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Gift ideas for Children That are Engaging and Children Love

I want to start this blog post by saying that I am not advocating that parents need to buy their children more toys. I am definitely team “less is more” when it comes to toys. I know how it feels as a parent to see the clutter all over our house from toys and parts of toys and trying to keep things organized. This list of gift ideas is simply a guide if you’re looking for a gift for your child for the holidays or for a birthday, or if you’re looking for a gift idea for someone else’s child. These are toys/games that I have found engaging, and children can get a lot of play out of, in addition to fostering creative and imaginative play. I am also a big fan of books and I have tried to steer more towards books as gifts for my children however we do get the odd toy here and there and these have been some of my favourites that I’ve seen or heard of, and toys that we have at home.

Non-Toy Gift Ideas:

If you’re looking for non-toy gift ideas, there are lots of good ideas of gifts that children will love and are more experience-related than something they can hold in their hands and play with. Here are some ideas:

  1. Purchasing a membership to a local museum or play place for the child that they can visit
  2. Signing up the child for a book or activity delivery service that mails them a gift once a month – it’s something nice to look forward to and children usually love receiving mail that is addressed in their name
  3. Getting the child a fun pass or tickets to an upcoming event that they would enjoy
  4. Planning a day out with the child and wrapping up the “activity menu” for the day or giving them choices and having them plan their own day out with you (i.e. movie theatre tickets, a visit to their favourite ice cream shop, a hike, a trip to the library, drinking hot chocolate together at a local coffee shop, etc.)

A Little Note on Choosing Toys

If you are looking for toys, then the thing with toys that we want to watch out for, is will my child play with this toy once and then it’ll go into their toy box forgotten and add to the clutter in our home? Or is this a toy that does the playing and thinking for my child or is it a toy that elicits thinking, creativity and cultivates a skill of some sort for my child?

My favourite type of toys are those that are open-ended and can be played with in several different ways. They are the toys that don’t necessarily have all the flashing lights and sounds (which can be overstimulating for some children and a bit hard to cope with for parents 😊).

Here are some ideas for gifts that accomplish the goals listed above. I have the gifts categorized by very general age ranges- you know your child best and what they like and what would be suitable to play with at their age and developmental level.

*note: these are all affiliate links. Thank you for your support! Click the images below if you’re interested in the item!

Books:

Toys (toddler-preschool age)

Counting Bears set

Duplo

Magnatiles (also suitable for older children)

Melissa and Doug Wooden Building Blocks Set (also suitable for older children)

Slide

Kids’ Play Kitchen

Tunnel

Craft Supplies

Gift ideas for 6-12 year olds:

Trampoline
Beading Set
Camera
Chess Set

Risk Junior Board Game
Catan Board Game
White board
Lego
Space ship set
Activity Book
Space Activity Book
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Coping with Emotional Exhaustion

Woman on beach

It makes sense that so many mothers are experiencing emotional exhaustion or burnout. The last few months have pushed many mothers to their limits with added responsibilities and stress. The mental and emotional load has been relentless as we tend to everything and everyone at home. Many mothers are feeling depleted and are experiencing difficulty with the day-to-day demands of motherhood, along with meeting their own needs as they meet everyone else’s.

We’re human and it’s normal to feel increasingly frustrated and exhausted with the ongoing demands of our children, our homes, and for many of us, work on top of that. Not to mention health challenges many mothers may be experiencing, and the overall stress of being in the midst of a pandemic, and all the unknowns associated with it.

So how do we keep going amidst all of this when we feel so emotionally exhausted?

  • The power of our thoughts. What have your thoughts been mostly centered around? That can give you a good indication as to what is distressing you the most. Is it a scenario that hasn’t happened yet? Something from your past you’re thinking about? Thoughts of self-doubt? Thoughts about comparing yourself to others? It’s hard work and quite a process to examine and change our thoughts but it definitely is needed to help change how we’re feeling. Remember, our thoughts are not facts. But they can certainly become beliefs if we don’t examine and challenge them.

  • Examine what is contributing to your daily emotional exhaustion. Write it out if you have to. Make a list of everything you’re trying to tend to currently. Some things we can limit from our lives, postpone, or remove altogether. Some responsibilities however, we cannot let go of so it helps to know what we can do without for now. If you feel guilty about letting something go for now, keep reminding yourself that your health and well-being are the priority now and that everything else can wait. I’ve learned the hard way that if we keep pushing through despite our exhaustion, our bodies will force us to rest.
  • Sleep. I can’t emphasize the importance of good sleep on our emotional well-being. But I know as mothers, this isn’t in our control when we have little ones sometimes needing us throughout the night. But trying to sleep earlier to increase our overall nighttime sleep is so important, despite how tempting it is to stay up and binge-watch our favourite shows with all the snacks. Try sleeping 15 minutes earlier each night and practice some meditation or deep breathing before sleep. Another important tip is to try and reduce screentime right before bed if possible.
  • Voice your needs. Is there anyone around that can help lift the load off of you, even if it’s just for a bit as you regain your composure? Your health matters too mama and if there are others that can help you out, now is the time to let them in.
  • Time for yourself. I know this may seem like a far-fetched reality for many mothers out there who don’t have the proper support system needed to enable them to carve out time for themselves so they can recharge. It’s so important for mothers to have some time to themselves where they have no demands placed on them, where they can hear themselves think, where they don’t have to supervise anyone or tend to anyone else but themselves. I know we’re stretched too thin right now but it has never been more important to have some time to rejuvenate and feel like yourself. Start with short periods of time if this is all that is feasible now-even 20 minutes at a time of rest, a walk outside alone, reading a book on your deck/balcony, calling a friend without any interruptions- small steps are the way to start.
  • Nature. The benefits of spending time in nature on our well-being are manifold. If you have a nearby park or your backyard even, try to step outside and take deep breaths and look up at the sky. Sit on the ground, feel the earth beneath you, and repeat calming affirmations to yourself such as “I’ll be okay” or “how I’m feeling now is temporary.”

Your health and well-being matter, mama. There’s only so much you can handle before it really takes a toll on you. Listen to your body, and your needs and remember how important you are to your family.

This is intended for educational purposes only- please seek professional support for ongoing difficulties.

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Activities That Keep My Kids Entertained, and Keep me Sane

Childen playing on the ground

These are my favourite activities to do with my kids- and we’ve been doing them a lot more these days. Just a little disclaimer though- I hesitated before posting this because I never want another mom to see this post and think I have it all together and that my kids don’t have screen time and are easy to entertain. My kids watch tv, we watch family movies together, and I certainly don’t always have it together. These activities are things I use throughout the week and I’ve found them helpful and wanted to help out other moms. We’re all in this together! I have a two-year-old and a four-year-old so most of these activities are things we can all do together given their ages. You may need to adapt them given your children’s ages.

  • Picnic in the living room/basement/patio. I love this one and I’ve used it a few times this year on those rainy days at home -It’s an instant mood booster for my children and it gets them excited. I get them to help me pack our picnic basket. We usually do it in our living room. We lay a plastic table cover underneath us and sit together and eat our lunch. Sometimes to really get us in the zone, I put a youtube video of a nice meadow or nature scenes with nice music in the background- I know it sounds kind of cheesy but it really does give it a picnic feel.
  • Use household items to make crafts. I love this one and I’ve been using it a lot during this past week. Empty paper towel roll? My son uses it to decorate his new telescope. Empty cereal box? We flatten it, open it up, and make it our new city which my son paints, decorates, and builds buildings on using LEGO’s (thank you @busytoddler for this one) Empty egg cartons can be used to make all sorts of crafts too or for sorting activities.
  • Indoor camping. This fits in with my indoor picnic idea. When we get to that point in the afternoon/evening where everyone is having a hard time especially after being indoors for most of the day, I say “who wants to go camping?” My kids right away know to bring pillows and blankets onto the ground near our fireplace and they know I’m grabbing marshmallows from the kitchen. We all sit on the ground, eat marshmallows by the fire and each person takes a turn sharing a story.
  • Scavenger hunt. Nothing like a good scavenger hunt to get children excited. I find it doesn’t even take that much prep work. Pick 5-10 items you can hide around your house (I use snacks too as a bonus incentive and then they can eat them right after- buys me more quiet time and less-asking-for-snacks later). I read the list of items to my kids (they’re 2 and 4 so they need a bit more help with this one) and then off they go. Some of the items I hide include: Mr. Potato-Head, paw patrol toys, picture frames, wooden alphabet letters, legos (find a yellow lego piece), etc.
  • Hide-and-seek. I love this one for several reasons. It gets my kids up and moving, they’re beyond excited throughout it, and I get to do most of it while sitting on the couch. My son usually wants me to be “it” and asks that I count to 30 (or 9 somedays) We usually play it in our basement so I can literally see them the whole time and I don’t have to walk all over the house trying to find them then when I’m done counting I take my time trying to “find” them. They love it, it keeps them entertained, and I get to finish my coffee while it’s hot. Win-win.
  • Keeping a journal. My son’s teacher sent home a blank journal on their last day of school and asked parents to have their children keep a record of what they did during this time at home. I’ve incorporated it into our late afternoon daily routine and my son doesn’t mind it. I ask him to draw (he’s 4 so he can’t really write a whole lot yet) his favourite activity we did that day. I know it’ll be nice to look back on when this is all over and it helps him appreciate the things we did that day.
  • Pull out the craft box. I have a supply of craft items (construction paper, pipe cleaners, paint, crayons, markers, glue, scissors, beads, Pom-poms). Sometimes I find a craft idea online and we do it together and other times it’s just do-whatever-your-imagination-wants type of craft.
  • Play restaurant. Tell your children that you’re visiting their restaurant (they can come up with a name for it too!) and tell them your order. Depending on their age, they can actually make the items or for younger kids, they can make them out of play-doh. I usually order spaghetti and meatballs which are pretty easy for my kids to make out of play-doh. It keeps the kids entertained while you sit at the kitchen table-Another win-win!
  • Obstacle course. Have your child build an obstacle course that their favourite toys/trucks have to get through. You can use legos, pillows, Kleenex boxes, anything really and you’ll be amazed what they come up with.

Having said all of this, just a little reminder mama that if you already have activities that work or if you read some of these ideas and think “my children would never enjoy this” then that’s totally okay too! I never want to post something that puts more pressure on mothers- we have enough to manage already. These are simply activities that have worked for us and have a positive effect on my children and on our overall morale at home.

We’re all in this together.

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To the Mom Who Wants to Take Better Care of Herself, But Can’t Figure Out How

Dear mama, I know you’ve heard the statements “you need to take better care of yourself” or “you need to make time for self-care” and each time you do, you may make a mental note of how you’re going to do this but then the next day rolls around and you find that there just the time, energy, or mental capacity to even know where to start along the path of self-care. Do I start with exercising? Do I start with figuring out what makes me happy and trying to factor it into my day? Do I start with better sleep? Do I start by eating better? I know how daunting it can be and we may end up feeling worse as we look upon the mountains of laundry, dishes, and tasks that revolve around keeping our children healthy, happy, and safe, as well as keeping the ship afloat at home. I personally found after having my second child that I had to work really hard at incorporating self-care into my day. I didn’t realize how much harder it would be once I had two little ones to continue to take good care of myself but I found out the hard way that I either make time for myself, or my body will force me to take the time.

So I get it dear mama. I know you have days where you don’t feel like yourself. I know you look back on yourself ten years ago and you can’t recognize who that person was and what they used to like doing with their time. I know you have passions and things you love to do, but there’s so much on your plate that it can seem like a far-fetched reality to try and engage in those desired activities again. I know you go to bed each night perhaps feeling depleted, exhausted, and not knowing how the day passed. You may feel as though you didn’t get everything done and you realize that yet another day has passed where you remained at the end of your never-ending list of things to tend to. It’s not your fault. It never has been. When I talk about self-care for moms, I’m very careful about how I approach it because I never want a mother to think that it’s her fault that she feels the way she does or that she hasn’t tended to her needs. This isn’t a blaming game- it’s a wake-up call that we all need once in a while to help us do a little shift in our perspectives, priorities, and lifestyles. When I talk about self-care, I try to frame it from the aspect of what does society need to do to enable us to take better care of ourselves? Because let’s face it- all of our responsibilities are here to stay. So how can we incorporate this vital aspect of our lives into our already overflowing schedules?

I’ll tell you what I did. I started small. And by small, I mean 10 minutes. I mean I started becoming more intentional about my day and what I spent my time on. It meant being selective about what I gave my energy to. It meant going to the Doctor to discuss some symptoms I had been having and getting treated for them. It meant setting aside 15 minutes each night before I sleep to drink a cup of tea while reading a good book and telling myself that I was doing this because I deserve to do things that I enjoy in my life and that bring me peace and comfort. It meant that I schedule down time during my day where I don’t feel the need to fill every second of it with some task that needs to be done. It means meeting up with a good friend once in a while. It means going out by myself for 30 minutes and coming back feeling refreshed and rejuvenated even though there is laundry and dishes and cooking and work to get done. It means limiting interactions with others that don’t contribute to my well-being. It means putting my needs first once in a while because when I do that, I’m much more able to tend to the needs of those I love the most.

That is what I did and you know what? It didn’t take as much time as I had made it to be in my mind. In fact, I felt more productive to continue on with my daily responsibilities, and I felt happier, lighter, and more at peace. Do I always get to engage in the self-care that I need to? Nope. But I do make an effort to incorporate at least one thing and to be intentional about it.

Mama, you are so important. Your health and well-being are vital to the health and well-being of your entire family. I know there’s so much to do and not enough time and I know those beautiful children of yours are so dependent on you and take up most of your energy and time. But you are a person too. And a very worthy person. A person who deserves to go about her day at a pace that lets her breathe. A person who deserves rest, love, support, and appreciation.

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To the Mama Trying to Manage Family Life With Work

Balance is a tricky thing and many people have actually stated that there is no such thing as balance. One thing in our lives will always consume more of our time and energy and mental capacity than the other things we have in our lives.

I’ve strived for this notion of family-work balance for years since I went back to work after having my first child four years ago. I tried different processes and tips and tricks to keep my head above water while working full-time. It wasn’t easy to say the least. I always felt like I was dropping the ball in at least one aspect of my life while I tended to the others. The most important part of my life however has been, and always will be, my children.

It was hard to maintain this semblance of family-work balance as it wasn’t easy when one of my children were sick and needed me to stay home with them. I was falling behind at work, having to leave early to take them to appointments or run errands before picking them up as that was the most convenient time I could do my errands while my kids were at daycare. I was one of the only employees at my old workplace who had children and there was always this uneasy feeling I had when I couldn’t be 100% present at work because I had something far more important to occupy my mind and time. I couldn’t stay late and get more work done like others could and I got to the point where I stopped feeling guilty about that. After about four months of going back to work after returning from my maternity leave with my second child, I felt the need to leave my job. It was one of the hardest decisions for me to make as it was a job I loved and I had made friends with wonderful people there. I was so passionate about mental health and leaving that job was a very emotional task for me. But I realized that it wasn’t sustainable in the long run to continue working in such a demanding job with two young children who needed so much of me.

I started a new job in my field and it has helped me in getting closer to that family-work balance point. It’s still very busy but it’s definitely less intense and I’m able to keep my head above water more.

I’m sharing my working mom journey with you because I know how difficult it can be dear mama. When your kids reach out to you in the morning and tell you they want to stay with you and you pry yourself away with tears in your eyes, feeling guilt like no other for the rest of the day. I know how it is when you feel that you’re lagging behind others at work because you’ve had to leave early or come in late or miss several days at work because your babies needed you. I know how it is when you have responsibilities piling up and by the time you get to the weekend, there’s barely time to relax and spend time with your children because other things need your attention too. It’s so difficult when your to-do list is growing and you feel that there aren’t enough hours in the day. It’s an almost impossible juggling act that can take a toll mentally, emotionally, and physically.

I get it. And I know how hard you’re trying.
So don’t feel bad if you still haven’t reached that magical (possibly hypothetical) balance.

Take a deep breath, focus on your priorities and realize that you are an amazing mother who is loved and appreciated 

💕
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Making Before and After School a Smoother Time

It’s the third week of school already! I’ve definitely learned a few things over the past three weeks that have helped make our mornings before school and our afternoons after pick-up from school smoother for everyone. My son started junior kindergarten this year and we’ve made it through the transition and now we’re working on developing a good morning and after-school routine.

So what does our routine look like?

Prepare the night before. There are the obvious things I do the night before to make our mornings smoother such as prepare his lunch, his backpack, and clothes. It makes things much less stressful in the morning.

Try to start your day earlier to avoid the stress of rushing. In the morning, I try to get an early start for the day to give us time to deal anything that may come up and just to give us enough time to get ready without the stress of rushing. Even fifteen minutes earlier can make a difference.

Validate, and don’t dismiss feelings when they’re expressed. My son today told me he doesn’t want to go to school. I asked him why and he said he was scared. I sat beside him and asked him more questions about how and what he was feeling. I gave him time to talk about it and validated his feelings and helped him settle some of his fears and problem-solve around them. It’s important to give some time to settle your children’s fears when they voice them but I know it can be stressful when you’re rushing to get everyone ready and out of the house. A few minutes can go a long way though- it makes me think of how nice it is when as adults we’re struggling with something and someone takes the time to listen to us- just that in and of itself and can help us feel better.

Use a visual timer. I don’t know about your kids but my son likes to take his time getting dressed and we try to foster some independence in this area and get him to do as much as possible but we obviously step in and help when needed. It’s usually a very long, slow process though to get him to agree to get dressed for school so I started using a visual timer for my son to see how much time we have for this. He’s actually responded well to it and tries to beat the timer which has saved me a lot of nagging in the morning. A friend of mine uses the timer on her phone which works well too!

Now for after-school:

Food. Always have food on hand. When I go to pick up my son, I pack a couple snacks for him to eat on the way home as he’s usually starving! He’ll sometimes finish some items from his lunch but I also bring a back-up in case he has nothing left. I try not to let him snack too much as we have dinner a little while after we get home but I give him enough to avoid the hangriness and the ride home is usually much smoother and happier for everyone.

Give them time to unwind. The drive home is typically quiet as my son is usually busy munching on his snacks and I ‘d rather give him some time to unwind after a long day before chatting to him all the way home about his day. After we get home, we wash up and change and then I tell my son to go rest on the couch for a bit (if I can’t do that, someone else might as well do it) or play until I empty out his lunch box and backpack. He usually asks for the TV right when we get home but I try to delay it a bit until he’s rested and had some quiet time after a loud, busy day at school.  I’ll then come and talk to him a bit about how his day went then I’ll turn the TV on while I’m preparing dinner.

Expect that meltdowns and tantrums may happen. Learning about the concept of “after-school restraint collapse” has been super helpful in getting me to understand my son and why he has meltdowns sometimes after school and how to respond to them. He’s not doing it to make my life harder- he’s genuinely struggling after a long day of trying to keep it together and now he feels safe to let all his feelings out. Perhaps he got in trouble for something he didn’t do or a friend stopped playing with him or got called a name by someone in his class. Our children don’t always tell us everything they’ve experienced and may just respond with “good” when we ask them about their day. They may have experienced so many difficult emotions and not had the opportunity to process them so they save that for home. It’s important to empathize and give them their space and not to take it personally- they need a safe, compassionate person to help them through it (You!)

I hope everyone’s back-to-school transition has gone smoothly and that everyone is adjusting well! If not, don’t let it bring you down as it is common for the transition to take time. I’m still trying to get things in order as there are days where we definitely don’t have it all together. It’ll take time and we’ll all get there eventually.

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Coping with Postpartum Anxiety

Nearly all mothers experience some anxiety after having their baby. Post-partum anxiety can greatly impact a mother’s well-being and functioning for quite some time after having her baby. There are many factors that can contribute to a mother feeling anxious such as changes in hormone levels after birth, a difficult and painful birth and recovery, a lack of support, sleep-deprivation, feeling overwhelmed with the demands of caring for a baby, among others.

There are some common signs that a mother is experiencing postpartum anxiety. Among these signs are:

  1. Obsessive worry over your baby
  2. Constant worry that you’ll hurt your child or drop them and the need to constantly check on your baby
  3. Irritability and agitation
  4. Difficulty with sleeping and eating

Anxiety isn’t always a bad thing. Anxiety is that feeling that tells us something isn’t right and that we need to intervene. It’s only when the anxiety is constant and interferes with our daily functioning that we need to do something about it. The good news is that there are ways to cope with anxiety in an effort to reduce its impact on our lives and our well-being. It is possible to get your anxiety under control, dear mama. The anxiety you feel does not define you- it is something you experience that can be managed.

Talk to someone about it. It is so important that mothers talk to someone about their anxiety and reach out for help-although this may be very difficult. Many people are reluctant to disclose that they are struggling, especially new moms when they are expected to be enjoying every minute of their new chapter as mothers (news flash: you don’t have to enjoy every minute in order to be a good mother). Finding someone who is trustworthy and nonjudgmental to speak to can really help. Speaking to a mental health professional is very important as they can help find ways that are specific to the mother’s condition that can help her cope better in her everyday life.

Deep breathing. We sometimes underestimate the impact deep breathing can have on our well-being. I tell my patients that we can’t be relaxed and anxious at the same time. The more we strengthen the relaxation response, the less the anxiety will have power over us. Taking slow deep breaths (breathe in for four seconds, hold the breath for four seconds and breathe out while counting to 8 seconds) can be very therapeutic. It may take time to start seeing the effect but like anything, the more you practice something, the better it will be.  When you feel the anxiety is really affecting you, try to find a calm place and take some slow deep breaths and tell yourself while doing it “I’m okay.” Which brings me to my next point.

Cognitive reframing. A lot of the time, our anxiety spikes up because we’ve had a thought- a negative thought about something bad that is going to happen or something coming up that we’re worried about. Or our children do something that puts us on edge and makes our anxiety worse. We may look around the house and find it cluttered, or our children spill something, or our children are crying and having meltdowns in public-all of which many mothers say make their anxiety worse. One of the important things we can do for ourselves at that moment is to take a minute to be aware of our thoughts and what they’re telling us. Thoughts such as “everyone is going to think I’m a bad mother” or “I’ll never sleep well again” can really be a factor in our anxiety worsening. Try to become more self aware of the thoughts spiraling in your mind and try to challenge them or reframe them. When we tell ourselves a negative story and we believe it, our anxiety and our mood will worsen versus when we try to tell ourselves a different story. This isn’t to say we don’t think realistically- things may be very difficult for you and it’s important to validate that. What we want to avoid however is catastrophizing and cause our thoughts to go out of control in a spiral of negativity. This is very hard work to do and it helps to do it with a mental health professional who can walk you through it. The more we recognize the impact of our thoughts on our well-being, the more we’ll be able to control and reframe them.

Journaling. Journaling can really help us become more aware of our thoughts and how they impact us. Sometimes we don’t even know how to go about in starting to journal. However once we get into the habit of writing our thoughts out, it’ll start to flow more naturally and it can really help us reframe and cope with our anxious thoughts.

Mindfulness. There is so much research out there on the positive effects of mindfulness. Mindfulness helps connect us to the present moment which is important when we’re anxious as our anxiety is usually tied to things that are in the future. There are many apps nowadays that we can install on our phones that provide meditation programs that can really help calm our minds. Even taking 10-15 minutes a day to practice mindfulness can really help in several aspects of our lives. Mindfulness can help relieve stress, improve sleep, reduce chronic pain and improve our overall mental well-being.

Take care of yourself. The more burnt out we are, the easier it’ll be for our anxiety and our moods to worsen and impact us. I know this is easier said than done, believe me, I know. I realized however along my motherhood journey that the more I put my needs last, the less I’d be able to care for those around me. When I make my health and well-being high up on my priority list, everyone wins. And the same goes for you, mama. Maybe it’ll take a conversation with your partner to figure out how he can support you so you can have more time to care for yourself whether that’s time to yourself each day, or an opportunity to go to some wellness appointments (i.e. massage, physiotherapy) to look after yourself, etc. You’re worthy of being cared for too, mama and no one will force you to take care of yourself-you need to advocate for yourself. If you’re struggling with anxiety, this becomes even more important.

Medications. Medications can be helpful to manage anxiety, in addition to incorporating all the strategies listed above. Talk to your doctor to find what will work best for you.

You don’t need to continue to struggle like this, mama. Anxiety is treatable, don’t lose hope. Things can get better for you.

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How I Get Things Done With My Children At Home With Me

Child playing with books

I think in a world where there is so much controversy around different parenting styles and opinions, one thing I think most moms would agree on is how difficult it is to get things done at home when your little ones are around, demanding every second of your attention and every bit of energy you have.  As much as we’d like to be present with our children and dedicate our full attention to them, there are things we still have to do on a day-to-day basis to keep the ship afloat.  A lot of these things are also directly related to caring for our children yet the conundrum is that they sometimes don’t give us the opportunity to do what we need to do. You may look at the clock and find it’s already lunch time yet the dishes from the night before are still sitting in the sink, the garbage hasn’t been taken out and it’s over-flowing, the laundry baskets are sitting abandoned in a far away corner (both in your house and in your mind), those appointments you were supposed to make still haven’t been made, you have no idea what to prepare for dinner, and you have little ones pulling at you, wanting you to play with them.  Sound familiar? Or you may be able to get little things done here and there but by the end of the day, you feel as though you accomplished nothing. In reality however, you did accomplish things- you actually did a lot but because it didn’t meet the expectation you had set for yourself that day, it feels as though your to-do list was untouched.

So what can we do? Do we just keep on living in an endless cycle of “too-much-to-do-and-not-enough-time-or-energy-to-do-it?” I wish I had a simple solution that could solve this dilemma for us moms who are just trying to take good care of our children, our homes (and hopefully ourselves too), however we think that either our children are going to be neglected while we do it, or our home and our to-do list will continue to be pushed to the back burner.

I’ve come up with some tips that have personally helped me keep my head above water although just a disclaimer: I have not mastered the art of getting things done with little ones around. I try each day to do what I need to do, but there are days where I go to bed and I would need another 3-4 hours to truly finish what I need to finish for the day. I’m still learning about how to make things work better in this phase of life that I’m currently in and I know that my strategies will need to keep changing to be aligned with the phase and circumstances I’m going through.

  • Set realistic expectations. I know there may be eye-rolls with this one but hear me out. I know it can be overwhelming when things get left undone but just remind yourself that you are one human being. You may have multiple children who are all in need of your attention and care and trying to do everything you need/want to do everyday with young children around can be unrealistic.  This may be the most important thing I did for myself when I became a mother-I became kinder to myself and cut myself some slack when things didn’t always go as I had hoped they would and if I go to sleep at the end of the day with my house not looking immaculate, I’m okay with that. My standards have gone down a notch and I’m perfectly okay with it because my house has young children living in it and a mother who is desperately trying to keep up, but has chosen her sanity and well-being over getting it all done. You deserve to cut yourself some slack too and find how you can make your expectations of yourself kinder, more practical, and more realistic.
  • Ask yourself: Does this task need to get done today? I know we have tons of things to do each day and so our expectations become that we have to finish everything on that list because it’s ALL essential. Here’s what I’m saying: if it doesn’t get done today, how much will it impact your day tomorrow? Think about what you have going on tomorrow. Is not folding this basket of laundry going to have a significant impact? Obviously you want to get it folded and out of the way rather than let it hang over your head for days on end, but when you’re going through your day and you realize that there just isn’t time to get this task done, can it wait for another day/time? Prioritize what needs to get done today and simplify wherever you can.
  • Try to get things done that you can’t do while your kids are awake while they’re napping/having quiet time in their rooms. This is where I get creative and I take a look at what my day entails and I categorize the tasks that I absolutely can’t do when my kids are awake and running around such as mopping the floor or taking a much-needed shower (I don’t like an audience). I try and save one or two tasks like these for when they’re napping and then I use the rest of their nap for rest time for me to keep me going for the rest of the day. Of course if your kids don’t nap at the same time that can pose a problem but it’s easier to get things done even if only one of your children is napping and the other is awake (unless they usually keep each other entertained then try to make their naps at the same time if possible or give one a nap and the other quiet time in their room if it’s safe to do so). The main thing here is that there are some tasks that you can maybe do while your children are awake and playing in the same room as you but other tasks that you can plan to do while they nap/are being watched by someone else.
  • Try to involve your children in the tasks. I know this is easier said than done! Cleaning up can be a group effort once you get your children used to it. It may be hard at first, and it also depends on their ages but starting to get them used to helping you clean up early on may save you tons of time (and grief) later on. It also gives them a sense of responsibility to learn to clean up and put their toys away. I try and implement the rule that they can’t move to a new activity until the activity/toy they’re playing with has been put away.
  • Set your kids up with an activity-a little bit of set-up can go a long way even if it’s an activity that’ll keep them entertained for 15-20 minutes-you’d be surprised how much you can get done in that time frame! I have a supply of crafts that I keep on hand for these types of moments where I need some time to get something done. I pull out the paint, playdough, sensory bins, construction paper, scissors, crayons, etc. and I let my son get creative.
  • Make an investment in your children’s attention/quality time bank. This is something that can actually work and it can make everyone feel better so win-win. Our children love to be around us and love when we give them our undivided attention and especially when we play with them. It can go a long way if you dedicate a good chunk of time (even if it’s just 10-15 minutes) to solely playing with your child or engaging in an activity with them. When I take the time and do this, my children are usually okay to play independently for a little while after I slip away or I sometimes tell them “mommy has to go and finish something but I’ll be back to play some more” and they’re usually much more willing to play and entertain themselves until I get back. Even if your child only starts out by playing independently for 10 minutes-that’s huge in the world of toddlers/young children. It’s something that can keep developing so don’t be disheartened if they only play alone for small periods of time.
  • Place your child in their highchair with snacks/toys while you cook/get things done. If your child is young enough, this is a strategy that can help you keep them safe while you get things done. Of course if your child is eating they should always be supervised but at least they’re in one location, you can easily see them, and your arms are free to do stuff and also keeps your children from playing at your feet. This is how I normally cook- I place my daughter in her high chair with some snacks/toys and I keep talking to her/singing to her which keeps her entertained.  
  • Time Blocking. This is one my favourite strategies. How it works is that basically when you get up each day, prioritize your top 3-4 tasks that need to get done that day. Of course we all have an endless number of important things to do each day but pick the top 3-4 that really need to get done.  Pick the top tasks and figure out during your day when you’ll be able to dedicate time to each one. You may be tempted to get them all done right away but you may end up frustrated when you keep getting interrupted by your children. Plan 20-30 minute time blocks for each activity-this will make it seem much more manageable and then if you only get 25 minutes done on the given activity, at least you’ll have accomplished some of it if not all of it and it’ll feel less overwhelming to you. It can look something like this: 8:00-8:30 (laundry) 10:30-11:00 (start lunch/dinner prep-cut up vegetables, etc.)  1:00-1:30 (kitchen clean-up)  2:00-2:30 (phone calls/appointment booking). You can see that planning things this way makes it seem much more manageable, and gives you that flexibility in your day to tend to your children and any other things that come up in your day. It also helps you focus on one thing at a time which makes it easier to get it done quicker. Time blocking can be very effective if used correctly and consistently.
  • Involve your village. I know this one may not be applicable to everyone as some of us live away from family and have limited support. If you are fortunate enough to have some support nearby, tap into it. It’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay to ask for someone to watch your children for some time so you have a solid chunk of time to do what you need to do. It’s ok to send your children with their father/aunt/grandparent to the park while you stay home and get some needed rest or time to yourself to get things done. I know us moms have a hard time asking for help and voicing our needs sometimes but we are 100% deserving to be taken care of and heard.
  • Outsource when possible. This can really make your life easier and I look at it as an investment in my time and health. For example, can you order your groceries online and pick them up or have them delivered to free up some of your time? It might also help to find someone to come and help with housework a couple hours a week. This can go a long way in helping free up some of your time and giving you time to do other things. Are there meal delivery services or catering options to help you avoid hours on meal preparation every day? It may be worth the investment!
  • Don’t let what others are doing make you feel pressured. It’s natural for us to compare ourselves to others. We do it without even being fully aware of it a lot of the time.  We think that so-and-so is able to juggle all aspects of their life so flawlessly so why shouldn’t we be able to? We start to think of ourselves as lagging behind and incapable while so many other mothers are doing it all and then some without struggling. All untrue. No one has it all together. Please please please don’t look at things at face value and make assumptions that everyone has it all together and that you need to be able to do more. This will only set you up for more overwhelm, pressure, disappointment in yourself, and lower self-esteem. You will stress yourself out while trying to do more and it’ll end up making you feel frustrated and potentially resentful when you’re unable to do everything you need/want to do. Take it one day at a time, mama and realise that you’re enough as you are.

I know it’s hard when we feel like we’re drowning in tasks and responsibilities, but a shift in our mindsets and expectations about what’s realistic in this phase of life with young children can really help take some of the pressure off. I’d rather my children not look back and remember me as constantly stressed about the state of the house. They’re children, they don’t understand what we have to do to keep things going and all they’re going to see is a frazzled mom when they don’t understand why. It’s hard to balance giving our kids attention and getting things done because both are important and I’m right there with you with the stress that can creep in. But take it one day at a time, one task at a time and take a deep breath. It’ll all get done eventually. I hope you found these strategies helpful- you’ve got this, mama!

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To the mom who’s doing it mostly on her own:

mom holding child on her back

I see you dear mama- you wake up after a not-so-restful night to the sounds of your precious little ones waking up with full energy to start the day. You close your eyes for one second and take a deep breath and pray that you’ll have enough energy to get through the day. You feel the weight of your body on your bed and how comfortable it feels to keep laying down and closing your eyes, but you know that there are people waiting for you and depending on you.

You get up and get everyone changed and fed and answer 153 questions about why chairs have four legs, amongst other things that make you scratch your head. Your husband may be traveling for work, he might work long hours, or maybe he’s unable to keep up with all the work that needs to be done due to health difficulties he’s facing. You’re bearing most of the parenting and day-to-day tasks on your shoulders and it’s hard.

People ask me quite often how I do it. How I take care of two little children who are so young and dependent on me for everything while my husband is away. To be completely honest, it’s hard. You can’t expect your husband to walk through the door at 5:30pm and help out. You have no one to share “this is so crazy” looks and chuckles with. No one to look after one of the children while you tend to the other. No one else to take care of the kids while you go to the bathroom, take a much-needed shower, or step outside for some fresh air. No one else is around to do the dishes, vacuum, or take one kid to the potty while the other needs their diaper changed. No one else to look at that “super cool” lego structure that was built and no one else to comfort the crying baby. No one to share the joy of your baby saying their first word.  It’s just you mama. And it’s hard and lonely. Lonely even though you don’t have a minute to yourself.

But I have to say, after doing it for some time, it does get somewhat easier. The loneliness still gets to me but the ability to manage the chaos gets somewhat easier with time. You become stronger, more capable, and know what to expect. You figure things out. You realize that you’re able to do things you never thought you’d be able to. I know there are many other moms in the same boat as me. I know it’s hard, but I’ve realized that there are some things I can do to take care of myself and survive this phase. Here are some of the things that have helped me and may help you as well:

Find a way to have time for yourself. Whether it’s on the weekend, or when your partner comes home from his trip, or if you can hire a babysitter a couple hours during the day/evening just so you can do something to rejuvenate you, please do it. It shouldn’t be seen as a luxury-it really is a necessity.  When things are really going out of control around here while I’m alone with the kids, I find some peace in knowing that I have some time to myself to look forward to even if it’s going out with a friend or going out shopping by myself later that week. It really helps to have some time alone and clear your head and not have to be responsible for anyone even if it’s for a short period of time.

Find something to look forward to everyday. This can really help make the days seem a bit less difficult and maybe even enjoyable. For me, it’s enjoying my cup of coffee and reading a book while my daughter naps and my son is watching Paw Patrol. Yes I allow some screen time so I can start my morning off with some peace and quiet. I’ve let go of the momguilt associated with screen time because it only gets used for short intervals of the day and it makes everyone feel better so win-win situation.

Have realistic expectations. This is my final and maybe my most important tip. I realized during the first time I was on my own with the kids that I wasn’t going to be able to keep up with everything that needed to be done. I also realized that working myself into a mental and physical breakdown would not benefit anyone. That is why we sometimes order take-out instead of cooking. It’s also why after putting my kids to bed I sometimes crash right afterwards instead of folding laundry or doing the dishes. It took me a long time to get to this point, but once I did, life became much simpler and I’ve become kinder to myself.

I know that no matter what, there will still be challenging days while you’re navigating this motherhood journey and doing so much on your own.  You will figure it out, mama. And when the kids are all in bed and you breathe in the silence and peace of your once-chaos-ridden home, you feel like you can conquer anything. I see you, and I know it’s hard. But you can do it- maybe not everyone can do what you do, but you dear, strong mama, can.

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Why Taking Care of Mothers is so Important

The whole premise behind my page is the importance of mothers being taken care of. Mothers are constantly giving of themselves, their time, and their energy to the point that neglecting her own self-care needs becomes the norm. As a society, we need to look at how to better support mothers as they embark on this incredible journey of raising and caring for another human being, while not forgoing her own needs and health. Many mothers struggle with postpartum mood and anxiety disorders in addition to physical health issues which become exacerbated in the absence of support. Mothers are being loaded with so many responsibilities in this day and age and it can truly become overwhelming to meet all the expectations placed on us. I’m hoping we can continue the conversation of mothers’ health and well-being being just as important as everyone else’s and find ways to support one another as we tread along our individual motherhood journeys. I’m looking forward to sharing my journey with all of you and for us all to realize that despite our unique journeys, we experience much of the same things and that we’re never alone.

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Preparing our Children for Back-to-School (In Person and Virtual Learning)

back to school chalkboard

The topic that has been on every parent’s mind- do we send our children back to school or keep them home? For some parents the decision was already made by their school district which mandated virtual learning from the get-go, while for others, the decision weighted heavily on parents’ hearts and minds.

Regardless of the decision you made dear mama, you made the decision you needed to make for your family.  As we prepare our children for how this school year will look like, I know many parents are feeling the heaviness of this new way of life that has been thrust upon us all.

Having worked with children in schools, and having my own kids, I’ve been thinking of all parents who are trying to prepare their children whether it’s for in-person schooling or virtual schooling.  I devised some tips that may help you prepare your child for what this school year will look like.

  1. Talk to your child about how things will look like when school begins.

Sounds simple. However sometimes we aren’t sure how to start a conversation with our children or we’re so overwhelmed ourselves. It helps as school approaches and as you find out more from your school district what the safety measures within the school will be to discuss these with your child. Discuss with them the importance of looking after themselves, being mindful of others and their personal space, hand hygiene, masks, and try to explain in appropriate terms the reasoning behind these safety measures. Ask them if they have any questions. Our children have been out of school for months and it’s important we explore the thoughts they may have or worries regarding returning to school.

2. Social Stories

Social stories can really help children understand a concept or challenge that they’re experiencing. You can even have your child draw the pictures that go along with the story. The story can be how your child’s first day of school will go (i.e. wake up, brush teeth, get dressed, have breakfast, go to school, finding that things are different than usual, everyone wearing masks, etc.)

3. Get them involved.

Children love to be helpful and to be involved, especially when it comes to new school supplies. Have your child pick some of their school supplies, including their masks or at least have them involved in opening the packaging and organizing their supplies. Let your child pack their backpack with everything they’ll need (i.e. extra clothes for the little ones, extra masks, school supplies, indoor shoes, etc.). Making a checklist together that can be posted near the door can be a helpful way of getting them involved and also remembering all the items they’ll need to have each day as they head off to school.

4. Drive by their school

If your child is starting at a new school or starting kindergarten, it helps to take them for a drive to their school and show them the yard and familiarize them with where everything is. Even if your child isn’t starting at a new school, they’ve been away from their school for over five months and the anxiety of returning can be reduced by taking them to visit their school before the first day. Show your child where they will likely line up and where parents have to stand as some schools don’t permit parents to enter the school gates or school yard. Practice how drop-off will go and answer any questions they may have.

5. Ask them what they’re most excited about

In the midst of preparing our children for all the new measures they’ll find at school and that they’ll have to follow, it helps to have them think of the positives that they’re looking forward to at school. Try to end discussions around school on a positive note (i.e. what subject are you most looking forward to? What game are you looking forward to playing with your friends at recess? Who are you most excited to see at school?”)

6. Practice coping strategies they can use when feeling sad or overwhelmed at school.

Coping strategies like deep breathing, muscle relaxation and asking for a break when they need one are all important and can help your child feel better when things are difficult at school Some children also find comfort in taking a small item from home that they can keep in their pockets to touch whenever they feel overwhelmed.

Virtual learning preparedness

Talk to your child about how your day will typically look. After spending the past two months of summer break, children need a refresher for what virtual learning will look like. Let them ask questions and give suggestions on what they want the day to look like.

Visual schedule. Visual schedules can be really helpful to remind our children of the events of the day. Children love predictability and thrive off of routine. It should be flexible enough that things can be shuffled around if needed but it helps to post it in an accessible place in the home where your child can see it. It can also help to have your child involved in making the visual schedule.

Designate a place where learning will take place. Have your child design their name plate/place mat where they’ll be sitting for some of their learning. Learning can take place in various places around the home but it helps to have a designated table/desk where they can do some of their work and they know that it is their special spot.

Incorporate movement breaks. Breaks where children have to engage in some form of heavy work (i.e pulling or pushing something against their body’s resistance) can be very helpful in regulating our children. Things such as vacuuming, moving furniture, pulling laundry out of machines, mixing ingredients while cooking/baking, scrubbing tasks, etc.) can be helpful or you can ask them to do some jumping jacks, go outside for a quick walk/run around your home or in the yard.

Don’t compare your virtual learning journey with your child to others’ virtual learning journeys. I know this one is tough with so many online resources and ideas that pop up on our feeds and they are great for inspiration and to provide us with ideas when we’re stuck. However, there is a fine line between inspiration and comparison. If you feel yourself starting to compare your child or your abilities to others’ it helps to take a step back and perhaps avoid social media for a few days and focus on your child and how you’re going about things.

Will everyday go smoothly and end with everyone having a smile on their face? I’d love to believe so but given the reality we’re all in, I think it’s safe to assume that there will be bumps along the way. We will all get through it and our children will learn what they need to know. I think one of the most important things we can do is to keep pouring compassion and empathy onto ourselves and our children as we navigate this new experience we’ve all been faced with. Remember, our children look to us when formulating their ideas and attitudes about something. If we’re unsettled, chances are they will also become unsettled. If they hear us talking about school in a positive manner, they will likely associate it with something positive. It’s normal to feel uneasy about this school year, but let’s try to help our children see the positive aspects they’ll get to experience as well. We can help set the tone for our children and we can help them feel comforted and reassured- which is probably the most important kind of preparation we can do.

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Preparing Your Child for Kindergarten

boy colouring

 I’ve been thinking so much about my son’s journey of formal education starting this September and along with trying to keep my emotions in check, I’ve been trying to prepare him for kindergarten. My son has been going to daycare/preschool for the past couple of years now since I returned to work after my maternity leave. He’s used to the structure of a classroom and a routine which I know will be helpful. He has adjusted to being in a class with other children and 1-2 educators and having to wait his turn and share toys/activities. He has learned some very important skills which I know will serve him well as he enters school. His preschool has been primarily play-based so he’s had pretty much full days of unstructured play time which is great for children’s development and nurturing of social skills.

I’ve been talking to some of my teacher friends and trying to understand more about what kindergarten will look like. I think one of the biggest changes for my son will be that he will no longer have the opportunity to nap as he is still taking a mid-day nap at this point. The other thing he will have to adjust to is a brand new school with new staff and new children. My son has a difficult time with transitions but I’ll discuss below some of my strategies to help this transition be a smooth one.

I hope you find some of these strategies helpful in preparing your child for school and some tips on drop-off and pick up.

  1. Talk to your child about it.  Talking to children about the transition coming up ahead can be really helpful and choosing the right approach is key. Talking about all the exciting things they will get to learn and explore at school and trying to associate school with positive things will help. Walking them through what a typical school day will look like for them can help settle some of their fears as unpredictability and unfamiliarity are hard things for children to cope with.
  2. Read books about starting school with your child. I’ve invested in a couple books about starting school and I’ve been reading them with my son. Stories are such a powerful way to help make concepts easier to understand for children. We have a Daniel Tiger one that my son loves. I use stories for pretty much every transition my son has had to cope with (potty training, a new sibling, sleeping in a big bed, etc.)
  3. Validate their feelings. My son told me the other day that he was scared to go to “big boy school.” I validated his feelings and told him that it’s okay to feel frightened about going to a new school. I told him that we would help him through it and that one day it won’t feel as scary anymore.
  4. Take them to visit their new school. Although schools are closed during the summer, you can still drive by the school and show it to your child and show them the playground and get them excited about it. It’s much easier than showing up on the first day to a place they’ve never seen before or have only visited once. Most schools also have tours that you can go on-ask your child’s school if they can come for a tour of the school and their class.
  5. Teach your child how to do things on their own. In kindergarten, there are many children in the class and often times only 1-2 educators. I’ve been working on helping my son become more independent with dressing/undressing, opening containers and toileting as these are things he’ll be typically expected to do on his own.
  6. Get your child involved in picking out school supplies. This can really get them excited about it and reduce some of their anxiety about going to school.
  7. Keepsake. Get them a little keepsake they can keep with them and give it to them on their first day. It can be something very small that they can keep in their pocket which they can hold whenever they feel lonely or scared.
  8. Drop off tip: At drop-off, instead of focusing on the separation, focus on what’ll happen when you pick them up. Tell them you’ll go home and have a nice treat together or play a favourite game of theirs. Having a snack in the car for the way home can be really helpful as children are usually hungry and tired after a long day and it can help to prevent meltdowns until dinner is ready.
  9. After school tip: Give them time and space to unwind after a long day. We all love this as adults, and children do as well. Sometimes children just need to sit down in their familiar home environment and play with a familiar toy or read a book they like as a way to decompress after a long, emotional day. Try not to bombard them with questions on how their day went right away. Give them time to process and relax and then through play, you’ll find that they’ll be more willing to share about their day.

You’ve got this mama, and so does your child.