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Gift ideas for Children That are Engaging and Children Love

I want to start this blog post by saying that I am not advocating that parents need to buy their children more toys. I am definitely team “less is more” when it comes to toys. I know how it feels as a parent to see the clutter all over our house from toys and parts of toys and trying to keep things organized. This list of gift ideas is simply a guide if you’re looking for a gift for your child for the holidays or for a birthday, or if you’re looking for a gift idea for someone else’s child. These are toys/games that I have found engaging, and children can get a lot of play out of, in addition to fostering creative and imaginative play. I am also a big fan of books and I have tried to steer more towards books as gifts for my children however we do get the odd toy here and there and these have been some of my favourites that I’ve seen or heard of, and toys that we have at home.

Non-Toy Gift Ideas:

If you’re looking for non-toy gift ideas, there are lots of good ideas of gifts that children will love and are more experience-related than something they can hold in their hands and play with. Here are some ideas:

  1. Purchasing a membership to a local museum or play place for the child that they can visit
  2. Signing up the child for a book or activity delivery service that mails them a gift once a month – it’s something nice to look forward to and children usually love receiving mail that is addressed in their name
  3. Getting the child a fun pass or tickets to an upcoming event that they would enjoy
  4. Planning a day out with the child and wrapping up the “activity menu” for the day or giving them choices and having them plan their own day out with you (i.e. movie theatre tickets, a visit to their favourite ice cream shop, a hike, a trip to the library, drinking hot chocolate together at a local coffee shop, etc.)

A Little Note on Choosing Toys

If you are looking for toys, then the thing with toys that we want to watch out for, is will my child play with this toy once and then it’ll go into their toy box forgotten and add to the clutter in our home? Or is this a toy that does the playing and thinking for my child or is it a toy that elicits thinking, creativity and cultivates a skill of some sort for my child?

My favourite type of toys are those that are open-ended and can be played with in several different ways. They are the toys that don’t necessarily have all the flashing lights and sounds (which can be overstimulating for some children and a bit hard to cope with for parents 😊).

Here are some ideas for gifts that accomplish the goals listed above. I have the gifts categorized by very general age ranges- you know your child best and what they like and what would be suitable to play with at their age and developmental level.

*note: these are all affiliate links. Thank you for your support! Click the images below if you’re interested in the item!

Books:

Toys (toddler-preschool age)

Counting Bears set

Duplo

Magnatiles (also suitable for older children)

Melissa and Doug Wooden Building Blocks Set (also suitable for older children)

Slide

Kids’ Play Kitchen

Tunnel

Craft Supplies

Gift ideas for 6-12 year olds:

Trampoline
Beading Set
Camera
Chess Set

Risk Junior Board Game
Catan Board Game
White board
Lego
Space ship set
Activity Book
Space Activity Book
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Activities That Keep My Kids Entertained, and Keep me Sane

Childen playing on the ground

These are my favourite activities to do with my kids- and we’ve been doing them a lot more these days. Just a little disclaimer though- I hesitated before posting this because I never want another mom to see this post and think I have it all together and that my kids don’t have screen time and are easy to entertain. My kids watch tv, we watch family movies together, and I certainly don’t always have it together. These activities are things I use throughout the week and I’ve found them helpful and wanted to help out other moms. We’re all in this together! I have a two-year-old and a four-year-old so most of these activities are things we can all do together given their ages. You may need to adapt them given your children’s ages.

  • Picnic in the living room/basement/patio. I love this one and I’ve used it a few times this year on those rainy days at home -It’s an instant mood booster for my children and it gets them excited. I get them to help me pack our picnic basket. We usually do it in our living room. We lay a plastic table cover underneath us and sit together and eat our lunch. Sometimes to really get us in the zone, I put a youtube video of a nice meadow or nature scenes with nice music in the background- I know it sounds kind of cheesy but it really does give it a picnic feel.
  • Use household items to make crafts. I love this one and I’ve been using it a lot during this past week. Empty paper towel roll? My son uses it to decorate his new telescope. Empty cereal box? We flatten it, open it up, and make it our new city which my son paints, decorates, and builds buildings on using LEGO’s (thank you @busytoddler for this one) Empty egg cartons can be used to make all sorts of crafts too or for sorting activities.
  • Indoor camping. This fits in with my indoor picnic idea. When we get to that point in the afternoon/evening where everyone is having a hard time especially after being indoors for most of the day, I say “who wants to go camping?” My kids right away know to bring pillows and blankets onto the ground near our fireplace and they know I’m grabbing marshmallows from the kitchen. We all sit on the ground, eat marshmallows by the fire and each person takes a turn sharing a story.
  • Scavenger hunt. Nothing like a good scavenger hunt to get children excited. I find it doesn’t even take that much prep work. Pick 5-10 items you can hide around your house (I use snacks too as a bonus incentive and then they can eat them right after- buys me more quiet time and less-asking-for-snacks later). I read the list of items to my kids (they’re 2 and 4 so they need a bit more help with this one) and then off they go. Some of the items I hide include: Mr. Potato-Head, paw patrol toys, picture frames, wooden alphabet letters, legos (find a yellow lego piece), etc.
  • Hide-and-seek. I love this one for several reasons. It gets my kids up and moving, they’re beyond excited throughout it, and I get to do most of it while sitting on the couch. My son usually wants me to be “it” and asks that I count to 30 (or 9 somedays) We usually play it in our basement so I can literally see them the whole time and I don’t have to walk all over the house trying to find them then when I’m done counting I take my time trying to “find” them. They love it, it keeps them entertained, and I get to finish my coffee while it’s hot. Win-win.
  • Keeping a journal. My son’s teacher sent home a blank journal on their last day of school and asked parents to have their children keep a record of what they did during this time at home. I’ve incorporated it into our late afternoon daily routine and my son doesn’t mind it. I ask him to draw (he’s 4 so he can’t really write a whole lot yet) his favourite activity we did that day. I know it’ll be nice to look back on when this is all over and it helps him appreciate the things we did that day.
  • Pull out the craft box. I have a supply of craft items (construction paper, pipe cleaners, paint, crayons, markers, glue, scissors, beads, Pom-poms). Sometimes I find a craft idea online and we do it together and other times it’s just do-whatever-your-imagination-wants type of craft.
  • Play restaurant. Tell your children that you’re visiting their restaurant (they can come up with a name for it too!) and tell them your order. Depending on their age, they can actually make the items or for younger kids, they can make them out of play-doh. I usually order spaghetti and meatballs which are pretty easy for my kids to make out of play-doh. It keeps the kids entertained while you sit at the kitchen table-Another win-win!
  • Obstacle course. Have your child build an obstacle course that their favourite toys/trucks have to get through. You can use legos, pillows, Kleenex boxes, anything really and you’ll be amazed what they come up with.

Having said all of this, just a little reminder mama that if you already have activities that work or if you read some of these ideas and think “my children would never enjoy this” then that’s totally okay too! I never want to post something that puts more pressure on mothers- we have enough to manage already. These are simply activities that have worked for us and have a positive effect on my children and on our overall morale at home.

We’re all in this together.

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To the Mom Who Wants to Take Better Care of Herself, But Can’t Figure Out How

Dear mama, I know you’ve heard the statements “you need to take better care of yourself” or “you need to make time for self-care” and each time you do, you may make a mental note of how you’re going to do this but then the next day rolls around and you find that there just the time, energy, or mental capacity to even know where to start along the path of self-care. Do I start with exercising? Do I start with figuring out what makes me happy and trying to factor it into my day? Do I start with better sleep? Do I start by eating better? I know how daunting it can be and we may end up feeling worse as we look upon the mountains of laundry, dishes, and tasks that revolve around keeping our children healthy, happy, and safe, as well as keeping the ship afloat at home. I personally found after having my second child that I had to work really hard at incorporating self-care into my day. I didn’t realize how much harder it would be once I had two little ones to continue to take good care of myself but I found out the hard way that I either make time for myself, or my body will force me to take the time.

So I get it dear mama. I know you have days where you don’t feel like yourself. I know you look back on yourself ten years ago and you can’t recognize who that person was and what they used to like doing with their time. I know you have passions and things you love to do, but there’s so much on your plate that it can seem like a far-fetched reality to try and engage in those desired activities again. I know you go to bed each night perhaps feeling depleted, exhausted, and not knowing how the day passed. You may feel as though you didn’t get everything done and you realize that yet another day has passed where you remained at the end of your never-ending list of things to tend to. It’s not your fault. It never has been. When I talk about self-care for moms, I’m very careful about how I approach it because I never want a mother to think that it’s her fault that she feels the way she does or that she hasn’t tended to her needs. This isn’t a blaming game- it’s a wake-up call that we all need once in a while to help us do a little shift in our perspectives, priorities, and lifestyles. When I talk about self-care, I try to frame it from the aspect of what does society need to do to enable us to take better care of ourselves? Because let’s face it- all of our responsibilities are here to stay. So how can we incorporate this vital aspect of our lives into our already overflowing schedules?

I’ll tell you what I did. I started small. And by small, I mean 10 minutes. I mean I started becoming more intentional about my day and what I spent my time on. It meant being selective about what I gave my energy to. It meant going to the Doctor to discuss some symptoms I had been having and getting treated for them. It meant setting aside 15 minutes each night before I sleep to drink a cup of tea while reading a good book and telling myself that I was doing this because I deserve to do things that I enjoy in my life and that bring me peace and comfort. It meant that I schedule down time during my day where I don’t feel the need to fill every second of it with some task that needs to be done. It means meeting up with a good friend once in a while. It means going out by myself for 30 minutes and coming back feeling refreshed and rejuvenated even though there is laundry and dishes and cooking and work to get done. It means limiting interactions with others that don’t contribute to my well-being. It means putting my needs first once in a while because when I do that, I’m much more able to tend to the needs of those I love the most.

That is what I did and you know what? It didn’t take as much time as I had made it to be in my mind. In fact, I felt more productive to continue on with my daily responsibilities, and I felt happier, lighter, and more at peace. Do I always get to engage in the self-care that I need to? Nope. But I do make an effort to incorporate at least one thing and to be intentional about it.

Mama, you are so important. Your health and well-being are vital to the health and well-being of your entire family. I know there’s so much to do and not enough time and I know those beautiful children of yours are so dependent on you and take up most of your energy and time. But you are a person too. And a very worthy person. A person who deserves to go about her day at a pace that lets her breathe. A person who deserves rest, love, support, and appreciation.

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To the Mama Trying to Manage Family Life With Work

Balance is a tricky thing and many people have actually stated that there is no such thing as balance. One thing in our lives will always consume more of our time and energy and mental capacity than the other things we have in our lives.

I’ve strived for this notion of family-work balance for years since I went back to work after having my first child four years ago. I tried different processes and tips and tricks to keep my head above water while working full-time. It wasn’t easy to say the least. I always felt like I was dropping the ball in at least one aspect of my life while I tended to the others. The most important part of my life however has been, and always will be, my children.

It was hard to maintain this semblance of family-work balance as it wasn’t easy when one of my children were sick and needed me to stay home with them. I was falling behind at work, having to leave early to take them to appointments or run errands before picking them up as that was the most convenient time I could do my errands while my kids were at daycare. I was one of the only employees at my old workplace who had children and there was always this uneasy feeling I had when I couldn’t be 100% present at work because I had something far more important to occupy my mind and time. I couldn’t stay late and get more work done like others could and I got to the point where I stopped feeling guilty about that. After about four months of going back to work after returning from my maternity leave with my second child, I felt the need to leave my job. It was one of the hardest decisions for me to make as it was a job I loved and I had made friends with wonderful people there. I was so passionate about mental health and leaving that job was a very emotional task for me. But I realized that it wasn’t sustainable in the long run to continue working in such a demanding job with two young children who needed so much of me.

I started a new job in my field and it has helped me in getting closer to that family-work balance point. It’s still very busy but it’s definitely less intense and I’m able to keep my head above water more.

I’m sharing my working mom journey with you because I know how difficult it can be dear mama. When your kids reach out to you in the morning and tell you they want to stay with you and you pry yourself away with tears in your eyes, feeling guilt like no other for the rest of the day. I know how it is when you feel that you’re lagging behind others at work because you’ve had to leave early or come in late or miss several days at work because your babies needed you. I know how it is when you have responsibilities piling up and by the time you get to the weekend, there’s barely time to relax and spend time with your children because other things need your attention too. It’s so difficult when your to-do list is growing and you feel that there aren’t enough hours in the day. It’s an almost impossible juggling act that can take a toll mentally, emotionally, and physically.

I get it. And I know how hard you’re trying.
So don’t feel bad if you still haven’t reached that magical (possibly hypothetical) balance.

Take a deep breath, focus on your priorities and realize that you are an amazing mother who is loved and appreciated 

💕
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Making Before and After School a Smoother Time

It’s the third week of school already! I’ve definitely learned a few things over the past three weeks that have helped make our mornings before school and our afternoons after pick-up from school smoother for everyone. My son started junior kindergarten this year and we’ve made it through the transition and now we’re working on developing a good morning and after-school routine.

So what does our routine look like?

Prepare the night before. There are the obvious things I do the night before to make our mornings smoother such as prepare his lunch, his backpack, and clothes. It makes things much less stressful in the morning.

Try to start your day earlier to avoid the stress of rushing. In the morning, I try to get an early start for the day to give us time to deal anything that may come up and just to give us enough time to get ready without the stress of rushing. Even fifteen minutes earlier can make a difference.

Validate, and don’t dismiss feelings when they’re expressed. My son today told me he doesn’t want to go to school. I asked him why and he said he was scared. I sat beside him and asked him more questions about how and what he was feeling. I gave him time to talk about it and validated his feelings and helped him settle some of his fears and problem-solve around them. It’s important to give some time to settle your children’s fears when they voice them but I know it can be stressful when you’re rushing to get everyone ready and out of the house. A few minutes can go a long way though- it makes me think of how nice it is when as adults we’re struggling with something and someone takes the time to listen to us- just that in and of itself and can help us feel better.

Use a visual timer. I don’t know about your kids but my son likes to take his time getting dressed and we try to foster some independence in this area and get him to do as much as possible but we obviously step in and help when needed. It’s usually a very long, slow process though to get him to agree to get dressed for school so I started using a visual timer for my son to see how much time we have for this. He’s actually responded well to it and tries to beat the timer which has saved me a lot of nagging in the morning. A friend of mine uses the timer on her phone which works well too!

Now for after-school:

Food. Always have food on hand. When I go to pick up my son, I pack a couple snacks for him to eat on the way home as he’s usually starving! He’ll sometimes finish some items from his lunch but I also bring a back-up in case he has nothing left. I try not to let him snack too much as we have dinner a little while after we get home but I give him enough to avoid the hangriness and the ride home is usually much smoother and happier for everyone.

Give them time to unwind. The drive home is typically quiet as my son is usually busy munching on his snacks and I ‘d rather give him some time to unwind after a long day before chatting to him all the way home about his day. After we get home, we wash up and change and then I tell my son to go rest on the couch for a bit (if I can’t do that, someone else might as well do it) or play until I empty out his lunch box and backpack. He usually asks for the TV right when we get home but I try to delay it a bit until he’s rested and had some quiet time after a loud, busy day at school.  I’ll then come and talk to him a bit about how his day went then I’ll turn the TV on while I’m preparing dinner.

Expect that meltdowns and tantrums may happen. Learning about the concept of “after-school restraint collapse” has been super helpful in getting me to understand my son and why he has meltdowns sometimes after school and how to respond to them. He’s not doing it to make my life harder- he’s genuinely struggling after a long day of trying to keep it together and now he feels safe to let all his feelings out. Perhaps he got in trouble for something he didn’t do or a friend stopped playing with him or got called a name by someone in his class. Our children don’t always tell us everything they’ve experienced and may just respond with “good” when we ask them about their day. They may have experienced so many difficult emotions and not had the opportunity to process them so they save that for home. It’s important to empathize and give them their space and not to take it personally- they need a safe, compassionate person to help them through it (You!)

I hope everyone’s back-to-school transition has gone smoothly and that everyone is adjusting well! If not, don’t let it bring you down as it is common for the transition to take time. I’m still trying to get things in order as there are days where we definitely don’t have it all together. It’ll take time and we’ll all get there eventually.

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Preparing Your Child for Kindergarten

boy colouring

 I’ve been thinking so much about my son’s journey of formal education starting this September and along with trying to keep my emotions in check, I’ve been trying to prepare him for kindergarten. My son has been going to daycare/preschool for the past couple of years now since I returned to work after my maternity leave. He’s used to the structure of a classroom and a routine which I know will be helpful. He has adjusted to being in a class with other children and 1-2 educators and having to wait his turn and share toys/activities. He has learned some very important skills which I know will serve him well as he enters school. His preschool has been primarily play-based so he’s had pretty much full days of unstructured play time which is great for children’s development and nurturing of social skills.

I’ve been talking to some of my teacher friends and trying to understand more about what kindergarten will look like. I think one of the biggest changes for my son will be that he will no longer have the opportunity to nap as he is still taking a mid-day nap at this point. The other thing he will have to adjust to is a brand new school with new staff and new children. My son has a difficult time with transitions but I’ll discuss below some of my strategies to help this transition be a smooth one.

I hope you find some of these strategies helpful in preparing your child for school and some tips on drop-off and pick up.

  1. Talk to your child about it.  Talking to children about the transition coming up ahead can be really helpful and choosing the right approach is key. Talking about all the exciting things they will get to learn and explore at school and trying to associate school with positive things will help. Walking them through what a typical school day will look like for them can help settle some of their fears as unpredictability and unfamiliarity are hard things for children to cope with.
  2. Read books about starting school with your child. I’ve invested in a couple books about starting school and I’ve been reading them with my son. Stories are such a powerful way to help make concepts easier to understand for children. We have a Daniel Tiger one that my son loves. I use stories for pretty much every transition my son has had to cope with (potty training, a new sibling, sleeping in a big bed, etc.)
  3. Validate their feelings. My son told me the other day that he was scared to go to “big boy school.” I validated his feelings and told him that it’s okay to feel frightened about going to a new school. I told him that we would help him through it and that one day it won’t feel as scary anymore.
  4. Take them to visit their new school. Although schools are closed during the summer, you can still drive by the school and show it to your child and show them the playground and get them excited about it. It’s much easier than showing up on the first day to a place they’ve never seen before or have only visited once. Most schools also have tours that you can go on-ask your child’s school if they can come for a tour of the school and their class.
  5. Teach your child how to do things on their own. In kindergarten, there are many children in the class and often times only 1-2 educators. I’ve been working on helping my son become more independent with dressing/undressing, opening containers and toileting as these are things he’ll be typically expected to do on his own.
  6. Get your child involved in picking out school supplies. This can really get them excited about it and reduce some of their anxiety about going to school.
  7. Keepsake. Get them a little keepsake they can keep with them and give it to them on their first day. It can be something very small that they can keep in their pocket which they can hold whenever they feel lonely or scared.
  8. Drop off tip: At drop-off, instead of focusing on the separation, focus on what’ll happen when you pick them up. Tell them you’ll go home and have a nice treat together or play a favourite game of theirs. Having a snack in the car for the way home can be really helpful as children are usually hungry and tired after a long day and it can help to prevent meltdowns until dinner is ready.
  9. After school tip: Give them time and space to unwind after a long day. We all love this as adults, and children do as well. Sometimes children just need to sit down in their familiar home environment and play with a familiar toy or read a book they like as a way to decompress after a long, emotional day. Try not to bombard them with questions on how their day went right away. Give them time to process and relax and then through play, you’ll find that they’ll be more willing to share about their day.

You’ve got this mama, and so does your child.

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Coping with Postpartum Anxiety

Nearly all mothers experience some anxiety after having their baby. Post-partum anxiety can greatly impact a mother’s well-being and functioning for quite some time after having her baby. There are many factors that can contribute to a mother feeling anxious such as changes in hormone levels after birth, a difficult and painful birth and recovery, a lack of support, sleep-deprivation, feeling overwhelmed with the demands of caring for a baby, among others.

There are some common signs that a mother is experiencing postpartum anxiety. Among these signs are:

  1. Obsessive worry over your baby
  2. Constant worry that you’ll hurt your child or drop them and the need to constantly check on your baby
  3. Irritability and agitation
  4. Difficulty with sleeping and eating

Anxiety isn’t always a bad thing. Anxiety is that feeling that tells us something isn’t right and that we need to intervene. It’s only when the anxiety is constant and interferes with our daily functioning that we need to do something about it. The good news is that there are ways to cope with anxiety in an effort to reduce its impact on our lives and our well-being. It is possible to get your anxiety under control, dear mama. The anxiety you feel does not define you- it is something you experience that can be managed.

Talk to someone about it. It is so important that mothers talk to someone about their anxiety and reach out for help-although this may be very difficult. Many people are reluctant to disclose that they are struggling, especially new moms when they are expected to be enjoying every minute of their new chapter as mothers (news flash: you don’t have to enjoy every minute in order to be a good mother). Finding someone who is trustworthy and nonjudgmental to speak to can really help. Speaking to a mental health professional is very important as they can help find ways that are specific to the mother’s condition that can help her cope better in her everyday life.

Deep breathing. We sometimes underestimate the impact deep breathing can have on our well-being. I tell my patients that we can’t be relaxed and anxious at the same time. The more we strengthen the relaxation response, the less the anxiety will have power over us. Taking slow deep breaths (breathe in for four seconds, hold the breath for four seconds and breathe out while counting to 8 seconds) can be very therapeutic. It may take time to start seeing the effect but like anything, the more you practice something, the better it will be.  When you feel the anxiety is really affecting you, try to find a calm place and take some slow deep breaths and tell yourself while doing it “I’m okay.” Which brings me to my next point.

Cognitive reframing. A lot of the time, our anxiety spikes up because we’ve had a thought- a negative thought about something bad that is going to happen or something coming up that we’re worried about. Or our children do something that puts us on edge and makes our anxiety worse. We may look around the house and find it cluttered, or our children spill something, or our children are crying and having meltdowns in public-all of which many mothers say make their anxiety worse. One of the important things we can do for ourselves at that moment is to take a minute to be aware of our thoughts and what they’re telling us. Thoughts such as “everyone is going to think I’m a bad mother” or “I’ll never sleep well again” can really be a factor in our anxiety worsening. Try to become more self aware of the thoughts spiraling in your mind and try to challenge them or reframe them. When we tell ourselves a negative story and we believe it, our anxiety and our mood will worsen versus when we try to tell ourselves a different story. This isn’t to say we don’t think realistically- things may be very difficult for you and it’s important to validate that. What we want to avoid however is catastrophizing and cause our thoughts to go out of control in a spiral of negativity. This is very hard work to do and it helps to do it with a mental health professional who can walk you through it. The more we recognize the impact of our thoughts on our well-being, the more we’ll be able to control and reframe them.

Journaling. Journaling can really help us become more aware of our thoughts and how they impact us. Sometimes we don’t even know how to go about in starting to journal. However once we get into the habit of writing our thoughts out, it’ll start to flow more naturally and it can really help us reframe and cope with our anxious thoughts.

Mindfulness. There is so much research out there on the positive effects of mindfulness. Mindfulness helps connect us to the present moment which is important when we’re anxious as our anxiety is usually tied to things that are in the future. There are many apps nowadays that we can install on our phones that provide meditation programs that can really help calm our minds. Even taking 10-15 minutes a day to practice mindfulness can really help in several aspects of our lives. Mindfulness can help relieve stress, improve sleep, reduce chronic pain and improve our overall mental well-being.

Take care of yourself. The more burnt out we are, the easier it’ll be for our anxiety and our moods to worsen and impact us. I know this is easier said than done, believe me, I know. I realized however along my motherhood journey that the more I put my needs last, the less I’d be able to care for those around me. When I make my health and well-being high up on my priority list, everyone wins. And the same goes for you, mama. Maybe it’ll take a conversation with your partner to figure out how he can support you so you can have more time to care for yourself whether that’s time to yourself each day, or an opportunity to go to some wellness appointments (i.e. massage, physiotherapy) to look after yourself, etc. You’re worthy of being cared for too, mama and no one will force you to take care of yourself-you need to advocate for yourself. If you’re struggling with anxiety, this becomes even more important.

Medications. Medications can be helpful to manage anxiety, in addition to incorporating all the strategies listed above. Talk to your doctor to find what will work best for you.

You don’t need to continue to struggle like this, mama. Anxiety is treatable, don’t lose hope. Things can get better for you.

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To the Mother whose Maternity Leave is Ending Soon

mother kissing baby

I feel you dear mama as the clock is ticking and the time between now and your return to work is getting shorter. When you can’t imagine spending so many hours away from your baby because you’ve been attached at the hip since birth. I feel you and the tremendous guilt that is front and centre in your mind and in your heart. The thought of someone else taking care of your body and meeting his/her needs while you’re away which has been nagging at you and it has taken everything within you not to go back on your decision to return to work.  

I know how hard it is imagining that someone else will be putting your baby down for their nap, and someone else will get to look at their adorable face as they wake up. I know how hard it can be to imagine that someone else will be feeding, changing, and playing with your baby. I know you love your child more than anything and that your decision to go back to work is one of the hardest decisions you’ve ever had to make. I know you’re taking as many pictures as you can so you can look at them when you’re at work, when your heart is longing to see your precious one.  I know your eyes will well up when colleagues ask you how your baby is doing and you’ll choke back tears as you talk about them and how amazing they are. I know that the best part of your day will be the minute you walk in and see their eyes light up at seeing you and you embrace them so tightly and never want to let them go.

I know you try to think of all the perks you may enjoy while at work as a way to comfort yourself when you feel down. Perks such as eating your lunch uninterrupted, having adult interaction, and perhaps drinking your coffee or tea while it’s still warm.  I know you may start to feel mom-guilt for thinking about these perks and how you may enjoy some of the time that you’re away from your child.

I know your maternity leave feels like it flew by and you wish you could pause time for a bit. I’m feeling that now as the weeks, days, and minutes seem to fly by as my maternity leave is coming to an end. I look back on this past year and I can’t believe where the time has gone. Of course during the beginning of my maternity leave when I was in the thick of it (aka newborn trenches, aka not sleeping more than 2-3 hours a night), the days felt like they were dragging on and some days I wished time would go faster to the point where my daughter would sleep better and I could have some time for myself instead of being on nursing duty 24/7. Now I wish time would slow down-way down.

I know it’s hard and a mother’s decisions are never easy. Our societies expect mothers to work as if they don’t have children and finding flexible, understanding workplaces is a rarity. I know you’re worried about how you’ll manage it all and find that “balance.” I know you’re going to be giving all your energy to your work and you may feel the guilt again when you get home and you feel drained and wish you had more energy to give your child.  I know that this balancing act is hard and some things have to give for other things to happen.

But guess what? Although the first little while of adjusting to this new routine will be difficult for you and your family, it will get better. You’ll always miss your baby and you’ll always spend every free minute looking at their pictures, but once you get into a good rhythm and find ways to cope and keep the ship afloat, you’ll realize that initial gut-wrenching pain of being away from your baby will become less and less. The time you spend together will be much more special and you’ll find your new normal. You’ll be amazed at all the interesting things your child is learning and you’ll feel so proud of this little baby that is growing and developing and having fun.

It’s hard and I know you wonder if you’re doing the right thing. I’m right there with you. We’ll all come out on the other side. One day at a time.

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One of the Most Important Things I’ve Done Since Becoming a Mother

Managing our expectations and keeping them realistic is essential to our mental health, our self-esteem, and our overall well-being. Managing my expectations of myself, my parenting, and my children has been one of the most important things I’ve done since becoming a mother. This didn’t happen overnight for me- it took a long time to get to a place where I’m okay with things not always going smoothly or if my house isn’t in the best state or if my children don’t always act the way I want them to.

When I first became a mom almost four years ago, I’d be mortified if my son started acting up in public. I’d think that everyone would be judging me for being a bad mother who couldn’t control her child’s behaviour and the negative tape would start playing. Since I’ve started setting realistic expectations for my children’s behaviour, I’m much more relaxed now (although it’s still a work in progress). For example, I went to a stars and strollers show at the movie theatre (it’s a show dedicated for moms who want to bring their babies to a movie and they keep the lights on and lower the volume and have changing tables around etc.) I called up a friend and we took our babies. Before going, I had set my expectations really low and told myself that if my daughter only let me watch 30 mins of a 2-hour movie, I’d be happy! My daughter gave me 30 mins of peace and quiet and happily sat on my lap and ate her snacks. She then became restless (rightfully so- she’s only 13 months!) so she started crawling around everywhere, cried at some points, climbed up and down the stairs, tried to eat stuff off the ground, etc.) We didn’t make it to the end of the movie which I was fine with. I chose to focus on the good aspects of our outing and the time she did let me enjoy rather than focus on the frustrating and exhausting moments. I knew from the outset that it wasn’t going to be a smooth outing yet it wasn’t all bad and it went almost better than I expected.  Having realistic expectations of my daughter really helped.

Having reaIistic expectations of yourself is also so important. I hear a lot of mothers saying they wish they had more time and energy to cook more homemade meals, maintain a clean and organized home, take their children to more playgroups/activities, plan outings with their friends and resume some sort of a social life, carve out time to work out, among a multitude of other things. Yes it’s good to aspire to do better, but the problem becomes when these aspirations dampen our spirits, make us feel that these goals are unattainable and therefore we’re failing somehow, and make us feel that we’re not doing this whole motherhood thing right. None of these things are actually true. When we become mothers, are bodies and minds are consumed with caring for our children and we expect so much more of ourselves when caring for children is a full-time 24-hour/day job in and of itself.

Take a moment and look at your life and all your responsibilities and commitments and marvel at how well you’ve been doing this far. You do laundry once a week? Great. You cook one meal a week? Awesome. You did something for yourself this week? Fabulous. You survived an outing with your children and everyone came back home safely and somewhat happy? Marvelous.

You may see other moms who seem to be juggling more than you but please for your sake, your family’s sake and your sanity’s sake, don’t compare yourself to others. We are all so different in terms of our bodies, our capabilities, our support systems, our family dynamics, etc. No one has it all together, no one.

I know it’s hard to redefine our expectations when we’re used to a particular standard but here are some tips that I have found helpful:

Prioritize. Before going to sleep at night, make a list of the top 5 things that need to be done the next day. Factor in all appointments/meetings and figure out what tasks need to be done before/after. This will help keep you organized and it may reduce your stress from all the other things that you feel you need to do, but don’t have enough time for.

Done list. At the end of the day, make a mental note- or even better write it out – of all the things you did accomplish that day-even the smallest of tasks. This can make us feel so productive and accomplished and it’ll show you that you’re probably doing more than you think you are.

Positive Affirmations. Positive affirmations are this treasure that not very many people know about, yet has substantial benefits on our mindset and our well-being. Imagine if you told yourself throughout the day “I’m doing the best I can,”  “my children love me’ “I am a good mother.”  There are so many affirmations that can really help you change your mindset and help with making more realistic expectations. I like telling myself before an outing with my kids “it may not go smoothly or as well as I’d like, but that’s ok. I’m not a bad mother if my children act out or don’t listen to me. Worst case scenario, we’ll just come back home.” This really helps me instead of expecting that things “should” go smoothly and that everyone will be on their best behaviour and listen to me. The latter expectation will only set me up for more frustration.

You’re doing a great job. You have so much potential to do the things you want and need to do but give yourself some grace if you can’t do it all at once.

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Let’s Talk About the Postpartum Experience

baby laying on bed

There’s so much emphasis on pregnancy, labour, and childbirth but I’ve noticed that the postpartum experience of a mother isn’t given as much attention as it deserves. Regardless of how many times you’ve already experienced it, each postpartum experience can be different and comes with unique struggles and joys. After enduring labour pains, childbirth and then experiencing all the emotional highs of meeting your precious baby, the postpartum period can be quite challenging on so many levels.

I recently took a training course on postpartum recoveries and practices in different cultures and I was astounded to learn how mothers are treated in different parts of the world. In Morocco for example, the mother is held in such high stature and is tended to for at least 40 days by family and friends. There are beautiful traditions that take place in this culture and in many others where the mother is enveloped in support by those around her and all that is required of her is to rest, take care of herself, and her child. According to studies done, the incidences of postpartum mood and anxiety disorders in these cultures is noticeably less. 

I find here in North America the postpartum experience is generally quite different. Mothers may be living away from family or they may be living near family but their families are unable to support them as much as is needed. Mothers may end up feeling alone, isolated, burnt out, and ultimately, depressive symptoms start to arise along with heightened anxiety, among other mental health challenges.

The supportive village that is so essential to mothers’ emotional, physical, and mental wellbeing is unfortunately not the norm.   Mothers are having to juggle housework, school/daycare drop-offs and pick-ups (for those with multiple children) as well as keeping up with so many other demands. This is all being done while the mother is simultaneously trying to take care of a newborn baby with needs around the clock, as well as trying to heal herself and recover from such a remarkable experience.  She may find that hours have gone by without a sip of water or a bite to eat as she’s trying to manage the demands of her new life and trying to adjust and find some semblance of a functional routine.  

The postpartum experience can be even more challenging when a mother receives negative comments or unsolicited advice that may leave her feeling less confident, more guilty, and less equipped to care for her baby. We need to encourage and empower mothers to seek help when they need it, and to also trust their intuition. When offering a mother advice, it should be done with kindness, compassion, and letting her know that she should decide what is best for her baby.

Many mothers I’ve spoken to discuss how lonely they feel and that they struggle along their motherhood journeys and these feelings are further perpetuated by society’s expectations to bounce back and manage everything all on their own. This isn’t even mentioning the difficulties some mothers experience with returning to work so soon after the birth of their baby (in some countries, maternity leaves are only 45 days- I’ll be dedicating an entire post to this so stay tuned).

There’s a lot of emphasis on baby’s health and how baby is doing which is of course essential, however do we look as closely to the mother’s health and well-being? Many women are not screened for mental health challenges at their 6-week check-ups and they are sometimes too afraid or embarrassed to open up about how they are feeling to others. What could we be doing better as a society to help support, empower, and encourage mothers during such a pivotal time of their lives?