How I Get Things Done With My Children At Home With Me

I think in a world where there is so much controversy around different parenting styles and opinions, one thing I think most moms would agree on is how difficult it is to get things done at home when your little ones are around, demanding every second of your attention and every bit of energy you have.  As much as we’d like to be present with our children and dedicate our full attention to them, there are things we still have to do on a day-to-day basis to keep the ship afloat.  A lot of these things are also directly related to caring for our children yet the conundrum is that they sometimes don’t give us the opportunity to do what we need to do. You may look at the clock and find it’s already lunch time yet the dishes from the night before are still sitting in the sink, the garbage hasn’t been taken out and it’s over-flowing, the laundry baskets are sitting abandoned in a far away corner (both in your house and in your mind), those appointments you were supposed to make still haven’t been made, you have no idea what to prepare for dinner, and you have little ones pulling at you, wanting you to play with them.  Sound familiar? Or you may be able to get little things done here and there but by the end of the day, you feel as though you accomplished nothing. In reality however, you did accomplish things- you actually did a lot but because it didn’t meet the expectation you had set for yourself that day, it feels as though your to-do list was untouched.

So what can we do? Do we just keep on living in an endless cycle of “too-much-to-do-and-not-enough-time-or-energy-to-do-it?” I wish I had a simple solution that could solve this dilemma for us moms who are just trying to take good care of our children, our homes (and hopefully ourselves too), however we think that either our children are going to be neglected while we do it, or our home and our to-do list will continue to be pushed to the back burner.

I’ve come up with some tips that have personally helped me keep my head above water although just a disclaimer: I have not mastered the art of getting things done with little ones around. I try each day to do what I need to do, but there are days where I go to bed and I would need another 3-4 hours to truly finish what I need to finish for the day. I’m still learning about how to make things work better in this phase of life that I’m currently in and I know that my strategies will need to keep changing to be aligned with the phase and circumstances I’m going through.

• Set realistic expectations. I know there may be eye-rolls with this one but hear me out. I know it can be overwhelming when things get left undone but just remind yourself that you are one human being. You may have multiple children who are all in need of your attention and care and trying to do everything you need/want to do everyday with young children around can be unrealistic.  This may be the most important thing I did for myself when I became a mother-I became kinder to myself and cut myself some slack when things didn’t always go as I had hoped they would and if I go to sleep at the end of the day with my house not looking immaculate, I’m okay with that. My standards have gone down a notch and I’m perfectly okay with it because my house has young children living in it and a mother who is desperately trying to keep up, but has chosen her sanity and well-being over getting it all done. You deserve to cut yourself some slack too and find how you can make your expectations of yourself kinder, more practical, and more realistic.

• Ask yourself: Does this task need to get done today? I know we have tons of things to do each day and so our expectations become that we have to finish everything on that list because it’s ALL essential. Here’s what I’m saying: if it doesn’t get done today, how much will it impact your day tomorrow? Think about what you have going on tomorrow. Is not folding this basket of laundry going to have a significant impact? Obviously you want to get it folded and out of the way rather than let it hang over your head for days on end, but when you’re going through your day and you realize that there just isn’t time to get this task done, can it wait for another day/time? Prioritize what needs to get done today and simplify wherever you can.
• Try to get things done that you can’t do while your kids are awake while they’re napping/having quiet time in their rooms. This is where I get creative and I take a look at what my day entails and I categorize the tasks that I absolutely can’t do when my kids are awake and running around such as mopping the floor or taking a much-needed shower (I don’t like an audience). I try and save one or two tasks like these for when they’re napping and then I use the rest of their nap for rest time for me to keep me going for the rest of the day. Of course if your kids don’t nap at the same time that can pose a problem but it’s easier to get things done even if only one of your children is napping and the other is awake (unless they usually keep each other entertained then try to make their naps at the same time if possible or give one a nap and the other quiet time in their room if it’s safe to do so). The main thing here is that there are some tasks that you can maybe do while your children are awake and playing in the same room as you but other tasks that you can plan to do while they nap/are being watched by someone else.
• Try to involve your children in the tasks. I know this is easier said than done! Cleaning up can be a group effort once you get your children used to it. It may be hard at first, and it also depends on their ages but starting to get them used to helping you clean up early on may save you tons of time (and grief) later on. It also gives them a sense of responsibility to learn to clean up and put their toys away. I try and implement the rule that they can’t move to a new activity until the activity/toy they’re playing with has been put away.
• Set your kids up with an activity-a little bit of set-up can go a long way even if it’s an activity that’ll keep them entertained for 15-20 minutes-you’d be surprised how much you can get done in that time frame! I have a supply of crafts that I keep on hand for these types of moments where I need some time to get something done. I pull out the paint, playdough, sensory bins, construction paper, scissors, crayons, etc. and I let my son get creative.
• Make an investment in your children’s attention/quality time bank. This is something that can actually work and it can make everyone feel better so win-win. Our children love to be around us and love when we give them our undivided attention and especially when we play with them. It can go a long way if you dedicate a good chunk of time (even if it’s just 10-15 minutes) to solely playing with your child or engaging in an activity with them. When I take the time and do this, my children are usually okay to play independently for a little while after I slip away or I sometimes tell them “mommy has to go and finish something but I’ll be back to play some more” and they’re usually much more willing to play and entertain themselves until I get back. Even if your child only starts out by playing independently for 10 minutes-that’s huge in the world of toddlers/young children. It’s something that can keep developing so don’t be disheartened if they only play alone for small periods of time.
• Place your child in their highchair with snacks/toys while you cook/get things done. If your child is young enough, this is a strategy that can help you keep them safe while you get things done. Of course if your child is eating they should always be supervised but at least they’re in one location, you can easily see them, and your arms are free to do stuff and also keeps your children from playing at your feet. This is how I normally cook- I place my daughter in her high chair with some snacks/toys and I keep talking to her/singing to her which keeps her entertained.  
• Time Blocking. This is one my favourite strategies. How it works is that basically when you get up each day, prioritize your top 3-4 tasks that need to get done that day. Of course we all have an endless number of important things to do each day but pick the top 3-4 that really need to get done.  Pick the top tasks and figure out during your day when you’ll be able to dedicate time to each one. You may be tempted to get them all done right away but you may end up frustrated when you keep getting interrupted by your children. Plan 20-30 minute time blocks for each activity-this will make it seem much more manageable and then if you only get 25 minutes done on the given activity, at least you’ll have accomplished some of it if not all of it and it’ll feel less overwhelming to you. It can look something like this: 8:00-8:30 (laundry) 10:30-11:00 (start lunch/dinner prep-cut up vegetables, etc.)  1:00-1:30 (kitchen clean-up)  2:00-2:30 (phone calls/appointment booking). You can see that planning things this way makes it seem much more manageable, and gives you that flexibility in your day to tend to your children and any other things that come up in your day. It also helps you focus on one thing at a time which makes it easier to get it done quicker. Time blocking can be very effective if used correctly and consistently.
• Involve your village. I know this one may not be applicable to everyone as some of us live away from family and have limited support. If you are fortunate enough to have some support nearby, tap into it. It’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay to ask for someone to watch your children for some time so you have a solid chunk of time to do what you need to do. It’s ok to send your children with their father/aunt/grandparent to the park while you stay home and get some needed rest or time to yourself to get things done. I know us moms have a hard time asking for help and voicing our needs sometimes but we are 100% deserving to be taken care of and heard.
• Outsource when possible. This can really make your life easier and I look at it as an investment in my time and health. For example, can you order your groceries online and pick them up or have them delivered to free up some of your time? It might also help to find someone to come and help with housework a couple hours a week. This can go a long way in helping free up some of your time and giving you time to do other things. Are there meal delivery services or catering options to help you avoid hours on meal preparation every day? It may be worth the investment!
• Don’t let what others are doing make you feel pressured. It’s natural for us to compare ourselves to others. We do it without even being fully aware of it a lot of the time.  We think that so-and-so is able to juggle all aspects of their life so flawlessly so why shouldn’t we be able to? We start to think of ourselves as lagging behind and incapable while so many other mothers are doing it all and then some without struggling. All untrue. No one has it all together. Please please please don’t look at things at face value and make assumptions that everyone has it all together and that you need to be able to do more. This will only set you up for more overwhelm, pressure, disappointment in yourself, and lower self-esteem. You will stress yourself out while trying to do more and it’ll end up making you feel frustrated and potentially resentful when you’re unable to do everything you need/want to do. Take it one day at a time, mama and realise that you’re enough as you are.

I know it’s hard when we feel like we’re drowning in tasks and responsibilities, but a shift in our mindsets and expectations about what’s realistic in this phase of life with young children can really help take some of the pressure off. I’d rather my children not look back and remember me as constantly stressed about the state of the house. They’re children, they don’t understand what we have to do to keep things going and all they’re going to see is a frazzled mom when they don’t understand why. It’s hard to balance giving our kids attention and getting things done because both are important and I’m right there with you with the stress that can creep in. But take it one day at a time, one task at a time and take a deep breath. It’ll all get done eventually. I hope you found these strategies helpful- you’ve got this, mama!