visual schedule. Visual schedules can be really helpful to remind our children of the events of the day. Children love predictability and thrive off of routine. It should be flexible enough that things can be shuffled around if needed but it helps to post it in an accessible place in the home where your child can see it. It can also help to have your child involved in making the visual schedule.

Designate a place where learning will take place. Have your child design their name plate/place mat where they’ll be sitting for some of their learning. Learning can take place in various places around the home but it helps to have a designated table/desk where they can do some of their work and they know that it is their special spot.

Incorporate movement breaks. Breaks where children have to engage in some form of heavy work (i.e pulling or pushing something against their body’s resistance) can be very helpful in regulating our children. Things such as vacuuming, moving furniture, pulling laundry out of machines, mixing ingredients while cooking/baking, scrubbing tasks, etc.) can be helpful or you can ask them to do some jumping jacks, go outside for a quick walk/run around your home or in the yard.

Don’t compare your virtual learning journey with your child to others’ virtual learning journeys. I know this one is tough with so many online resources and ideas that pop up on our feeds and they are great for inspiration and to provide us with ideas when we’re stuck. However, there is a fine line between inspiration and comparison. If you feel yourself starting to compare your child or your abilities to others’ it helps to take a step back and perhaps avoid social media for a few days and focus on your child and how you’re going about things.

Will everyday go smoothly and end with everyone having a smile on their face? I’d love to believe so but given the reality we’re all in, I think it’s safe to assume that there will be bumps along the way. We will all get through it and our children will learn what they need to know. I think one of the most important things we can do is to keep pouring compassion and empathy onto ourselves and our children as we navigate this new experience we’ve all been faced with. Remember, our children look to us when formulating their ideas and attitudes about something. If we’re unsettled, chances are they will also become unsettled. If they hear us talking about school in a positive manner, they will likely associate it with something positive. It’s normal to feel uneasy about this school year, but let’s try to help our children see the positive aspects they’ll get to experience as well. We can help set the tone for our children and we can help them feel comforted and reassured- which is probably the most important kind of preparation we can do.

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Preparing Your Child for Kindergarten

boy colouring

 I’ve been thinking so much about my son’s journey of formal education starting this September and along with trying to keep my emotions in check, I’ve been trying to prepare him for kindergarten. My son has been going to daycare/preschool for the past couple of years now since I returned to work after my maternity leave. He’s used to the structure of a classroom and a routine which I know will be helpful. He has adjusted to being in a class with other children and 1-2 educators and having to wait his turn and share toys/activities. He has learned some very important skills which I know will serve him well as he enters school. His preschool has been primarily play-based so he’s had pretty much full days of unstructured play time which is great for children’s development and nurturing of social skills.

I’ve been talking to some of my teacher friends and trying to understand more about what kindergarten will look like. I think one of the biggest changes for my son will be that he will no longer have the opportunity to nap as he is still taking a mid-day nap at this point. The other thing he will have to adjust to is a brand new school with new staff and new children. My son has a difficult time with transitions but I’ll discuss below some of my strategies to help this transition be a smooth one.

I hope you find some of these strategies helpful in preparing your child for school and some tips on drop-off and pick up.

  1. Talk to your child about it.  Talking to children about the transition coming up ahead can be really helpful and choosing the right approach is key. Talking about all the exciting things they will get to learn and explore at school and trying to associate school with positive things will help. Walking them through what a typical school day will look like for them can help settle some of their fears as unpredictability and unfamiliarity are hard things for children to cope with.
  2. Read books about starting school with your child. I’ve invested in a couple books about starting school and I’ve been reading them with my son. Stories are such a powerful way to help make concepts easier to understand for children. We have a Daniel Tiger one that my son loves. I use stories for pretty much every transition my son has had to cope with (potty training, a new sibling, sleeping in a big bed, etc.)
  3. Validate their feelings. My son told me the other day that he was scared to go to “big boy school.” I validated his feelings and told him that it’s okay to feel frightened about going to a new school. I told him that we would help him through it and that one day it won’t feel as scary anymore.
  4. Take them to visit their new school. Although schools are closed during the summer, you can still drive by the school and show it to your child and show them the playground and get them excited about it. It’s much easier than showing up on the first day to a place they’ve never seen before or have only visited once. Most schools also have tours that you can go on-ask your child’s school if they can come for a tour of the school and their class.
  5. Teach your child how to do things on their own. In kindergarten, there are many children in the class and often times only 1-2 educators. I’ve been working on helping my son become more independent with dressing/undressing, opening containers and toileting as these are things he’ll be typically expected to do on his own.
  6. Get your child involved in picking out school supplies. This can really get them excited about it and reduce some of their anxiety about going to school.
  7. Keepsake. Get them a little keepsake they can keep with them and give it to them on their first day. It can be something very small that they can keep in their pocket which they can hold whenever they feel lonely or scared.
  8. Drop off tip: At drop-off, instead of focusing on the separation, focus on what’ll happen when you pick them up. Tell them you’ll go home and have a nice treat together or play a favourite game of theirs. Having a snack in the car for the way home can be really helpful as children are usually hungry and tired after a long day and it can help to prevent meltdowns until dinner is ready.
  9. After school tip: Give them time and space to unwind after a long day. We all love this as adults, and children do as well. Sometimes children just need to sit down in their familiar home environment and play with a familiar toy or read a book they like as a way to decompress after a long, emotional day. Try not to bombard them with questions on how their day went right away. Give them time to process and relax and then through play, you’ll find that they’ll be more willing to share about their day.

You’ve got this mama, and so does your child.

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To the Mother whose Maternity Leave is Ending Soon

mother kissing baby

I feel you dear mama as the clock is ticking and the time between now and your return to work is getting shorter. When you can’t imagine spending so many hours away from your baby because you’ve been attached at the hip since birth. I feel you and the tremendous guilt that is front and centre in your mind and in your heart. The thought of someone else taking care of your body and meeting his/her needs while you’re away which has been nagging at you and it has taken everything within you not to go back on your decision to return to work.  

I know how hard it is imagining that someone else will be putting your baby down for their nap, and someone else will get to look at their adorable face as they wake up. I know how hard it can be to imagine that someone else will be feeding, changing, and playing with your baby. I know you love your child more than anything and that your decision to go back to work is one of the hardest decisions you’ve ever had to make. I know you’re taking as many pictures as you can so you can look at them when you’re at work, when your heart is longing to see your precious one.  I know your eyes will well up when colleagues ask you how your baby is doing and you’ll choke back tears as you talk about them and how amazing they are. I know that the best part of your day will be the minute you walk in and see their eyes light up at seeing you and you embrace them so tightly and never want to let them go.

I know you try to think of all the perks you may enjoy while at work as a way to comfort yourself when you feel down. Perks such as eating your lunch uninterrupted, having adult interaction, and perhaps drinking your coffee or tea while it’s still warm.  I know you may start to feel mom-guilt for thinking about these perks and how you may enjoy some of the time that you’re away from your child.

I know your maternity leave feels like it flew by and you wish you could pause time for a bit. I’m feeling that now as the weeks, days, and minutes seem to fly by as my maternity leave is coming to an end. I look back on this past year and I can’t believe where the time has gone. Of course during the beginning of my maternity leave when I was in the thick of it (aka newborn trenches, aka not sleeping more than 2-3 hours a night), the days felt like they were dragging on and some days I wished time would go faster to the point where my daughter would sleep better and I could have some time for myself instead of being on nursing duty 24/7. Now I wish time would slow down-way down.

I know it’s hard and a mother’s decisions are never easy. Our societies expect mothers to work as if they don’t have children and finding flexible, understanding workplaces is a rarity. I know you’re worried about how you’ll manage it all and find that “balance.” I know you’re going to be giving all your energy to your work and you may feel the guilt again when you get home and you feel drained and wish you had more energy to give your child.  I know that this balancing act is hard and some things have to give for other things to happen.

But guess what? Although the first little while of adjusting to this new routine will be difficult for you and your family, it will get better. You’ll always miss your baby and you’ll always spend every free minute looking at their pictures, but once you get into a good rhythm and find ways to cope and keep the ship afloat, you’ll realize that initial gut-wrenching pain of being away from your baby will become less and less. The time you spend together will be much more special and you’ll find your new normal. You’ll be amazed at all the interesting things your child is learning and you’ll feel so proud of this little baby that is growing and developing and having fun.

It’s hard and I know you wonder if you’re doing the right thing. I’m right there with you. We’ll all come out on the other side. One day at a time.

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One of the Most Important Things I’ve Done Since Becoming a Mother

Managing our expectations and keeping them realistic is essential to our mental health, our self-esteem, and our overall well-being. Managing my expectations of myself, my parenting, and my children has been one of the most important things I’ve done since becoming a mother. This didn’t happen overnight for me- it took a long time to get to a place where I’m okay with things not always going smoothly or if my house isn’t in the best state or if my children don’t always act the way I want them to.

When I first became a mom almost four years ago, I’d be mortified if my son started acting up in public. I’d think that everyone would be judging me for being a bad mother who couldn’t control her child’s behaviour and the negative tape would start playing. Since I’ve started setting realistic expectations for my children’s behaviour, I’m much more relaxed now (although it’s still a work in progress). For example, I went to a stars and strollers show at the movie theatre (it’s a show dedicated for moms who want to bring their babies to a movie and they keep the lights on and lower the volume and have changing tables around etc.) I called up a friend and we took our babies. Before going, I had set my expectations really low and told myself that if my daughter only let me watch 30 mins of a 2-hour movie, I’d be happy! My daughter gave me 30 mins of peace and quiet and happily sat on my lap and ate her snacks. She then became restless (rightfully so- she’s only 13 months!) so she started crawling around everywhere, cried at some points, climbed up and down the stairs, tried to eat stuff off the ground, etc.) We didn’t make it to the end of the movie which I was fine with. I chose to focus on the good aspects of our outing and the time she did let me enjoy rather than focus on the frustrating and exhausting moments. I knew from the outset that it wasn’t going to be a smooth outing yet it wasn’t all bad and it went almost better than I expected.  Having realistic expectations of my daughter really helped.

Having reaIistic expectations of yourself is also so important. I hear a lot of mothers saying they wish they had more time and energy to cook more homemade meals, maintain a clean and organized home, take their children to more playgroups/activities, plan outings with their friends and resume some sort of a social life, carve out time to work out, among a multitude of other things. Yes it’s good to aspire to do better, but the problem becomes when these aspirations dampen our spirits, make us feel that these goals are unattainable and therefore we’re failing somehow, and make us feel that we’re not doing this whole motherhood thing right. None of these things are actually true. When we become mothers, are bodies and minds are consumed with caring for our children and we expect so much more of ourselves when caring for children is a full-time 24-hour/day job in and of itself.

Take a moment and look at your life and all your responsibilities and commitments and marvel at how well you’ve been doing this far. You do laundry once a week? Great. You cook one meal a week? Awesome. You did something for yourself this week? Fabulous. You survived an outing with your children and everyone came back home safely and somewhat happy? Marvelous.

You may see other moms who seem to be juggling more than you but please for your sake, your family’s sake and your sanity’s sake, don’t compare yourself to others. We are all so different in terms of our bodies, our capabilities, our support systems, our family dynamics, etc. No one has it all together, no one.

I know it’s hard to redefine our expectations when we’re used to a particular standard but here are some tips that I have found helpful:

Prioritize. Before going to sleep at night, make a list of the top 5 things that need to be done the next day. Factor in all appointments/meetings and figure out what tasks need to be done before/after. This will help keep you organized and it may reduce your stress from all the other things that you feel you need to do, but don’t have enough time for.

Done list. At the end of the day, make a mental note- or even better write it out – of all the things you did accomplish that day-even the smallest of tasks. This can make us feel so productive and accomplished and it’ll show you that you’re probably doing more than you think you are.

Positive Affirmations. Positive affirmations are this treasure that not very many people know about, yet has substantial benefits on our mindset and our well-being. Imagine if you told yourself throughout the day “I’m doing the best I can,”  “my children love me’ “I am a good mother.”  There are so many affirmations that can really help you change your mindset and help with making more realistic expectations. I like telling myself before an outing with my kids “it may not go smoothly or as well as I’d like, but that’s ok. I’m not a bad mother if my children act out or don’t listen to me. Worst case scenario, we’ll just come back home.” This really helps me instead of expecting that things “should” go smoothly and that everyone will be on their best behaviour and listen to me. The latter expectation will only set me up for more frustration.

You’re doing a great job. You have so much potential to do the things you want and need to do but give yourself some grace if you can’t do it all at once.

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How I Potty Trained My Children

I recently came out on the other side after potty training my daughter and I pretty much used the exact same method I used to potty train my son a few years ago. I’d like to share some tips on how I went about things to potty train both of my children. Of course it goes without saying that not all strategies will work for all children. Children are very different in their learning styles and speeds so don’t lose heart if you try an approach and it doesn’t work. And a lot of strategies depend on your child’s age and stage of development.  So keep in mind dear mama that this is the approach I used for my children but the approach that works for your child may end up being very different.

And just a little note before we get started, this is a big skill for children to learn. Essentially, they’re letting go of something they’ve known their entire lives that has been so easy, safe, and convenient for them. Your child has been going in his/her diaper since the time he/she was born and has never needed to interrupt their playing to go and use the bathroom. So learning to do this and taking ownership for using the toilet/potty is a big task for them. Remembering this helped me during my times of frustration.

The key ingredients regardless of what approach you use are: patience, consistency, time, and compassion. There are many approaches out there, some of them are intense 3-day approaches, some are more flexible, and you may end up using a mix of different approaches (like I did). It depends on your situation and your child.

I was working full-time and was 7.5 months pregnant when we first started potty training my son so I was doing the majority of this training on the weekends and working with his preschool on it during the week. We first tried potty training our son when he was around 2.5 years old, but after many attempts over a two-week period and several accidents both at preschool and at home, and many frustrations and loads of laundry later, we decided to take a break from it and try it again after baby’s arrival. Our son was showing that he wasn’t quite 100% ready yet. We started again full-force about 4 months after our daughter was born. My son had just turned 3 and we gave it another go. It was much easier this second time around and the concept clicked much quicker. Of course he still had accidents here and there but he eventually started telling us whenever he needed to go. I’m glad we decided to take a break until he was more ready, and we were all in a better place to attempt it again.

With my daughter, I saw that she had some readiness signs at the end of the summer so we started then. I quickly realized that perhaps it was too early as we were having a very hard time. I took a break and returned to it a couple months later and the process took about a week for her to be potty trained during the day (I didn’t start nighttime training with her yet and I think I’ll hold off for a while-she sleeps in a pull-up or diaper at this point).

My Tips on How I Potty Trained:

Tip 1: Preparation: These are the items I had on hand to prepare for this undertaking which I recommend you have as well:

  1. Potty
  2. Your child’s favourite treats
  3. Potty-related books
  4. Underwear
  5. Elastic-waist pants/shorts (much easier to pull down)
  6. Carpet stain remover (trust me on this one)
  7. Child’s toilet seat you can put on top of toilet
  8. Travel toilet seat

I bought my children a few books on potties (some are linked below). We read the books several times for a good week or so and we watched the Daniel Tiger’s Neighbourhood episode on potty training a few times as well just to introduce the concept to them before any pressure of actually using the potty. My children also usually came with me to the bathroom so they were exposed to the idea early on (#momlife).

The week before I knew I wanted to start potty training, I talked to my children about it a lot. I told them that we couldn’t pee/poop in the diaper anymore and that the only places we could do it were in the potty or toilet. I talked to them about it every single day for a week. When the day came for us to actually start, they were accustomed to hearing this so many times which I think really helped.

Preparing your child is one thing, but preparing yourself is just as important. Try to pick a time where there aren’t other major things happening in your life as having too much going on can exacerbate the stress and frustration of this whole process. Potty training needs quite a bit of dedication so choose the time you start wisely 😉

Here are some of the items I found very helpful while potty training. I have affiliate links below to the items which means I make a small commission if someone purchases them using these links (I’m so appreciative of your support!)

https://www.amazon.ca/gp/product/1101934271/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=15121&creative=330641&creativeASIN=1101934271&linkCode=as2&tag=mothercarejou-20&linkId=8d67da01f0ddc6cafeaca7c88f16bce9
https://www.amazon.ca/gp/product/0764152327/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=15121&creative=330641&creativeASIN=0764152327&linkCode=as2&tag=mothercarejou-20&linkId=c4038f6079b42fc377b649b3fd52b774
https://www.amazon.ca/gp/product/B075DZS6PX/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=15121&creative=330641&creativeASIN=B075DZS6PX&linkCode=as2&tag=mothercarejou-20&linkId=3e57e52057ae7315f289f3e98e5b0ced
https://www.amazon.ca/gp/product/075663928X/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=mothercarejou-20&camp=15121&creative=330641&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=075663928X&linkId=bf71d0a830ab7c48d7b455b0bed49b8f

2: Give your child the potty as if you’re giving them a gift. Have your child open the box with the potty in it as if he/she’s opening a surprise gift and really hype it up. It also helps to get your child underwear based on their favourite character to go along with the potty.

Tip 3: Take your child to the potty at regular, short intervals. Every morning, our routine started by having my children sit on the potty. Some days, in the early stages they would sit for a while and not do anything. I’d have them get up but I kept watching them closely and set the timer for five minutes and then I’d take them back on to try again. My general strategy was to get them to sit on the potty every 30 minutes. They would watch TV and/or read books or play with their toys while sitting on it. I also recommend giving your child extra fluids to increase their urge to go. I’d be standing very close to them and I kept giving them words of encouragement (sometimes I’d give them treats if they went in the potty). The first time my children actually peed/pooped in the potty, I made a big deal and let them choose a treat. I called their grandma and grandpa and told them the great news! Accidents happened during our process. When they happen, it’s important not to make too much of a big deal and to reinforce that we can try again next time.

Tip 4: Pick the approach you’re most comfortable with (diapers/no diapers/pull-ups). I know some parents do the “rip the bandaid” approach where they throw out all the diapers in the house in the garbage in front of their child and tell them “no more diapers, just underwear from now on” to further drive home the concept. I personally didn’t do this but it can certainly be effective. I used pull-ups because I wanted my children to wear them during naps and at bedtime. Some may not agree with this approach but it’s just what worked for us. I would emphasize to my children that these were called pull-ups and that they were not diapers. I would keep my children in underwear most of the time but I did put them in pull-ups some days if we had to go out of the house and as mentioned they wore them while they slept for the first little while until I could see that they were waking up with their pull-ups being dry. Regardless if they were in pull-ups or wearing underwear though, I still took them to the potty or toilet every 30 minutes

Tip 5:Keep reminding your child to tell you when they need to go. Children need a lot of reinforcement, encouragement and patience during this process. They also need to continuously hear “tell me when you need to go potty.” I kept telling my children this all day in order for it to finally click (one book I read said children need to hear this around 100 times a day for it to register and for it to come to mind when they need to go). It took my son a few days to start consistently telling me when he needed to go and by day 3 my daughter was telling me when she had to go (this will be a major breakthrough moment). The reason this is important is that it gives them a sense of responsibility and ownership instead of relying on you to take them every little while.

Tip 6: Keep a potty easily accessible in the place you spend the most time. I recommend keeping a potty in the area where you spend the most time-living room, kitchen, playroom, etc. This way, it’s easier to take your child at frequent intervals to try going instead of running to the bathroom every little while. Also, the potty might not be as intimidating as the toilet when you’re starting off. The toilet can look scary for children because it’s high off the ground and their feet can’t touch the ground when they’re on it so they feel as though they are hanging.

Tip 7: Try to focus on your child and watch him/her for signs that they need to go. Try your best to watch your child when they’re off the potty for signs that they need to go. Some parents generally know when their children need to go and try to get them on the potty.  Some approaches recommend that you stay home for the whole duration while potty training. I know this sometimes isn’t feasible and giving your child your full undivided attention may be difficult especially if you have other children and responsibilities to tend to, but just try your best. If you need to go out for a bit, just make sure to time it right after your child has gone on the potty and make it a routine that they have to use the potty before going out.

Tip 8:Toilet Training. Once your child seems to be getting the hang of things, you can try him/her on the toilet. I highly recommend getting a children’s toilet seat that fits on top of the toilet as it’ll make them feel safer. Some even have handles that the child can hold onto while sitting down. You can also get a foldable compact one to take when going out to put on top of public bathroom toilet seats. If you’re out and still in the potty training trenches, it’s a good idea to have your child practice going in an unfamiliar environment. You can go first and show them how it’s not scary and then have them try. The more exposure and practice, the better.

Tip 9: Get support. Potty training can be emotionally, mentally, and physically draining. Discuss with your partner if they can take the evening potty training shift and/or to take it on for part of the weekend so you can get some distance and some rest from it all.

Tip 10: Give your child choices whenever possible. It can really help to give your child choices and a sense of control whenever possible during this process. Ask them “Would you like to use the potty or toilet?” or “Which book/toy would you like to bring with you to the potty?” “Would you like me to read you this book or that book while you sit on the potty?”

Side note regarding bowel movements: Just to let you know, bowel movements may take more time as it can be scarier for children, but they will eventually get it. It’s important not to rush the process or show our children our frustration, as it can backfire. Whenever my children pooped in their pull-up or underwear, I’d take them to the bathroom, empty out the contents of the pull-up/underwear into the toilet and have them flush it. I’d explain to them every time that the toilet or the potty is where poop belongs and eventually, it clicked.

In Summary…

Preparing your child beforehand by reading books/watching shows and talking to them about it is important and can reduce resistance to the whole idea.  Try to take them at regular intervals and pay attention to the signs they’re giving when they’re off the potty because that’ll help you prevent accidents.

I hope some of these tips help, and again, don’t come down hard on yourself or your child if this approach doesn’t work or if any other approach you try doesn’t work right away. It may be that your child needs more time until they’re ready as this is a big step! It’s okay to take a break if things aren’t progressing. Self-compassion and compassion for your child throughout this process are going to be incredibly important!

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To the mom who’s doing it mostly on her own:

mom holding child on her back

I see you dear mama- you wake up after a not-so-restful night to the sounds of your precious little ones waking up with full energy to start the day. You close your eyes for one second and take a deep breath and pray that you’ll have enough energy to get through the day. You feel the weight of your body on your bed and how comfortable it feels to keep laying down and closing your eyes, but you know that there are people waiting for you and depending on you.

You get up and get everyone changed and fed and answer 153 questions about why chairs have four legs, amongst other things that make you scratch your head. Your husband may be traveling for work, he might work long hours, or maybe he’s unable to keep up with all the work that needs to be done due to health difficulties he’s facing. You’re bearing most of the parenting and day-to-day tasks on your shoulders and it’s hard.

People ask me quite often how I do it. How I take care of two little children who are so young and dependent on me for everything while my husband is away. To be completely honest, it’s hard. You can’t expect your husband to walk through the door at 5:30pm and help out. You have no one to share “this is so crazy” looks and chuckles with. No one to look after one of the children while you tend to the other. No one else to take care of the kids while you go to the bathroom, take a much-needed shower, or step outside for some fresh air. No one else is around to do the dishes, vacuum, or take one kid to the potty while the other needs their diaper changed. No one else to look at that “super cool” lego structure that was built and no one else to comfort the crying baby. No one to share the joy of your baby saying their first word.  It’s just you mama. And it’s hard and lonely. Lonely even though you don’t have a minute to yourself.

But I have to say, after doing it for some time, it does get somewhat easier. The loneliness still gets to me but the ability to manage the chaos gets somewhat easier with time. You become stronger, more capable, and know what to expect. You figure things out. You realize that you’re able to do things you never thought you’d be able to. I know there are many other moms in the same boat as me. I know it’s hard, but I’ve realized that there are some things I can do to take care of myself and survive this phase. Here are some of the things that have helped me and may help you as well:

Find a way to have time for yourself. Whether it’s on the weekend, or when your partner comes home from his trip, or if you can hire a babysitter a couple hours during the day/evening just so you can do something to rejuvenate you, please do it. It shouldn’t be seen as a luxury-it really is a necessity.  When things are really going out of control around here while I’m alone with the kids, I find some peace in knowing that I have some time to myself to look forward to even if it’s going out with a friend or going out shopping by myself later that week. It really helps to have some time alone and clear your head and not have to be responsible for anyone even if it’s for a short period of time.

Find something to look forward to everyday. This can really help make the days seem a bit less difficult and maybe even enjoyable. For me, it’s enjoying my cup of coffee and reading a book while my daughter naps and my son is watching Paw Patrol. Yes I allow some screen time so I can start my morning off with some peace and quiet. I’ve let go of the momguilt associated with screen time because it only gets used for short intervals of the day and it makes everyone feel better so win-win situation.

Have realistic expectations. This is my final and maybe my most important tip. I realized during the first time I was on my own with the kids that I wasn’t going to be able to keep up with everything that needed to be done. I also realized that working myself into a mental and physical breakdown would not benefit anyone. That is why we sometimes order take-out instead of cooking. It’s also why after putting my kids to bed I sometimes crash right afterwards instead of folding laundry or doing the dishes. It took me a long time to get to this point, but once I did, life became much simpler and I’ve become kinder to myself.

I know that no matter what, there will still be challenging days while you’re navigating this motherhood journey and doing so much on your own.  You will figure it out, mama. And when the kids are all in bed and you breathe in the silence and peace of your once-chaos-ridden home, you feel like you can conquer anything. I see you, and I know it’s hard. But you can do it- maybe not everyone can do what you do, but you dear, strong mama, can.