Tag: motherhood

Posted on by

Coping with Emotional Exhaustion

Woman on beach

It makes sense that so many mothers are experiencing emotional exhaustion or burnout. The last few months have pushed many mothers to their limits with added responsibilities and stress. The mental and emotional load has been relentless as we tend to everything and everyone at home. Many mothers are feeling depleted and are experiencing difficulty with the day-to-day demands of motherhood, along with meeting their own needs as they meet everyone else’s.

We’re human and it’s normal to feel increasingly frustrated and exhausted with the ongoing demands of our children, our homes, and for many of us, work on top of that. Not to mention health challenges many mothers may be experiencing, and the overall stress of being in the midst of a pandemic, and all the unknowns associated with it.

So how do we keep going amidst all of this when we feel so emotionally exhausted?

  • The power of our thoughts. What have your thoughts been mostly centered around? That can give you a good indication as to what is distressing you the most. Is it a scenario that hasn’t happened yet? Something from your past you’re thinking about? Thoughts of self-doubt? Thoughts about comparing yourself to others? It’s hard work and quite a process to examine and change our thoughts but it definitely is needed to help change how we’re feeling. Remember, our thoughts are not facts. But they can certainly become beliefs if we don’t examine and challenge them.

  • Examine what is contributing to your daily emotional exhaustion. Write it out if you have to. Make a list of everything you’re trying to tend to currently. Some things we can limit from our lives, postpone, or remove altogether. Some responsibilities however, we cannot let go of so it helps to know what we can do without for now. If you feel guilty about letting something go for now, keep reminding yourself that your health and well-being are the priority now and that everything else can wait. I’ve learned the hard way that if we keep pushing through despite our exhaustion, our bodies will force us to rest.
  • Sleep. I can’t emphasize the importance of good sleep on our emotional well-being. But I know as mothers, this isn’t in our control when we have little ones sometimes needing us throughout the night. But trying to sleep earlier to increase our overall nighttime sleep is so important, despite how tempting it is to stay up and binge-watch our favourite shows with all the snacks. Try sleeping 15 minutes earlier each night and practice some meditation or deep breathing before sleep. Another important tip is to try and reduce screentime right before bed if possible.
  • Voice your needs. Is there anyone around that can help lift the load off of you, even if it’s just for a bit as you regain your composure? Your health matters too mama and if there are others that can help you out, now is the time to let them in.
  • Time for yourself. I know this may seem like a far-fetched reality for many mothers out there who don’t have the proper support system needed to enable them to carve out time for themselves so they can recharge. It’s so important for mothers to have some time to themselves where they have no demands placed on them, where they can hear themselves think, where they don’t have to supervise anyone or tend to anyone else but themselves. I know we’re stretched too thin right now but it has never been more important to have some time to rejuvenate and feel like yourself. Start with short periods of time if this is all that is feasible now-even 20 minutes at a time of rest, a walk outside alone, reading a book on your deck/balcony, calling a friend without any interruptions- small steps are the way to start.
  • Nature. The benefits of spending time in nature on our well-being are manifold. If you have a nearby park or your backyard even, try to step outside and take deep breaths and look up at the sky. Sit on the ground, feel the earth beneath you, and repeat calming affirmations to yourself such as “I’ll be okay” or “how I’m feeling now is temporary.”

Your health and well-being matter, mama. There’s only so much you can handle before it really takes a toll on you. Listen to your body, and your needs and remember how important you are to your family.

This is intended for educational purposes only- please seek professional support for ongoing difficulties.

Posted on by

Activities That Keep My Kids Entertained, and Keep me Sane

Childen playing on the ground

These are my favourite activities to do with my kids- and we’ve been doing them a lot more these days. Just a little disclaimer though- I hesitated before posting this because I never want another mom to see this post and think I have it all together and that my kids don’t have screen time and are easy to entertain. My kids watch tv, we watch family movies together, and I certainly don’t always have it together. These activities are things I use throughout the week and I’ve found them helpful and wanted to help out other moms. We’re all in this together! I have a two-year-old and a four-year-old so most of these activities are things we can all do together given their ages. You may need to adapt them given your children’s ages.

  • Picnic in the living room/basement/patio. I love this one and I’ve used it a few times this year on those rainy days at home -It’s an instant mood booster for my children and it gets them excited. I get them to help me pack our picnic basket. We usually do it in our living room. We lay a plastic table cover underneath us and sit together and eat our lunch. Sometimes to really get us in the zone, I put a youtube video of a nice meadow or nature scenes with nice music in the background- I know it sounds kind of cheesy but it really does give it a picnic feel.
  • Use household items to make crafts. I love this one and I’ve been using it a lot during this past week. Empty paper towel roll? My son uses it to decorate his new telescope. Empty cereal box? We flatten it, open it up, and make it our new city which my son paints, decorates, and builds buildings on using LEGO’s (thank you @busytoddler for this one) Empty egg cartons can be used to make all sorts of crafts too or for sorting activities.
  • Indoor camping. This fits in with my indoor picnic idea. When we get to that point in the afternoon/evening where everyone is having a hard time especially after being indoors for most of the day, I say “who wants to go camping?” My kids right away know to bring pillows and blankets onto the ground near our fireplace and they know I’m grabbing marshmallows from the kitchen. We all sit on the ground, eat marshmallows by the fire and each person takes a turn sharing a story.
  • Scavenger hunt. Nothing like a good scavenger hunt to get children excited. I find it doesn’t even take that much prep work. Pick 5-10 items you can hide around your house (I use snacks too as a bonus incentive and then they can eat them right after- buys me more quiet time and less-asking-for-snacks later). I read the list of items to my kids (they’re 2 and 4 so they need a bit more help with this one) and then off they go. Some of the items I hide include: Mr. Potato-Head, paw patrol toys, picture frames, wooden alphabet letters, legos (find a yellow lego piece), etc.
  • Hide-and-seek. I love this one for several reasons. It gets my kids up and moving, they’re beyond excited throughout it, and I get to do most of it while sitting on the couch. My son usually wants me to be “it” and asks that I count to 30 (or 9 somedays) We usually play it in our basement so I can literally see them the whole time and I don’t have to walk all over the house trying to find them then when I’m done counting I take my time trying to “find” them. They love it, it keeps them entertained, and I get to finish my coffee while it’s hot. Win-win.
  • Keeping a journal. My son’s teacher sent home a blank journal on their last day of school and asked parents to have their children keep a record of what they did during this time at home. I’ve incorporated it into our late afternoon daily routine and my son doesn’t mind it. I ask him to draw (he’s 4 so he can’t really write a whole lot yet) his favourite activity we did that day. I know it’ll be nice to look back on when this is all over and it helps him appreciate the things we did that day.
  • Pull out the craft box. I have a supply of craft items (construction paper, pipe cleaners, paint, crayons, markers, glue, scissors, beads, Pom-poms). Sometimes I find a craft idea online and we do it together and other times it’s just do-whatever-your-imagination-wants type of craft.
  • Play restaurant. Tell your children that you’re visiting their restaurant (they can come up with a name for it too!) and tell them your order. Depending on their age, they can actually make the items or for younger kids, they can make them out of play-doh. I usually order spaghetti and meatballs which are pretty easy for my kids to make out of play-doh. It keeps the kids entertained while you sit at the kitchen table-Another win-win!
  • Obstacle course. Have your child build an obstacle course that their favourite toys/trucks have to get through. You can use legos, pillows, Kleenex boxes, anything really and you’ll be amazed what they come up with.

Having said all of this, just a little reminder mama that if you already have activities that work or if you read some of these ideas and think “my children would never enjoy this” then that’s totally okay too! I never want to post something that puts more pressure on mothers- we have enough to manage already. These are simply activities that have worked for us and have a positive effect on my children and on our overall morale at home.

We’re all in this together.

Posted on by — 2 Comments

To the Mom Who Wants to Take Better Care of Herself, But Can’t Figure Out How

Dear mama, I know you’ve heard the statements “you need to take better care of yourself” or “you need to make time for self-care” and each time you do, you may make a mental note of how you’re going to do this but then the next day rolls around and you find that there just the time, energy, or mental capacity to even know where to start along the path of self-care. Do I start with exercising? Do I start with figuring out what makes me happy and trying to factor it into my day? Do I start with better sleep? Do I start by eating better? I know how daunting it can be and we may end up feeling worse as we look upon the mountains of laundry, dishes, and tasks that revolve around keeping our children healthy, happy, and safe, as well as keeping the ship afloat at home. I personally found after having my second child that I had to work really hard at incorporating self-care into my day. I didn’t realize how much harder it would be once I had two little ones to continue to take good care of myself but I found out the hard way that I either make time for myself, or my body will force me to take the time.

So I get it dear mama. I know you have days where you don’t feel like yourself. I know you look back on yourself ten years ago and you can’t recognize who that person was and what they used to like doing with their time. I know you have passions and things you love to do, but there’s so much on your plate that it can seem like a far-fetched reality to try and engage in those desired activities again. I know you go to bed each night perhaps feeling depleted, exhausted, and not knowing how the day passed. You may feel as though you didn’t get everything done and you realize that yet another day has passed where you remained at the end of your never-ending list of things to tend to. It’s not your fault. It never has been. When I talk about self-care for moms, I’m very careful about how I approach it because I never want a mother to think that it’s her fault that she feels the way she does or that she hasn’t tended to her needs. This isn’t a blaming game- it’s a wake-up call that we all need once in a while to help us do a little shift in our perspectives, priorities, and lifestyles. When I talk about self-care, I try to frame it from the aspect of what does society need to do to enable us to take better care of ourselves? Because let’s face it- all of our responsibilities are here to stay. So how can we incorporate this vital aspect of our lives into our already overflowing schedules?

I’ll tell you what I did. I started small. And by small, I mean 10 minutes. I mean I started becoming more intentional about my day and what I spent my time on. It meant being selective about what I gave my energy to. It meant going to the Doctor to discuss some symptoms I had been having and getting treated for them. It meant setting aside 15 minutes each night before I sleep to drink a cup of tea while reading a good book and telling myself that I was doing this because I deserve to do things that I enjoy in my life and that bring me peace and comfort. It meant that I schedule down time during my day where I don’t feel the need to fill every second of it with some task that needs to be done. It means meeting up with a good friend once in a while. It means going out by myself for 30 minutes and coming back feeling refreshed and rejuvenated even though there is laundry and dishes and cooking and work to get done. It means limiting interactions with others that don’t contribute to my well-being. It means putting my needs first once in a while because when I do that, I’m much more able to tend to the needs of those I love the most.

That is what I did and you know what? It didn’t take as much time as I had made it to be in my mind. In fact, I felt more productive to continue on with my daily responsibilities, and I felt happier, lighter, and more at peace. Do I always get to engage in the self-care that I need to? Nope. But I do make an effort to incorporate at least one thing and to be intentional about it.

Mama, you are so important. Your health and well-being are vital to the health and well-being of your entire family. I know there’s so much to do and not enough time and I know those beautiful children of yours are so dependent on you and take up most of your energy and time. But you are a person too. And a very worthy person. A person who deserves to go about her day at a pace that lets her breathe. A person who deserves rest, love, support, and appreciation.

Posted on by

To the Mama Trying to Manage Family Life With Work

Balance is a tricky thing and many people have actually stated that there is no such thing as balance. One thing in our lives will always consume more of our time and energy and mental capacity than the other things we have in our lives.

I’ve strived for this notion of family-work balance for years since I went back to work after having my first child four years ago. I tried different processes and tips and tricks to keep my head above water while working full-time. It wasn’t easy to say the least. I always felt like I was dropping the ball in at least one aspect of my life while I tended to the others. The most important part of my life however has been, and always will be, my children.

It was hard to maintain this semblance of family-work balance as it wasn’t easy when one of my children were sick and needed me to stay home with them. I was falling behind at work, having to leave early to take them to appointments or run errands before picking them up as that was the most convenient time I could do my errands while my kids were at daycare. I was one of the only employees at my old workplace who had children and there was always this uneasy feeling I had when I couldn’t be 100% present at work because I had something far more important to occupy my mind and time. I couldn’t stay late and get more work done like others could and I got to the point where I stopped feeling guilty about that. After about four months of going back to work after returning from my maternity leave with my second child, I felt the need to leave my job. It was one of the hardest decisions for me to make as it was a job I loved and I had made friends with wonderful people there. I was so passionate about mental health and leaving that job was a very emotional task for me. But I realized that it wasn’t sustainable in the long run to continue working in such a demanding job with two young children who needed so much of me.

I started a new job in my field and it has helped me in getting closer to that family-work balance point. It’s still very busy but it’s definitely less intense and I’m able to keep my head above water more.

I’m sharing my working mom journey with you because I know how difficult it can be dear mama. When your kids reach out to you in the morning and tell you they want to stay with you and you pry yourself away with tears in your eyes, feeling guilt like no other for the rest of the day. I know how it is when you feel that you’re lagging behind others at work because you’ve had to leave early or come in late or miss several days at work because your babies needed you. I know how it is when you have responsibilities piling up and by the time you get to the weekend, there’s barely time to relax and spend time with your children because other things need your attention too. It’s so difficult when your to-do list is growing and you feel that there aren’t enough hours in the day. It’s an almost impossible juggling act that can take a toll mentally, emotionally, and physically.

I get it. And I know how hard you’re trying.
So don’t feel bad if you still haven’t reached that magical (possibly hypothetical) balance.

Take a deep breath, focus on your priorities and realize that you are an amazing mother who is loved and appreciated 

💕
Posted on by

Making Before and After School a Smoother Time

It’s the third week of school already! I’ve definitely learned a few things over the past three weeks that have helped make our mornings before school and our afternoons after pick-up from school smoother for everyone. My son started junior kindergarten this year and we’ve made it through the transition and now we’re working on developing a good morning and after-school routine.

So what does our routine look like?

Prepare the night before. There are the obvious things I do the night before to make our mornings smoother such as prepare his lunch, his backpack, and clothes. It makes things much less stressful in the morning.

Try to start your day earlier to avoid the stress of rushing. In the morning, I try to get an early start for the day to give us time to deal anything that may come up and just to give us enough time to get ready without the stress of rushing. Even fifteen minutes earlier can make a difference.

Validate, and don’t dismiss feelings when they’re expressed. My son today told me he doesn’t want to go to school. I asked him why and he said he was scared. I sat beside him and asked him more questions about how and what he was feeling. I gave him time to talk about it and validated his feelings and helped him settle some of his fears and problem-solve around them. It’s important to give some time to settle your children’s fears when they voice them but I know it can be stressful when you’re rushing to get everyone ready and out of the house. A few minutes can go a long way though- it makes me think of how nice it is when as adults we’re struggling with something and someone takes the time to listen to us- just that in and of itself and can help us feel better.

Use a visual timer. I don’t know about your kids but my son likes to take his time getting dressed and we try to foster some independence in this area and get him to do as much as possible but we obviously step in and help when needed. It’s usually a very long, slow process though to get him to agree to get dressed for school so I started using a visual timer for my son to see how much time we have for this. He’s actually responded well to it and tries to beat the timer which has saved me a lot of nagging in the morning. A friend of mine uses the timer on her phone which works well too!

Now for after-school:

Food. Always have food on hand. When I go to pick up my son, I pack a couple snacks for him to eat on the way home as he’s usually starving! He’ll sometimes finish some items from his lunch but I also bring a back-up in case he has nothing left. I try not to let him snack too much as we have dinner a little while after we get home but I give him enough to avoid the hangriness and the ride home is usually much smoother and happier for everyone.

Give them time to unwind. The drive home is typically quiet as my son is usually busy munching on his snacks and I ‘d rather give him some time to unwind after a long day before chatting to him all the way home about his day. After we get home, we wash up and change and then I tell my son to go rest on the couch for a bit (if I can’t do that, someone else might as well do it) or play until I empty out his lunch box and backpack. He usually asks for the TV right when we get home but I try to delay it a bit until he’s rested and had some quiet time after a loud, busy day at school.  I’ll then come and talk to him a bit about how his day went then I’ll turn the TV on while I’m preparing dinner.

Expect that meltdowns and tantrums may happen. Learning about the concept of “after-school restraint collapse” has been super helpful in getting me to understand my son and why he has meltdowns sometimes after school and how to respond to them. He’s not doing it to make my life harder- he’s genuinely struggling after a long day of trying to keep it together and now he feels safe to let all his feelings out. Perhaps he got in trouble for something he didn’t do or a friend stopped playing with him or got called a name by someone in his class. Our children don’t always tell us everything they’ve experienced and may just respond with “good” when we ask them about their day. They may have experienced so many difficult emotions and not had the opportunity to process them so they save that for home. It’s important to empathize and give them their space and not to take it personally- they need a safe, compassionate person to help them through it (You!)

I hope everyone’s back-to-school transition has gone smoothly and that everyone is adjusting well! If not, don’t let it bring you down as it is common for the transition to take time. I’m still trying to get things in order as there are days where we definitely don’t have it all together. It’ll take time and we’ll all get there eventually.

Posted on by

Preparing Your Child for Kindergarten

boy colouring

 I’ve been thinking so much about my son’s journey of formal education starting this September and along with trying to keep my emotions in check, I’ve been trying to prepare him for kindergarten. My son has been going to daycare/preschool for the past couple of years now since I returned to work after my maternity leave. He’s used to the structure of a classroom and a routine which I know will be helpful. He has adjusted to being in a class with other children and 1-2 educators and having to wait his turn and share toys/activities. He has learned some very important skills which I know will serve him well as he enters school. His preschool has been primarily play-based so he’s had pretty much full days of unstructured play time which is great for children’s development and nurturing of social skills.

I’ve been talking to some of my teacher friends and trying to understand more about what kindergarten will look like. I think one of the biggest changes for my son will be that he will no longer have the opportunity to nap as he is still taking a mid-day nap at this point. The other thing he will have to adjust to is a brand new school with new staff and new children. My son has a difficult time with transitions but I’ll discuss below some of my strategies to help this transition be a smooth one.

I hope you find some of these strategies helpful in preparing your child for school and some tips on drop-off and pick up.

  1. Talk to your child about it.  Talking to children about the transition coming up ahead can be really helpful and choosing the right approach is key. Talking about all the exciting things they will get to learn and explore at school and trying to associate school with positive things will help. Walking them through what a typical school day will look like for them can help settle some of their fears as unpredictability and unfamiliarity are hard things for children to cope with.
  2. Read books about starting school with your child. I’ve invested in a couple books about starting school and I’ve been reading them with my son. Stories are such a powerful way to help make concepts easier to understand for children. We have a Daniel Tiger one that my son loves. I use stories for pretty much every transition my son has had to cope with (potty training, a new sibling, sleeping in a big bed, etc.)
  3. Validate their feelings. My son told me the other day that he was scared to go to “big boy school.” I validated his feelings and told him that it’s okay to feel frightened about going to a new school. I told him that we would help him through it and that one day it won’t feel as scary anymore.
  4. Take them to visit their new school. Although schools are closed during the summer, you can still drive by the school and show it to your child and show them the playground and get them excited about it. It’s much easier than showing up on the first day to a place they’ve never seen before or have only visited once. Most schools also have tours that you can go on-ask your child’s school if they can come for a tour of the school and their class.
  5. Teach your child how to do things on their own. In kindergarten, there are many children in the class and often times only 1-2 educators. I’ve been working on helping my son become more independent with dressing/undressing, opening containers and toileting as these are things he’ll be typically expected to do on his own.
  6. Get your child involved in picking out school supplies. This can really get them excited about it and reduce some of their anxiety about going to school.
  7. Keepsake. Get them a little keepsake they can keep with them and give it to them on their first day. It can be something very small that they can keep in their pocket which they can hold whenever they feel lonely or scared.
  8. Drop off tip: At drop-off, instead of focusing on the separation, focus on what’ll happen when you pick them up. Tell them you’ll go home and have a nice treat together or play a favourite game of theirs. Having a snack in the car for the way home can be really helpful as children are usually hungry and tired after a long day and it can help to prevent meltdowns until dinner is ready.
  9. After school tip: Give them time and space to unwind after a long day. We all love this as adults, and children do as well. Sometimes children just need to sit down in their familiar home environment and play with a familiar toy or read a book they like as a way to decompress after a long, emotional day. Try not to bombard them with questions on how their day went right away. Give them time to process and relax and then through play, you’ll find that they’ll be more willing to share about their day.

You’ve got this mama, and so does your child.

Posted on by — 2 Comments

How I Get Things Done With My Children At Home With Me

Child playing with books

I think in a world where there is so much controversy around different parenting styles and opinions, one thing I think most moms would agree on is how difficult it is to get things done at home when your little ones are around, demanding every second of your attention and every bit of energy you have.  As much as we’d like to be present with our children and dedicate our full attention to them, there are things we still have to do on a day-to-day basis to keep the ship afloat.  A lot of these things are also directly related to caring for our children yet the conundrum is that they sometimes don’t give us the opportunity to do what we need to do. You may look at the clock and find it’s already lunch time yet the dishes from the night before are still sitting in the sink, the garbage hasn’t been taken out and it’s over-flowing, the laundry baskets are sitting abandoned in a far away corner (both in your house and in your mind), those appointments you were supposed to make still haven’t been made, you have no idea what to prepare for dinner, and you have little ones pulling at you, wanting you to play with them.  Sound familiar? Or you may be able to get little things done here and there but by the end of the day, you feel as though you accomplished nothing. In reality however, you did accomplish things- you actually did a lot but because it didn’t meet the expectation you had set for yourself that day, it feels as though your to-do list was untouched.

So what can we do? Do we just keep on living in an endless cycle of “too-much-to-do-and-not-enough-time-or-energy-to-do-it?” I wish I had a simple solution that could solve this dilemma for us moms who are just trying to take good care of our children, our homes (and hopefully ourselves too), however we think that either our children are going to be neglected while we do it, or our home and our to-do list will continue to be pushed to the back burner.

I’ve come up with some tips that have personally helped me keep my head above water although just a disclaimer: I have not mastered the art of getting things done with little ones around. I try each day to do what I need to do, but there are days where I go to bed and I would need another 3-4 hours to truly finish what I need to finish for the day. I’m still learning about how to make things work better in this phase of life that I’m currently in and I know that my strategies will need to keep changing to be aligned with the phase and circumstances I’m going through.

  • Set realistic expectations. I know there may be eye-rolls with this one but hear me out. I know it can be overwhelming when things get left undone but just remind yourself that you are one human being. You may have multiple children who are all in need of your attention and care and trying to do everything you need/want to do everyday with young children around can be unrealistic.  This may be the most important thing I did for myself when I became a mother-I became kinder to myself and cut myself some slack when things didn’t always go as I had hoped they would and if I go to sleep at the end of the day with my house not looking immaculate, I’m okay with that. My standards have gone down a notch and I’m perfectly okay with it because my house has young children living in it and a mother who is desperately trying to keep up, but has chosen her sanity and well-being over getting it all done. You deserve to cut yourself some slack too and find how you can make your expectations of yourself kinder, more practical, and more realistic.
  • Ask yourself: Does this task need to get done today? I know we have tons of things to do each day and so our expectations become that we have to finish everything on that list because it’s ALL essential. Here’s what I’m saying: if it doesn’t get done today, how much will it impact your day tomorrow? Think about what you have going on tomorrow. Is not folding this basket of laundry going to have a significant impact? Obviously you want to get it folded and out of the way rather than let it hang over your head for days on end, but when you’re going through your day and you realize that there just isn’t time to get this task done, can it wait for another day/time? Prioritize what needs to get done today and simplify wherever you can.
  • Try to get things done that you can’t do while your kids are awake while they’re napping/having quiet time in their rooms. This is where I get creative and I take a look at what my day entails and I categorize the tasks that I absolutely can’t do when my kids are awake and running around such as mopping the floor or taking a much-needed shower (I don’t like an audience). I try and save one or two tasks like these for when they’re napping and then I use the rest of their nap for rest time for me to keep me going for the rest of the day. Of course if your kids don’t nap at the same time that can pose a problem but it’s easier to get things done even if only one of your children is napping and the other is awake (unless they usually keep each other entertained then try to make their naps at the same time if possible or give one a nap and the other quiet time in their room if it’s safe to do so). The main thing here is that there are some tasks that you can maybe do while your children are awake and playing in the same room as you but other tasks that you can plan to do while they nap/are being watched by someone else.
  • Try to involve your children in the tasks. I know this is easier said than done! Cleaning up can be a group effort once you get your children used to it. It may be hard at first, and it also depends on their ages but starting to get them used to helping you clean up early on may save you tons of time (and grief) later on. It also gives them a sense of responsibility to learn to clean up and put their toys away. I try and implement the rule that they can’t move to a new activity until the activity/toy they’re playing with has been put away.
  • Set your kids up with an activity-a little bit of set-up can go a long way even if it’s an activity that’ll keep them entertained for 15-20 minutes-you’d be surprised how much you can get done in that time frame! I have a supply of crafts that I keep on hand for these types of moments where I need some time to get something done. I pull out the paint, playdough, sensory bins, construction paper, scissors, crayons, etc. and I let my son get creative.
  • Make an investment in your children’s attention/quality time bank. This is something that can actually work and it can make everyone feel better so win-win. Our children love to be around us and love when we give them our undivided attention and especially when we play with them. It can go a long way if you dedicate a good chunk of time (even if it’s just 10-15 minutes) to solely playing with your child or engaging in an activity with them. When I take the time and do this, my children are usually okay to play independently for a little while after I slip away or I sometimes tell them “mommy has to go and finish something but I’ll be back to play some more” and they’re usually much more willing to play and entertain themselves until I get back. Even if your child only starts out by playing independently for 10 minutes-that’s huge in the world of toddlers/young children. It’s something that can keep developing so don’t be disheartened if they only play alone for small periods of time.
  • Place your child in their highchair with snacks/toys while you cook/get things done. If your child is young enough, this is a strategy that can help you keep them safe while you get things done. Of course if your child is eating they should always be supervised but at least they’re in one location, you can easily see them, and your arms are free to do stuff and also keeps your children from playing at your feet. This is how I normally cook- I place my daughter in her high chair with some snacks/toys and I keep talking to her/singing to her which keeps her entertained.  
  • Time Blocking. This is one my favourite strategies. How it works is that basically when you get up each day, prioritize your top 3-4 tasks that need to get done that day. Of course we all have an endless number of important things to do each day but pick the top 3-4 that really need to get done.  Pick the top tasks and figure out during your day when you’ll be able to dedicate time to each one. You may be tempted to get them all done right away but you may end up frustrated when you keep getting interrupted by your children. Plan 20-30 minute time blocks for each activity-this will make it seem much more manageable and then if you only get 25 minutes done on the given activity, at least you’ll have accomplished some of it if not all of it and it’ll feel less overwhelming to you. It can look something like this: 8:00-8:30 (laundry) 10:30-11:00 (start lunch/dinner prep-cut up vegetables, etc.)  1:00-1:30 (kitchen clean-up)  2:00-2:30 (phone calls/appointment booking). You can see that planning things this way makes it seem much more manageable, and gives you that flexibility in your day to tend to your children and any other things that come up in your day. It also helps you focus on one thing at a time which makes it easier to get it done quicker. Time blocking can be very effective if used correctly and consistently.
  • Involve your village. I know this one may not be applicable to everyone as some of us live away from family and have limited support. If you are fortunate enough to have some support nearby, tap into it. It’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay to ask for someone to watch your children for some time so you have a solid chunk of time to do what you need to do. It’s ok to send your children with their father/aunt/grandparent to the park while you stay home and get some needed rest or time to yourself to get things done. I know us moms have a hard time asking for help and voicing our needs sometimes but we are 100% deserving to be taken care of and heard.
  • Outsource when possible. This can really make your life easier and I look at it as an investment in my time and health. For example, can you order your groceries online and pick them up or have them delivered to free up some of your time? It might also help to find someone to come and help with housework a couple hours a week. This can go a long way in helping free up some of your time and giving you time to do other things. Are there meal delivery services or catering options to help you avoid hours on meal preparation every day? It may be worth the investment!
  • Don’t let what others are doing make you feel pressured. It’s natural for us to compare ourselves to others. We do it without even being fully aware of it a lot of the time.  We think that so-and-so is able to juggle all aspects of their life so flawlessly so why shouldn’t we be able to? We start to think of ourselves as lagging behind and incapable while so many other mothers are doing it all and then some without struggling. All untrue. No one has it all together. Please please please don’t look at things at face value and make assumptions that everyone has it all together and that you need to be able to do more. This will only set you up for more overwhelm, pressure, disappointment in yourself, and lower self-esteem. You will stress yourself out while trying to do more and it’ll end up making you feel frustrated and potentially resentful when you’re unable to do everything you need/want to do. Take it one day at a time, mama and realise that you’re enough as you are.

I know it’s hard when we feel like we’re drowning in tasks and responsibilities, but a shift in our mindsets and expectations about what’s realistic in this phase of life with young children can really help take some of the pressure off. I’d rather my children not look back and remember me as constantly stressed about the state of the house. They’re children, they don’t understand what we have to do to keep things going and all they’re going to see is a frazzled mom when they don’t understand why. It’s hard to balance giving our kids attention and getting things done because both are important and I’m right there with you with the stress that can creep in. But take it one day at a time, one task at a time and take a deep breath. It’ll all get done eventually. I hope you found these strategies helpful- you’ve got this, mama!

Posted on by — 2 Comments

Thriving in Motherhood

blossoming tulip

I know there are phases in our lives where we are in survival mode. Our main priority is to get through that minute, hour, day, and week while tending to our most basic needs and the needs of those around us. The problem however arises when we feel that that’s all we’ve been doing over a long period of time- barely getting through each day. 

If you’re finding yourself to be constantly running around whether it’s juggling home life, or home life plus working or running your own business or taking care of other family members, along with social commitments and the like, and you feel depleted, sleep-deprived, stressed, and overwhelmed, then perhaps it’s a good time to take a step back. Take a big step… way back. Then go back some more.

How long have you been in this mode, mama? This isn’t meant to shame you or make you feel guilty about your lifestyle- this post is simply intended to bring to your awareness that survival mode isn’t a healthy or pleasant way to live long-term. It’s to remind you that thriving from this incredible journey of motherhood is possible. It can help you grow into the person you want to be. It can help you find your passion. And it can help you prioritize and see the things that matter most in your life. 

If you’re finding that you’ve been in survival mode for way too long, think about what it is that can facilitate a change. Do you need more help from those around you? Do you need to drop a commitment or activity? Do you need to put some boundaries and limit interactions with some people who further deplete you? Do you need to look at your expectations of yourself and whether they’re realistic now or not? Do you remember the last time you did something purely for the sake of taking care of yourself? 

This isn’t to say that you need to be constantly growing and thriving and can’t have those periods in your life where things are understandably difficult and you just need to focus on getting through. This post is looking at the big picture and trying to figure out what areas of your life may need to be revamped in order to help you thrive in the ways you would like to.

We can thrive along this messy, complicated, beautiful, difficult, miraculous journey. We just have to re-evaluate our priorities from time to time and figure out what it is we need to get us there. 

And remember dear mama that your needs don’t always need to be on the back-burner. Your dreams don’t need to be forgotten. Yes, there may be phases where some things need to be on hold, but don’t forget yourself, mama. Taking care of yourself doesn’t mean “me first,” it means “me too.” You are important and worthy and valuable and needed and loved.

It doesn’t always have to be survival mode.

You can thrive mama. 

Posted on by

Transitions in Motherhood

Mom with child walking on dock

Our motherhood journeys are filled with transitions. Some of them are good, and others are more difficult. We go through the transition from being pregnant to recovering and experiencing all the joys and challenges of the postpartum phase. The transition from sleeping well to not sleeping well. The transition from having some time to ourselves to being responsible for another human being 24/7.  We go through transitions with our babies who develop and grow so quickly from tiny babies to little crawlers to toddlers. We transition from only feeding them breastmilk/formula to solids and from swaddles to sleep sacks. We transition them from bassinets or from sleeping next to us to their own cribs/beds. We may go through the transition of being at home with our kids to going back to work or the opposite may happen. Transitions can be difficult to cope with and some transition periods may take longer than others. The important thing to remember is to give yourself some grace and kindness through it all. Change can be difficult, even when it’s a good change.

Tips to Help Cope During Transitions:

Be kind to yourself. Being kind to ourselves and to those around us is key during these transitions. Knowing that it may not always be a smooth ride and that our expectations play a big role in how our experience goes, is so important.

Find a supportive community. During the difficult transitions in my life, I found it immensely helpful to seek out others going through the same thing and talking about it with them. Having a supportive community is so helpful and it can really uplift us when we feel things weighing down heavily upon us. Whether it’s friends or family or even finding a supportive network of other moms online, having support of any kind is beneficial. When I returned to work after my maternity leave, I had a friend of mine add me to a messaging group of other working moms and we all talked about our daily struggles and joys and we shared tips which was such a wonderful and timely support for me.

Give yourself time and permission to feel what you’re feeling. When we’re going through a difficult transition, it can sometimes feel as though these feelings we’re having are going to last forever. We may feel stuck in how we’re experiencing this transition and think that things may not get much better. We may come down hard on ourselves for finding it so difficult when we think that others were able to get though it “just fine.” I’m here to tell you dear mama that your feelings are valid. I’m here to gently remind you that everyone experiences transitions differently but we may think that others are able to get through them just fine however we simply don’t know what they’re feeling or what they’re going through. We sometimes take things at face value and reach conclusions without knowing for sure which in turn can make us feel bad about ourselves because we think others have it all together, yet we’re struggling daily to make it through. There’s nothing wrong with you for finding a particular transition difficult-your feelings are there for a reason. Listen to yourself and give yourself time to process it all.

Envision what things may look like after the difficult transition has passed. This is a very useful technique I sometimes use with my clients (and I use it too!). Let’s say you’re transitioning your child from your room to their own room and you’re having all sorts of nervous, yet excited feelings about it. You’re nervous because you’ve been so used to having them at arm’s reach and being able to check on them frequently throughout the night, yet you’re also excited to have your bedroom back and hopefully get better sleep for the both of you. First off, know that all your feelings are valid. Then take a moment to envision what it may look like when your child has settled nicely into their new environment and you have your privacy back. It may help settle some of the angst you have and help you keep going throughout the transition to think of the end goal and how nice it may be.  

Transitions are difficult and we may not talk about them with each other enough which may make us feel more lonely and isolated in how we’re feeling. You’ll get through it mama, it won’t always be this unsettling or frightening.

Posted on by

Choosing the Right Daycare and Transitioning Your Child

Childen playing on the ground

Choosing the right daycare for your child can be tricky and I know it can already be a time of heightened emotions as you think about leaving your baby in the care of someone else.  Here are some of the things that helped me in choosing the right daycare for my child and I hope they help you too!

  1. Start early– here in Canada our maternity leaves are typically 12-18 months long and I started looking for a daycare when my babies were both around 3 months old. I started doing an online search of all the daycares close to me and I read reviews on each one. Daycares fill up fast so the sooner you start, the more likelihood you’ll find a spot at your preferred daycare.
  2. Make a list of the most important things you want in a daycare.  This will help you decide which daycare to go with at the end-the one that meets most of your criteria. Of course no daycare centre is perfect but when you take time to think about what is most important to you at the daycare where your child will be, it will really help you choose the right daycare that you’re most comfortable with.
  3. Personally visit each daycare centre. Make a list of all the potential daycare centres you are interested in and call each one. Set up appointments to go in and take a look around and meet the staff. This step is huge!
  4. Pay attention to how things run and ask make a list of questions to ask. When you’re visiting the daycare centre, here are some things you may want to pay attention to:
    • Class layout-are there activities/toys that seem in relatively good condition? What kinds of things are available for the children to play with?
    • Daycare’s philosophy: Ask the daycare about their philosophy and if they encourage mostly free unstructured play or if they have planned activities with the children or both.
    • Toys-do they get sanitized/cleaned regularly? Do they rotate the toys? Do the toys appear to be safe for your child’s developmental level?
    • Food- ask to see a menu and ask about portions.
    • If you are still breastfeeding and would like to continue breastfeeding your child while they are at daycare, discuss this with the daycare from the start. Just be prepared that if you do go in at mid-day to breastfeed your child, leaving him/her again might be very difficult- I talk from experience!
    • The caregivers can make or break the class so get to know them and observe their interaction style with the children. Do they seem overwhelmed and easily frustrated by the children? Do they complain about their job to you? Do they seem warm and nurturing?
    • Biting/hitting policy- it’s important to know this ahead of time so you know what to expect in case your child gets hurt or hurts another child.
    • Sick policy-most daycares have a policy regarding when a child has to go home after exhibiting certain symptoms and how long they have to be symptom-free before returning.
    • Does the daycare have more enhanced technology in that they provide parents with pictures/updates throughout the day? Some daycares have Ipads that the staff use to take pictures and email to the parents which most parents find reassuring.
    • Trust your instincts. This is where your child will be spending most of his/her day. If you walk in and you don’t feel welcomed, or if you feel that everyone seems stressed/overwhelmed and that you just don’t have a good vibe, chances are you’re right.

Transitioning Your Child:

  • Go for several visits at different times of the day. When you’ve narrowed your choice down to the daycare you’re most comfortable with, plan to go for visits 1-2 times a week, starting a few weeks before your child is due to start attending regularly. Visiting your chosen daycare at different times of the day is a good strategy-one day plan to go in the morning, another day go closer to lunch time and then go near the end of the day on another visit. This step is really important as it not only helps you see how the centre functions at different times of the day when different things are going on and perhaps different staff are around, but it will also help your child feel more comfortable in this new environment.
  • Transition your child slowly to the new daycare centre. I took my daughter for visits 1-2 times per week starting the month before returning to work so that she could become more comfortable and it really helped her transition. I would stay with her during these visits and then I had her stay by herself two half-days a week, and then two full days the week before returning to work. I wanted to make sure she was comfortable in her new environment and with the staff and that her naps were going well.
  • Engage with the daycare staff in front of your child. This will help your child learn that they are safe people and become more comfortable with them.
  • Provide your chosen daycare centre with important information about your child. This can include their nap-times, how they usually nap, their coping/soothing strategies and coping items, their likes and dislikes, anything that you think will help them know your child more and therefore help them transition as smoothly as possible.

Keep in mind: it will be a difficult transition for both you and your child even if you do all the above or some variance of it. Separation is not easy and it will take time for both of you to get used to it.  Listen to your gut-if something doesn’t feel right, address it.  Also, it helped me to have the realistic expectation that no childcare provider is perfect. Even a child’s own parents will still have their moments where they don’t act/talk in the best manner possible. We can’t expect the people caring for our children to be flawless and be Mary Poppins all day long around our children. Having said that, you should feel comfortable and reassured that you’re leaving your child in good hands.

It may be helpful to reach out to other mothers who are currently in the same boat or have experienced putting their children in daycare before. I had a wonderful friend who gave me a lot of encouragement and reassurance and made the whole transition back to work much easier!

It will always be difficult leaving your child.  I still miss my children everyday when I drop them off but knowing that they’re happy and safe and in a stimulating, engaging and nurturing environment is reassuring!