Category: Parenting

Posted on by — 1 Comment

Gift ideas for Children That are Engaging and Children Love

I want to start this blog post by saying that I am not advocating that parents need to buy their children more toys. I am definitely team “less is more” when it comes to toys. I know how it feels as a parent to see the clutter all over our house from toys and parts of toys and trying to keep things organized. This list of gift ideas is simply a guide if you’re looking for a gift for your child for the holidays or for a birthday, or if you’re looking for a gift idea for someone else’s child. These are toys/games that I have found engaging, and children can get a lot of play out of, in addition to fostering creative and imaginative play. I am also a big fan of books and I have tried to steer more towards books as gifts for my children however we do get the odd toy here and there and these have been some of my favourites that I’ve seen or heard of, and toys that we have at home.

Non-Toy Gift Ideas:

If you’re looking for non-toy gift ideas, there are lots of good ideas of gifts that children will love and are more experience-related than something they can hold in their hands and play with. Here are some ideas:

  1. Purchasing a membership to a local museum or play place for the child that they can visit
  2. Signing up the child for a book or activity delivery service that mails them a gift once a month – it’s something nice to look forward to and children usually love receiving mail that is addressed in their name
  3. Getting the child a fun pass or tickets to an upcoming event that they would enjoy
  4. Planning a day out with the child and wrapping up the “activity menu” for the day or giving them choices and having them plan their own day out with you (i.e. movie theatre tickets, a visit to their favourite ice cream shop, a hike, a trip to the library, drinking hot chocolate together at a local coffee shop, etc.)

A Little Note on Choosing Toys

If you are looking for toys, then the thing with toys that we want to watch out for, is will my child play with this toy once and then it’ll go into their toy box forgotten and add to the clutter in our home? Or is this a toy that does the playing and thinking for my child or is it a toy that elicits thinking, creativity and cultivates a skill of some sort for my child?

My favourite type of toys are those that are open-ended and can be played with in several different ways. They are the toys that don’t necessarily have all the flashing lights and sounds (which can be overstimulating for some children and a bit hard to cope with for parents 😊).

Here are some ideas for gifts that accomplish the goals listed above. I have the gifts categorized by very general age ranges- you know your child best and what they like and what would be suitable to play with at their age and developmental level.

*note: these are all affiliate links. Thank you for your support! Click the images below if you’re interested in the item!

Books:

Toys (toddler-preschool age)

Counting Bears set

Duplo

Magnatiles (also suitable for older children)

Melissa and Doug Wooden Building Blocks Set (also suitable for older children)

Slide

Kids’ Play Kitchen

Tunnel

Craft Supplies

Gift ideas for 6-12 year olds:

Trampoline
Beading Set
Camera
Chess Set

Risk Junior Board Game
Catan Board Game
White board
Lego
Space ship set
Activity Book
Space Activity Book
Posted on by

Preparing our Children for Back-to-School (In Person and Virtual Learning)

back to school chalkboard

The topic that has been on every parent’s mind- do we send our children back to school or keep them home? For some parents the decision was already made by their school district which mandated virtual learning from the get-go, while for others, the decision weighted heavily on parents’ hearts and minds.

Regardless of the decision you made dear mama, you made the decision you needed to make for your family.  As we prepare our children for how this school year will look like, I know many parents are feeling the heaviness of this new way of life that has been thrust upon us all.

Having worked with children in schools, and having my own kids, I’ve been thinking of all parents who are trying to prepare their children whether it’s for in-person schooling or virtual schooling.  I devised some tips that may help you prepare your child for what this school year will look like.

  1. Talk to your child about how things will look like when school begins.

Sounds simple. However sometimes we aren’t sure how to start a conversation with our children or we’re so overwhelmed ourselves. It helps as school approaches and as you find out more from your school district what the safety measures within the school will be to discuss these with your child. Discuss with them the importance of looking after themselves, being mindful of others and their personal space, hand hygiene, masks, and try to explain in appropriate terms the reasoning behind these safety measures. Ask them if they have any questions. Our children have been out of school for months and it’s important we explore the thoughts they may have or worries regarding returning to school.

2. Social Stories

Social stories can really help children understand a concept or challenge that they’re experiencing. You can even have your child draw the pictures that go along with the story. The story can be how your child’s first day of school will go (i.e. wake up, brush teeth, get dressed, have breakfast, go to school, finding that things are different than usual, everyone wearing masks, etc.)

3. Get them involved.

Children love to be helpful and to be involved, especially when it comes to new school supplies. Have your child pick some of their school supplies, including their masks or at least have them involved in opening the packaging and organizing their supplies. Let your child pack their backpack with everything they’ll need (i.e. extra clothes for the little ones, extra masks, school supplies, indoor shoes, etc.). Making a checklist together that can be posted near the door can be a helpful way of getting them involved and also remembering all the items they’ll need to have each day as they head off to school.

4. Drive by their school

If your child is starting at a new school or starting kindergarten, it helps to take them for a drive to their school and show them the yard and familiarize them with where everything is. Even if your child isn’t starting at a new school, they’ve been away from their school for over five months and the anxiety of returning can be reduced by taking them to visit their school before the first day. Show your child where they will likely line up and where parents have to stand as some schools don’t permit parents to enter the school gates or school yard. Practice how drop-off will go and answer any questions they may have.

5. Ask them what they’re most excited about

In the midst of preparing our children for all the new measures they’ll find at school and that they’ll have to follow, it helps to have them think of the positives that they’re looking forward to at school. Try to end discussions around school on a positive note (i.e. what subject are you most looking forward to? What game are you looking forward to playing with your friends at recess? Who are you most excited to see at school?”)

6. Practice coping strategies they can use when feeling sad or overwhelmed at school.

Coping strategies like deep breathing, muscle relaxation and asking for a break when they need one are all important and can help your child feel better when things are difficult at school Some children also find comfort in taking a small item from home that they can keep in their pockets to touch whenever they feel overwhelmed.

Virtual learning preparedness

Talk to your child about how your day will typically look. After spending the past two months of summer break, children need a refresher for what virtual learning will look like. Let them ask questions and give suggestions on what they want the day to look like.

Visual schedule. Visual schedules can be really helpful to remind our children of the events of the day. Children love predictability and thrive off of routine. It should be flexible enough that things can be shuffled around if needed but it helps to post it in an accessible place in the home where your child can see it. It can also help to have your child involved in making the visual schedule.

Designate a place where learning will take place. Have your child design their name plate/place mat where they’ll be sitting for some of their learning. Learning can take place in various places around the home but it helps to have a designated table/desk where they can do some of their work and they know that it is their special spot.

Incorporate movement breaks. Breaks where children have to engage in some form of heavy work (i.e pulling or pushing something against their body’s resistance) can be very helpful in regulating our children. Things such as vacuuming, moving furniture, pulling laundry out of machines, mixing ingredients while cooking/baking, scrubbing tasks, etc.) can be helpful or you can ask them to do some jumping jacks, go outside for a quick walk/run around your home or in the yard.

Don’t compare your virtual learning journey with your child to others’ virtual learning journeys. I know this one is tough with so many online resources and ideas that pop up on our feeds and they are great for inspiration and to provide us with ideas when we’re stuck. However, there is a fine line between inspiration and comparison. If you feel yourself starting to compare your child or your abilities to others’ it helps to take a step back and perhaps avoid social media for a few days and focus on your child and how you’re going about things.

Will everyday go smoothly and end with everyone having a smile on their face? I’d love to believe so but given the reality we’re all in, I think it’s safe to assume that there will be bumps along the way. We will all get through it and our children will learn what they need to know. I think one of the most important things we can do is to keep pouring compassion and empathy onto ourselves and our children as we navigate this new experience we’ve all been faced with. Remember, our children look to us when formulating their ideas and attitudes about something. If we’re unsettled, chances are they will also become unsettled. If they hear us talking about school in a positive manner, they will likely associate it with something positive. It’s normal to feel uneasy about this school year, but let’s try to help our children see the positive aspects they’ll get to experience as well. We can help set the tone for our children and we can help them feel comforted and reassured- which is probably the most important kind of preparation we can do.

Posted on by

Coping with Emotional Exhaustion

Woman on beach

It makes sense that so many mothers are experiencing emotional exhaustion or burnout. The last few months have pushed many mothers to their limits with added responsibilities and stress. The mental and emotional load has been relentless as we tend to everything and everyone at home. Many mothers are feeling depleted and are experiencing difficulty with the day-to-day demands of motherhood, along with meeting their own needs as they meet everyone else’s.

We’re human and it’s normal to feel increasingly frustrated and exhausted with the ongoing demands of our children, our homes, and for many of us, work on top of that. Not to mention health challenges many mothers may be experiencing, and the overall stress of being in the midst of a pandemic, and all the unknowns associated with it.

So how do we keep going amidst all of this when we feel so emotionally exhausted?

  • The power of our thoughts. What have your thoughts been mostly centered around? That can give you a good indication as to what is distressing you the most. Is it a scenario that hasn’t happened yet? Something from your past you’re thinking about? Thoughts of self-doubt? Thoughts about comparing yourself to others? It’s hard work and quite a process to examine and change our thoughts but it definitely is needed to help change how we’re feeling. Remember, our thoughts are not facts. But they can certainly become beliefs if we don’t examine and challenge them.

  • Examine what is contributing to your daily emotional exhaustion. Write it out if you have to. Make a list of everything you’re trying to tend to currently. Some things we can limit from our lives, postpone, or remove altogether. Some responsibilities however, we cannot let go of so it helps to know what we can do without for now. If you feel guilty about letting something go for now, keep reminding yourself that your health and well-being are the priority now and that everything else can wait. I’ve learned the hard way that if we keep pushing through despite our exhaustion, our bodies will force us to rest.
  • Sleep. I can’t emphasize the importance of good sleep on our emotional well-being. But I know as mothers, this isn’t in our control when we have little ones sometimes needing us throughout the night. But trying to sleep earlier to increase our overall nighttime sleep is so important, despite how tempting it is to stay up and binge-watch our favourite shows with all the snacks. Try sleeping 15 minutes earlier each night and practice some meditation or deep breathing before sleep. Another important tip is to try and reduce screentime right before bed if possible.
  • Voice your needs. Is there anyone around that can help lift the load off of you, even if it’s just for a bit as you regain your composure? Your health matters too mama and if there are others that can help you out, now is the time to let them in.
  • Time for yourself. I know this may seem like a far-fetched reality for many mothers out there who don’t have the proper support system needed to enable them to carve out time for themselves so they can recharge. It’s so important for mothers to have some time to themselves where they have no demands placed on them, where they can hear themselves think, where they don’t have to supervise anyone or tend to anyone else but themselves. I know we’re stretched too thin right now but it has never been more important to have some time to rejuvenate and feel like yourself. Start with short periods of time if this is all that is feasible now-even 20 minutes at a time of rest, a walk outside alone, reading a book on your deck/balcony, calling a friend without any interruptions- small steps are the way to start.
  • Nature. The benefits of spending time in nature on our well-being are manifold. If you have a nearby park or your backyard even, try to step outside and take deep breaths and look up at the sky. Sit on the ground, feel the earth beneath you, and repeat calming affirmations to yourself such as “I’ll be okay” or “how I’m feeling now is temporary.”

Your health and well-being matter, mama. There’s only so much you can handle before it really takes a toll on you. Listen to your body, and your needs and remember how important you are to your family.

This is intended for educational purposes only- please seek professional support for ongoing difficulties.

Posted on by — 2 Comments

How I Get Things Done With My Children At Home With Me

Child playing with books

I think in a world where there is so much controversy around different parenting styles and opinions, one thing I think most moms would agree on is how difficult it is to get things done at home when your little ones are around, demanding every second of your attention and every bit of energy you have.  As much as we’d like to be present with our children and dedicate our full attention to them, there are things we still have to do on a day-to-day basis to keep the ship afloat.  A lot of these things are also directly related to caring for our children yet the conundrum is that they sometimes don’t give us the opportunity to do what we need to do. You may look at the clock and find it’s already lunch time yet the dishes from the night before are still sitting in the sink, the garbage hasn’t been taken out and it’s over-flowing, the laundry baskets are sitting abandoned in a far away corner (both in your house and in your mind), those appointments you were supposed to make still haven’t been made, you have no idea what to prepare for dinner, and you have little ones pulling at you, wanting you to play with them.  Sound familiar? Or you may be able to get little things done here and there but by the end of the day, you feel as though you accomplished nothing. In reality however, you did accomplish things- you actually did a lot but because it didn’t meet the expectation you had set for yourself that day, it feels as though your to-do list was untouched.

So what can we do? Do we just keep on living in an endless cycle of “too-much-to-do-and-not-enough-time-or-energy-to-do-it?” I wish I had a simple solution that could solve this dilemma for us moms who are just trying to take good care of our children, our homes (and hopefully ourselves too), however we think that either our children are going to be neglected while we do it, or our home and our to-do list will continue to be pushed to the back burner.

I’ve come up with some tips that have personally helped me keep my head above water although just a disclaimer: I have not mastered the art of getting things done with little ones around. I try each day to do what I need to do, but there are days where I go to bed and I would need another 3-4 hours to truly finish what I need to finish for the day. I’m still learning about how to make things work better in this phase of life that I’m currently in and I know that my strategies will need to keep changing to be aligned with the phase and circumstances I’m going through.

  • Set realistic expectations. I know there may be eye-rolls with this one but hear me out. I know it can be overwhelming when things get left undone but just remind yourself that you are one human being. You may have multiple children who are all in need of your attention and care and trying to do everything you need/want to do everyday with young children around can be unrealistic.  This may be the most important thing I did for myself when I became a mother-I became kinder to myself and cut myself some slack when things didn’t always go as I had hoped they would and if I go to sleep at the end of the day with my house not looking immaculate, I’m okay with that. My standards have gone down a notch and I’m perfectly okay with it because my house has young children living in it and a mother who is desperately trying to keep up, but has chosen her sanity and well-being over getting it all done. You deserve to cut yourself some slack too and find how you can make your expectations of yourself kinder, more practical, and more realistic.
  • Ask yourself: Does this task need to get done today? I know we have tons of things to do each day and so our expectations become that we have to finish everything on that list because it’s ALL essential. Here’s what I’m saying: if it doesn’t get done today, how much will it impact your day tomorrow? Think about what you have going on tomorrow. Is not folding this basket of laundry going to have a significant impact? Obviously you want to get it folded and out of the way rather than let it hang over your head for days on end, but when you’re going through your day and you realize that there just isn’t time to get this task done, can it wait for another day/time? Prioritize what needs to get done today and simplify wherever you can.
  • Try to get things done that you can’t do while your kids are awake while they’re napping/having quiet time in their rooms. This is where I get creative and I take a look at what my day entails and I categorize the tasks that I absolutely can’t do when my kids are awake and running around such as mopping the floor or taking a much-needed shower (I don’t like an audience). I try and save one or two tasks like these for when they’re napping and then I use the rest of their nap for rest time for me to keep me going for the rest of the day. Of course if your kids don’t nap at the same time that can pose a problem but it’s easier to get things done even if only one of your children is napping and the other is awake (unless they usually keep each other entertained then try to make their naps at the same time if possible or give one a nap and the other quiet time in their room if it’s safe to do so). The main thing here is that there are some tasks that you can maybe do while your children are awake and playing in the same room as you but other tasks that you can plan to do while they nap/are being watched by someone else.
  • Try to involve your children in the tasks. I know this is easier said than done! Cleaning up can be a group effort once you get your children used to it. It may be hard at first, and it also depends on their ages but starting to get them used to helping you clean up early on may save you tons of time (and grief) later on. It also gives them a sense of responsibility to learn to clean up and put their toys away. I try and implement the rule that they can’t move to a new activity until the activity/toy they’re playing with has been put away.
  • Set your kids up with an activity-a little bit of set-up can go a long way even if it’s an activity that’ll keep them entertained for 15-20 minutes-you’d be surprised how much you can get done in that time frame! I have a supply of crafts that I keep on hand for these types of moments where I need some time to get something done. I pull out the paint, playdough, sensory bins, construction paper, scissors, crayons, etc. and I let my son get creative.
  • Make an investment in your children’s attention/quality time bank. This is something that can actually work and it can make everyone feel better so win-win. Our children love to be around us and love when we give them our undivided attention and especially when we play with them. It can go a long way if you dedicate a good chunk of time (even if it’s just 10-15 minutes) to solely playing with your child or engaging in an activity with them. When I take the time and do this, my children are usually okay to play independently for a little while after I slip away or I sometimes tell them “mommy has to go and finish something but I’ll be back to play some more” and they’re usually much more willing to play and entertain themselves until I get back. Even if your child only starts out by playing independently for 10 minutes-that’s huge in the world of toddlers/young children. It’s something that can keep developing so don’t be disheartened if they only play alone for small periods of time.
  • Place your child in their highchair with snacks/toys while you cook/get things done. If your child is young enough, this is a strategy that can help you keep them safe while you get things done. Of course if your child is eating they should always be supervised but at least they’re in one location, you can easily see them, and your arms are free to do stuff and also keeps your children from playing at your feet. This is how I normally cook- I place my daughter in her high chair with some snacks/toys and I keep talking to her/singing to her which keeps her entertained.  
  • Time Blocking. This is one my favourite strategies. How it works is that basically when you get up each day, prioritize your top 3-4 tasks that need to get done that day. Of course we all have an endless number of important things to do each day but pick the top 3-4 that really need to get done.  Pick the top tasks and figure out during your day when you’ll be able to dedicate time to each one. You may be tempted to get them all done right away but you may end up frustrated when you keep getting interrupted by your children. Plan 20-30 minute time blocks for each activity-this will make it seem much more manageable and then if you only get 25 minutes done on the given activity, at least you’ll have accomplished some of it if not all of it and it’ll feel less overwhelming to you. It can look something like this: 8:00-8:30 (laundry) 10:30-11:00 (start lunch/dinner prep-cut up vegetables, etc.)  1:00-1:30 (kitchen clean-up)  2:00-2:30 (phone calls/appointment booking). You can see that planning things this way makes it seem much more manageable, and gives you that flexibility in your day to tend to your children and any other things that come up in your day. It also helps you focus on one thing at a time which makes it easier to get it done quicker. Time blocking can be very effective if used correctly and consistently.
  • Involve your village. I know this one may not be applicable to everyone as some of us live away from family and have limited support. If you are fortunate enough to have some support nearby, tap into it. It’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay to ask for someone to watch your children for some time so you have a solid chunk of time to do what you need to do. It’s ok to send your children with their father/aunt/grandparent to the park while you stay home and get some needed rest or time to yourself to get things done. I know us moms have a hard time asking for help and voicing our needs sometimes but we are 100% deserving to be taken care of and heard.
  • Outsource when possible. This can really make your life easier and I look at it as an investment in my time and health. For example, can you order your groceries online and pick them up or have them delivered to free up some of your time? It might also help to find someone to come and help with housework a couple hours a week. This can go a long way in helping free up some of your time and giving you time to do other things. Are there meal delivery services or catering options to help you avoid hours on meal preparation every day? It may be worth the investment!
  • Don’t let what others are doing make you feel pressured. It’s natural for us to compare ourselves to others. We do it without even being fully aware of it a lot of the time.  We think that so-and-so is able to juggle all aspects of their life so flawlessly so why shouldn’t we be able to? We start to think of ourselves as lagging behind and incapable while so many other mothers are doing it all and then some without struggling. All untrue. No one has it all together. Please please please don’t look at things at face value and make assumptions that everyone has it all together and that you need to be able to do more. This will only set you up for more overwhelm, pressure, disappointment in yourself, and lower self-esteem. You will stress yourself out while trying to do more and it’ll end up making you feel frustrated and potentially resentful when you’re unable to do everything you need/want to do. Take it one day at a time, mama and realise that you’re enough as you are.

I know it’s hard when we feel like we’re drowning in tasks and responsibilities, but a shift in our mindsets and expectations about what’s realistic in this phase of life with young children can really help take some of the pressure off. I’d rather my children not look back and remember me as constantly stressed about the state of the house. They’re children, they don’t understand what we have to do to keep things going and all they’re going to see is a frazzled mom when they don’t understand why. It’s hard to balance giving our kids attention and getting things done because both are important and I’m right there with you with the stress that can creep in. But take it one day at a time, one task at a time and take a deep breath. It’ll all get done eventually. I hope you found these strategies helpful- you’ve got this, mama!

Posted on by — 2 Comments

Thriving in Motherhood

blossoming tulip

I know there are phases in our lives where we are in survival mode. Our main priority is to get through that minute, hour, day, and week while tending to our most basic needs and the needs of those around us. The problem however arises when we feel that that’s all we’ve been doing over a long period of time- barely getting through each day. 

If you’re finding yourself to be constantly running around whether it’s juggling home life, or home life plus working or running your own business or taking care of other family members, along with social commitments and the like, and you feel depleted, sleep-deprived, stressed, and overwhelmed, then perhaps it’s a good time to take a step back. Take a big step… way back. Then go back some more.

How long have you been in this mode, mama? This isn’t meant to shame you or make you feel guilty about your lifestyle- this post is simply intended to bring to your awareness that survival mode isn’t a healthy or pleasant way to live long-term. It’s to remind you that thriving from this incredible journey of motherhood is possible. It can help you grow into the person you want to be. It can help you find your passion. And it can help you prioritize and see the things that matter most in your life. 

If you’re finding that you’ve been in survival mode for way too long, think about what it is that can facilitate a change. Do you need more help from those around you? Do you need to drop a commitment or activity? Do you need to put some boundaries and limit interactions with some people who further deplete you? Do you need to look at your expectations of yourself and whether they’re realistic now or not? Do you remember the last time you did something purely for the sake of taking care of yourself? 

This isn’t to say that you need to be constantly growing and thriving and can’t have those periods in your life where things are understandably difficult and you just need to focus on getting through. This post is looking at the big picture and trying to figure out what areas of your life may need to be revamped in order to help you thrive in the ways you would like to.

We can thrive along this messy, complicated, beautiful, difficult, miraculous journey. We just have to re-evaluate our priorities from time to time and figure out what it is we need to get us there. 

And remember dear mama that your needs don’t always need to be on the back-burner. Your dreams don’t need to be forgotten. Yes, there may be phases where some things need to be on hold, but don’t forget yourself, mama. Taking care of yourself doesn’t mean “me first,” it means “me too.” You are important and worthy and valuable and needed and loved.

It doesn’t always have to be survival mode.

You can thrive mama. 

Posted on by

Transitions in Motherhood

Mom with child walking on dock

Our motherhood journeys are filled with transitions. Some of them are good, and others are more difficult. We go through the transition from being pregnant to recovering and experiencing all the joys and challenges of the postpartum phase. The transition from sleeping well to not sleeping well. The transition from having some time to ourselves to being responsible for another human being 24/7.  We go through transitions with our babies who develop and grow so quickly from tiny babies to little crawlers to toddlers. We transition from only feeding them breastmilk/formula to solids and from swaddles to sleep sacks. We transition them from bassinets or from sleeping next to us to their own cribs/beds. We may go through the transition of being at home with our kids to going back to work or the opposite may happen. Transitions can be difficult to cope with and some transition periods may take longer than others. The important thing to remember is to give yourself some grace and kindness through it all. Change can be difficult, even when it’s a good change.

Tips to Help Cope During Transitions:

Be kind to yourself. Being kind to ourselves and to those around us is key during these transitions. Knowing that it may not always be a smooth ride and that our expectations play a big role in how our experience goes, is so important.

Find a supportive community. During the difficult transitions in my life, I found it immensely helpful to seek out others going through the same thing and talking about it with them. Having a supportive community is so helpful and it can really uplift us when we feel things weighing down heavily upon us. Whether it’s friends or family or even finding a supportive network of other moms online, having support of any kind is beneficial. When I returned to work after my maternity leave, I had a friend of mine add me to a messaging group of other working moms and we all talked about our daily struggles and joys and we shared tips which was such a wonderful and timely support for me.

Give yourself time and permission to feel what you’re feeling. When we’re going through a difficult transition, it can sometimes feel as though these feelings we’re having are going to last forever. We may feel stuck in how we’re experiencing this transition and think that things may not get much better. We may come down hard on ourselves for finding it so difficult when we think that others were able to get though it “just fine.” I’m here to tell you dear mama that your feelings are valid. I’m here to gently remind you that everyone experiences transitions differently but we may think that others are able to get through them just fine however we simply don’t know what they’re feeling or what they’re going through. We sometimes take things at face value and reach conclusions without knowing for sure which in turn can make us feel bad about ourselves because we think others have it all together, yet we’re struggling daily to make it through. There’s nothing wrong with you for finding a particular transition difficult-your feelings are there for a reason. Listen to yourself and give yourself time to process it all.

Envision what things may look like after the difficult transition has passed. This is a very useful technique I sometimes use with my clients (and I use it too!). Let’s say you’re transitioning your child from your room to their own room and you’re having all sorts of nervous, yet excited feelings about it. You’re nervous because you’ve been so used to having them at arm’s reach and being able to check on them frequently throughout the night, yet you’re also excited to have your bedroom back and hopefully get better sleep for the both of you. First off, know that all your feelings are valid. Then take a moment to envision what it may look like when your child has settled nicely into their new environment and you have your privacy back. It may help settle some of the angst you have and help you keep going throughout the transition to think of the end goal and how nice it may be.  

Transitions are difficult and we may not talk about them with each other enough which may make us feel more lonely and isolated in how we’re feeling. You’ll get through it mama, it won’t always be this unsettling or frightening.

Posted on by

Choosing the Right Daycare and Transitioning Your Child

Childen playing on the ground

Choosing the right daycare for your child can be tricky and I know it can already be a time of heightened emotions as you think about leaving your baby in the care of someone else.  Here are some of the things that helped me in choosing the right daycare for my child and I hope they help you too!

  1. Start early– here in Canada our maternity leaves are typically 12-18 months long and I started looking for a daycare when my babies were both around 3 months old. I started doing an online search of all the daycares close to me and I read reviews on each one. Daycares fill up fast so the sooner you start, the more likelihood you’ll find a spot at your preferred daycare.
  2. Make a list of the most important things you want in a daycare.  This will help you decide which daycare to go with at the end-the one that meets most of your criteria. Of course no daycare centre is perfect but when you take time to think about what is most important to you at the daycare where your child will be, it will really help you choose the right daycare that you’re most comfortable with.
  3. Personally visit each daycare centre. Make a list of all the potential daycare centres you are interested in and call each one. Set up appointments to go in and take a look around and meet the staff. This step is huge!
  4. Pay attention to how things run and ask make a list of questions to ask. When you’re visiting the daycare centre, here are some things you may want to pay attention to:
    • Class layout-are there activities/toys that seem in relatively good condition? What kinds of things are available for the children to play with?
    • Daycare’s philosophy: Ask the daycare about their philosophy and if they encourage mostly free unstructured play or if they have planned activities with the children or both.
    • Toys-do they get sanitized/cleaned regularly? Do they rotate the toys? Do the toys appear to be safe for your child’s developmental level?
    • Food- ask to see a menu and ask about portions.
    • If you are still breastfeeding and would like to continue breastfeeding your child while they are at daycare, discuss this with the daycare from the start. Just be prepared that if you do go in at mid-day to breastfeed your child, leaving him/her again might be very difficult- I talk from experience!
    • The caregivers can make or break the class so get to know them and observe their interaction style with the children. Do they seem overwhelmed and easily frustrated by the children? Do they complain about their job to you? Do they seem warm and nurturing?
    • Biting/hitting policy- it’s important to know this ahead of time so you know what to expect in case your child gets hurt or hurts another child.
    • Sick policy-most daycares have a policy regarding when a child has to go home after exhibiting certain symptoms and how long they have to be symptom-free before returning.
    • Does the daycare have more enhanced technology in that they provide parents with pictures/updates throughout the day? Some daycares have Ipads that the staff use to take pictures and email to the parents which most parents find reassuring.
    • Trust your instincts. This is where your child will be spending most of his/her day. If you walk in and you don’t feel welcomed, or if you feel that everyone seems stressed/overwhelmed and that you just don’t have a good vibe, chances are you’re right.

Transitioning Your Child:

  • Go for several visits at different times of the day. When you’ve narrowed your choice down to the daycare you’re most comfortable with, plan to go for visits 1-2 times a week, starting a few weeks before your child is due to start attending regularly. Visiting your chosen daycare at different times of the day is a good strategy-one day plan to go in the morning, another day go closer to lunch time and then go near the end of the day on another visit. This step is really important as it not only helps you see how the centre functions at different times of the day when different things are going on and perhaps different staff are around, but it will also help your child feel more comfortable in this new environment.
  • Transition your child slowly to the new daycare centre. I took my daughter for visits 1-2 times per week starting the month before returning to work so that she could become more comfortable and it really helped her transition. I would stay with her during these visits and then I had her stay by herself two half-days a week, and then two full days the week before returning to work. I wanted to make sure she was comfortable in her new environment and with the staff and that her naps were going well.
  • Engage with the daycare staff in front of your child. This will help your child learn that they are safe people and become more comfortable with them.
  • Provide your chosen daycare centre with important information about your child. This can include their nap-times, how they usually nap, their coping/soothing strategies and coping items, their likes and dislikes, anything that you think will help them know your child more and therefore help them transition as smoothly as possible.

Keep in mind: it will be a difficult transition for both you and your child even if you do all the above or some variance of it. Separation is not easy and it will take time for both of you to get used to it.  Listen to your gut-if something doesn’t feel right, address it.  Also, it helped me to have the realistic expectation that no childcare provider is perfect. Even a child’s own parents will still have their moments where they don’t act/talk in the best manner possible. We can’t expect the people caring for our children to be flawless and be Mary Poppins all day long around our children. Having said that, you should feel comfortable and reassured that you’re leaving your child in good hands.

It may be helpful to reach out to other mothers who are currently in the same boat or have experienced putting their children in daycare before. I had a wonderful friend who gave me a lot of encouragement and reassurance and made the whole transition back to work much easier!

It will always be difficult leaving your child.  I still miss my children everyday when I drop them off but knowing that they’re happy and safe and in a stimulating, engaging and nurturing environment is reassuring!

Posted on by

To the Mother whose Maternity Leave is Ending Soon

mother kissing baby

I feel you dear mama as the clock is ticking and the time between now and your return to work is getting shorter. When you can’t imagine spending so many hours away from your baby because you’ve been attached at the hip since birth. I feel you and the tremendous guilt that is front and centre in your mind and in your heart. The thought of someone else taking care of your body and meeting his/her needs while you’re away which has been nagging at you and it has taken everything within you not to go back on your decision to return to work.  

I know how hard it is imagining that someone else will be putting your baby down for their nap, and someone else will get to look at their adorable face as they wake up. I know how hard it can be to imagine that someone else will be feeding, changing, and playing with your baby. I know you love your child more than anything and that your decision to go back to work is one of the hardest decisions you’ve ever had to make. I know you’re taking as many pictures as you can so you can look at them when you’re at work, when your heart is longing to see your precious one.  I know your eyes will well up when colleagues ask you how your baby is doing and you’ll choke back tears as you talk about them and how amazing they are. I know that the best part of your day will be the minute you walk in and see their eyes light up at seeing you and you embrace them so tightly and never want to let them go.

I know you try to think of all the perks you may enjoy while at work as a way to comfort yourself when you feel down. Perks such as eating your lunch uninterrupted, having adult interaction, and perhaps drinking your coffee or tea while it’s still warm.  I know you may start to feel mom-guilt for thinking about these perks and how you may enjoy some of the time that you’re away from your child.

I know your maternity leave feels like it flew by and you wish you could pause time for a bit. I’m feeling that now as the weeks, days, and minutes seem to fly by as my maternity leave is coming to an end. I look back on this past year and I can’t believe where the time has gone. Of course during the beginning of my maternity leave when I was in the thick of it (aka newborn trenches, aka not sleeping more than 2-3 hours a night), the days felt like they were dragging on and some days I wished time would go faster to the point where my daughter would sleep better and I could have some time for myself instead of being on nursing duty 24/7. Now I wish time would slow down-way down.

I know it’s hard and a mother’s decisions are never easy. Our societies expect mothers to work as if they don’t have children and finding flexible, understanding workplaces is a rarity. I know you’re worried about how you’ll manage it all and find that “balance.” I know you’re going to be giving all your energy to your work and you may feel the guilt again when you get home and you feel drained and wish you had more energy to give your child.  I know that this balancing act is hard and some things have to give for other things to happen.

But guess what? Although the first little while of adjusting to this new routine will be difficult for you and your family, it will get better. You’ll always miss your baby and you’ll always spend every free minute looking at their pictures, but once you get into a good rhythm and find ways to cope and keep the ship afloat, you’ll realize that initial gut-wrenching pain of being away from your baby will become less and less. The time you spend together will be much more special and you’ll find your new normal. You’ll be amazed at all the interesting things your child is learning and you’ll feel so proud of this little baby that is growing and developing and having fun.

It’s hard and I know you wonder if you’re doing the right thing. I’m right there with you. We’ll all come out on the other side. One day at a time.

Posted on by

Take Care of Your Heart

woman throwing leaves

I know some days are tough-really tough. Some phases in your life that consist of weeks, months, or even years may have passed with great difficulty and you’re unsure how you made it through, but you did. Even if things are going relatively well in your life now, you may still have those days that weigh so heavily on your heart and mind and you feel a tightness in your chest for some reason that you just can’t put your finger on. To add to all of this, there is no shortage of difficult news in our world today which can add to our hurting hearts and make it all the more harder to cope and function in our day-to-day lives.

I want you to know that you have a beautiful heart dear mama. Your heart experiences the whole range of possible emotions, sometimes all in one day. You have so much love for your children and your family, yet you have this nagging worry in your mind that doesn’t leave you. You feel proud of your children, you feel concern for their well-being, you feel sad, you feel happy, you feel disappointed, you feel lonely and you feel exhausted. You feel loved, you feel down, you feel good, you feel accomplished, you feel and feel and feel. I want you to know that your feelings are valid and although you may sometimes think that you “shouldn’t” feel a certain way-that’s just not the way emotions work. The important thing with our feelings is to acknowledge them, sit with them, recognize them, accept them, then find ways to cope with them.

There is more and more research out there about the heart and how it has its own “little brain.” The vagus nerve is one of the nerves that connects the brain to the rest of the body. Interestingly, 80% of its bandwidth is taken up by carrying signals from the body to the brain. Our brains are constantly being fed information from our heart and gut and these signals play a critical role in how we think, feel and react. (info taken from Five Deep Breaths-The Power of Mindful Parenting by Dr. Genevieve Von Lob).

So the importance of taking care of your heart dear mama is essential. It entails trying to listen to what is going on inside of you, what you’re feeling, how those feelings are impacting your thoughts, and as a result, the impact it will have on your body and your behaviour. What do I mean by taking care of your heart? It could mean putting boundaries in place –boundaries from people and situations which may negatively affect you, as much as possible. It may entail unfollowing certain people from social media because their presence does not bring any positive value to your life and makes you feel less worthy because you think you don’t measure up. It entails avoiding or walking away from situations, conversations, or people that hurt you time and time again. It entails finding a way to make time for yourself where you can rejuvenate and do something you love. It entails viewing yourself as a valuable, loved, worthy human being who is deserving of compassion, care, and understanding.  It can entail communicating your needs to those around you because you can’t keep doing it all and you need help. It can entail trying to love yourself and forgive yourself for past mistakes and work through the guilt that has festered over time.

Any step you take in taking care of your heart will be impactful-just take that first step. While you’re taking that step, mindfully tell yourself “I am taking care of my heart.”  What could be more important?

Posted on by

One of the Most Important Things I’ve Done Since Becoming a Mother

Managing our expectations and keeping them realistic is essential to our mental health, our self-esteem, and our overall well-being. Managing my expectations of myself, my parenting, and my children has been one of the most important things I’ve done since becoming a mother. This didn’t happen overnight for me- it took a long time to get to a place where I’m okay with things not always going smoothly or if my house isn’t in the best state or if my children don’t always act the way I want them to.

When I first became a mom almost four years ago, I’d be mortified if my son started acting up in public. I’d think that everyone would be judging me for being a bad mother who couldn’t control her child’s behaviour and the negative tape would start playing. Since I’ve started setting realistic expectations for my children’s behaviour, I’m much more relaxed now (although it’s still a work in progress). For example, I went to a stars and strollers show at the movie theatre (it’s a show dedicated for moms who want to bring their babies to a movie and they keep the lights on and lower the volume and have changing tables around etc.) I called up a friend and we took our babies. Before going, I had set my expectations really low and told myself that if my daughter only let me watch 30 mins of a 2-hour movie, I’d be happy! My daughter gave me 30 mins of peace and quiet and happily sat on my lap and ate her snacks. She then became restless (rightfully so- she’s only 13 months!) so she started crawling around everywhere, cried at some points, climbed up and down the stairs, tried to eat stuff off the ground, etc.) We didn’t make it to the end of the movie which I was fine with. I chose to focus on the good aspects of our outing and the time she did let me enjoy rather than focus on the frustrating and exhausting moments. I knew from the outset that it wasn’t going to be a smooth outing yet it wasn’t all bad and it went almost better than I expected.  Having realistic expectations of my daughter really helped.

Having reaIistic expectations of yourself is also so important. I hear a lot of mothers saying they wish they had more time and energy to cook more homemade meals, maintain a clean and organized home, take their children to more playgroups/activities, plan outings with their friends and resume some sort of a social life, carve out time to work out, among a multitude of other things. Yes it’s good to aspire to do better, but the problem becomes when these aspirations dampen our spirits, make us feel that these goals are unattainable and therefore we’re failing somehow, and make us feel that we’re not doing this whole motherhood thing right. None of these things are actually true. When we become mothers, are bodies and minds are consumed with caring for our children and we expect so much more of ourselves when caring for children is a full-time 24-hour/day job in and of itself.

Take a moment and look at your life and all your responsibilities and commitments and marvel at how well you’ve been doing this far. You do laundry once a week? Great. You cook one meal a week? Awesome. You did something for yourself this week? Fabulous. You survived an outing with your children and everyone came back home safely and somewhat happy? Marvelous.

You may see other moms who seem to be juggling more than you but please for your sake, your family’s sake and your sanity’s sake, don’t compare yourself to others. We are all so different in terms of our bodies, our capabilities, our support systems, our family dynamics, etc. No one has it all together, no one.

I know it’s hard to redefine our expectations when we’re used to a particular standard but here are some tips that I have found helpful:

Prioritize. Before going to sleep at night, make a list of the top 5 things that need to be done the next day. Factor in all appointments/meetings and figure out what tasks need to be done before/after. This will help keep you organized and it may reduce your stress from all the other things that you feel you need to do, but don’t have enough time for.

Done list. At the end of the day, make a mental note- or even better write it out – of all the things you did accomplish that day-even the smallest of tasks. This can make us feel so productive and accomplished and it’ll show you that you’re probably doing more than you think you are.

Positive Affirmations. Positive affirmations are this treasure that not very many people know about, yet has substantial benefits on our mindset and our well-being. Imagine if you told yourself throughout the day “I’m doing the best I can,”  “my children love me’ “I am a good mother.”  There are so many affirmations that can really help you change your mindset and help with making more realistic expectations. I like telling myself before an outing with my kids “it may not go smoothly or as well as I’d like, but that’s ok. I’m not a bad mother if my children act out or don’t listen to me. Worst case scenario, we’ll just come back home.” This really helps me instead of expecting that things “should” go smoothly and that everyone will be on their best behaviour and listen to me. The latter expectation will only set me up for more frustration.

You’re doing a great job. You have so much potential to do the things you want and need to do but give yourself some grace if you can’t do it all at once.